The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey
We are here to condemn Grand Theft Auto IV, and other equally great games, not out of hatred, but out of love. For it does no good to point out the flaws in bad games as bad games by definition cannot be saved.
No, we aim to save gaming from the abyss by pointing out the sins of games like the Elder Scrolls and Half Life series, games made by creators who actually care. It is in that spirit that we proclaim the commandments that they have broken, so that they may be redeemed.
Who are we? Just a bunch of gamers who got really, really bored. What are the consequences for breaking these commands? Well ... we might start reading books or something.
Therefore, we declare ...
#7.
Thou shalt let us play your game with real-life friends.
Violators:
Grand Theft Auto IV, MotorStorm, Shadowrun, etc.
Quick, tell us what the following games all have in common. We'll give you a hint, one thing is that they were all among the top 10 most popular games of 2007:
Wii Sports
Wii Play
Guitar Hero III
Super Mario Galaxy
Madden NFL 08
Guitar Hero II
Mario Party 8
But what else? If you answered, "None of them contain male frontal nudity" then, well, you haven't gotten the 122nd star in Mario Galaxy. If you said that these games all have multiplayer that's intended to be played with friends in the same room, you're right.
Likewise, what's at the top of sales in 2008? Smash Bros. Brawl.
The advantage that consoles have over, say, PCs, is that you can play from your comfy sofa. The reason the sofa is considered the pinnacle of furniture technology is because there's room for other people on it.
Yet, here's Grand Theft Auto IV, boasting about its robust multiplayer, and if you think "multiplayer" means inviting the gang over to play, get drunk, laugh and high-five each other until the break of dawn, too bad. You can't do that. Want to play with friends, they must be kept at arm's length, faceless at the other end of a broadband connection. Grand Theft Auto IV multiplayer is a world without hugs.
They'll say that GTA IV's vast open world makes split-screen impossible. OK, what about MotorStorm? It's a goddamned racing game, and they won't let you play a real-life friend on a split screen. A racing game.
Sorry, you know damned well that technical limitations aren't the reason everyone is dropping split screen. Every previous generation had it, in times with much less powerful systems and few widescreen TVs.
This system had 4 MB of RAM.
You're dropping it because four players on a split screen are playing off one $60 copy of the game. Four players playing online need four copies ($240).
And these are the same people who're baffled about how the Nintendo Wii was able to depants the whole industry with its cheap, underpowered little machine. Hey, maybe it's because they're the one company that still seems to realize humans need interaction with other humans. Real interaction, not trash talking over a headset behind fake names.
By the way, some of you are scratching your heads about having the obviously single-player Mario Galaxy up there on the list. Well, it turns out Nintendo included an option so that at any moment, a friend can pick up the second controller and, with the pointer, help the first player collect items and shoot at enemies. It's a small thing, but it means a guy can get his girlfriend in on the action and cut off her complaints that his gaming is taking away from his time with her.
Above: women
So when she comes over, do you think he's going to put on his GTA IV headset, or pop in Mario Galaxy? Here's a hint: The second choice gets him closer to touching boob.
Not sure how much of this I'd agree with really. Except for number 7. Something thats been grating on me for years. Personally there's nothing like getting together with your friends sometimes, ordering a pizza and playing games and having a laugh. But the problem we always face is a lack of good games that two of us can play, let alone 4. I'm not saying there aren't some, but there's not enough. Its not like we don't even all own the games separately. Most of them we do, but its more fun to get together than to talk through a headset.
ReplyWong, your an idiot for putting oblivion on number 6, because in Oblivion, there's a thing called fast-travel.
ReplyWow, the author of this article has nooooooo idea what he is talking about. I would hate starting out with a totally BA weapon. It's fun to start out with crap and then work your way up.
ReplyMan, dude, I hope you NEVER make video games. Leave it to the professionals.
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A Bunch of these are the writer complaining at elements of games that annoy them because they are not personally good at them, and even more are the writer not understanding that being overpowered in a game only makes it fun for about two minutes, then it looses it's appeal. Games ARE ACTUALLY designed to be challenging, because beating actual challenges is what makes games fun. not grinding mindlessly through hordes of week enemies with your super-weapons.
ReplyI agree with you on one level but I think that the main point was that there should be a different way to make the games challenging, not just taking out being able to save. He even pointed out how HL2 would auto save every so often so you didn't get killed by a random explosion and have to go back and play through 20 minutes of the same crap that you just played.
I think the main point was to say that things need to change in todays gaming market and designers need to think about things in a totally different way and not just follow the same patterns.
#1 reminded me of Minecraft. Almost no graphics and hours of gameplay. It even became iconic in its pixelation.
ReplyMost people play to have fun. For some, fun is trashing 12 year olds on Halo, for others, fun is discovering a cliff with an amazing view in Skyrim. The basis, for the most part, is the line between boredom and frustration, that makes the player improve (by actually improving within the game's controls, or developing avatar strength).
ReplySomeone id for me the screenie in #6 with the girl in the jeep?
ReplyHalf-Life 2 Episode 1
Thank you.
I'd like somebody to tell me what a "hardcore game" is, instead of pointing out what it isn't. Yes, we know that games like bejewled and Wii Sports aren't the kind of things that most gamers pride themselves on playing. I don't want more examples either, I'd like to see qualities of games that make them "hardcore" (and no vague bullshit like "it's hard", please)
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesGames that involve competition or require large amounts of time to complete.
It doesn't matter what type of game is classified as "hardcore", all I know is I want to play it because then I can give myself the title of "hardcore gamer", because that's the entire point of playing video games. It's not entertainment, or having fun, it's being a "hardcore gamer." Anyone else is just a silly "casual gamer".
look at a lot of FPSs for that (Halo, CoD, etc). I think most online multiplayer games are also considered more hardcore since the challenge of facing a human opponent is almost always more challenging.
" Sure, hard-core gamers know the difference,"
ReplyI find this kind of funny, seeing as how I'd consider most Gears of War fans to be far more closely related to casual gamers than hardcore gamers. Sure, they're "hardcore" in the sense they play uh.. "hardcore" games, fast-paced, action-packed, blah blah blah. But that's like a "hardcore" Metal fan listening to some tuff guy/poser-bait bullshit like Pantera, and hating everything "nerdy", which evidently makes up 80% of Metal, and is loved by.. well, any true Metal fan.
While the Call of Duty audience, as I call them, looks down upon Nintendo and games that aren't generic and s****y shooter games for being "casual", they fail to realize that the real "casual gamers" are themselves.
Ah well, Xbox 360/PS3 users can keep their glorified mini-PCs, which are only really good for having as a back-up if you computer can't handle a game. All any real gamer needs is Nintendo and a PC.
I suppose it's a matter of what you like, right?. I for one play a lot of video games, but the ones I play are pretty much only console games. Why? Becuase when I was a kid I didn't know better and just wanted a PS2 for christmas. But then I discovered Ratchet & Clank, which I must admit is my favorite video game series EVER. And they're only on the Playstation, so then I stuck with it.
Some of the best games I've played up to date have been, in order, the Fallout* series, Skyrim, and any of the Pokemon games (for the DS, imagine that...).
ReplyFallout and Skyrim both have that sense of "adventure" where you walk out, and before you know it you're ass deep in raiders/frost troll. What's more is in both, you can save wherever the hell, and whenever the hell is convenient for you (which is also true for Pokemon, save for cut-scenes and battles.) The enemies are a little cut and paste, but there's so much variety in the type of enemy that it's a wild ass guess just as which enemy you'll be dealing with. The graphics don't suck, but it doesn't feel like they sacrificed the storyline (I found myself legitimately attached to Lian Neeson, I mean, your Dad in Fallout 3) for the sake of the "realism" of the variety of semi copy paste bandits. Skyrim is above Fallout because they managed to keep sense AND improve the graphics.
Pokemon is the top of the list because, even now, I play it. It's god knows how old yet I'm able to pick it up and have fun with it. It has that sense of strategy and depth where I can pick it up and feel challenged without feeling overwhelmed. Sure, there are elitists who scoff at the idea of a generation of Pokemon game after 2nd gen, but they don't know how to have fun, or have to force themselves to. You can save whenever you want, new Pokemon (despite what people say) do provide a sense of variety, the storyline (while predictable) is still enticing, and you have to adapt with the game. It's a formula that works, and while I will be the first one to fly down to the Nintendo offices to stand on the president's desk to shout "SLOW DOWN!" at his face, it's not a bad design of game. Any game that I can pick up after months, even YEARS, of a break must be doing something right.
*Fallout 3, and New Vegas.
Um, I forgot if I commented here or not already (there are so many it's hard to keep track). But the introduction of saying that they [the games] may be redeemed is one I like. By showing the commandments, the game developers who violated them may hopefully "make their penance." Especially #2 and #1. Some games got so into the new graphics they left other details (like playability and good story) to the wayside.
ReplyHell, I own an Xbox, but the best game I've played in recent years is the port of Godfather 2 on the Wii. Choking gangsters with the Wii controller was really satisfying. I'm glad my girlfriend owns one of those consoles. Plus it's a nice break seeing those cutesy games for a change after a solid belt through Skyrim, BF3 and Forza 4
ReplyMan this guy has a boner for the Wii. One of the least impressive and easiest systems to play. Took me a whole hour to figure out how to perfect everything without getting off the couch. The whole "porting before it's done" thing is an ignorant statement. PC games hold beta testing for months, usually for free. Most of the games complained about like the Orange Box not working on PS3 is the PS3's fault not valves. Same with Bully on 360. Most elaborate video games that PUSH the systems beyond there capability are because the games were designed with PCs for PCs. Including games like Half-Life, any of the Elder Scrolls, Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Also, thinking PC gaming is dying is just retarded. I've been a PC gamer since 1996 and I say with full certainty that true gamers play on PC and it is more popular now than ever. Why you ask? PC games are far superior.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesCongratulations. Maybe one day you'll actually know what a boob feels like
I gave up boobs for PC gaming. They're not good for much unless you're an infant - usually they just sit there or jiggle. Sure, you can put your penis between them but there are quite a few better places on the boob-support-system to put it, and while some of them look nice a lot are kinda ugly and almost never get better with age, unless they've existed for less than two decades. Besides, PC games are usually not in close proximity to something that will nag and b***h and yell at you, and although I've tried many, many boobs I've never completed any.
True gamers also include anything Nintendo next to their PC, because f**k it, it's Nintendo. The Wii is a true-blue console compared to the mini-PCs that are the 360 and PS3.
PC gaming is superior, no doubt, but the only thing it can't do is play a Nintendo game.
BlackDahlia, I hope you're joking. Boobs are awesome.. But so are video games. The whole squishy factor just makes it better. Back to the topic, PC gaming is quite amazing. I like my mouse and keyboard. Smashing buttons makes me happy and releases all the stress I had previously. Beta testing, 'nuff said. I am guilty of owning a 360 though, and yes, it does sound like a jet taking off sometimes..
Nearly this whole thread was a rant against hardcore games and hardcore gamers. I'm sorry I like to be challenged, instead of just playing whatever random trash games the Wii spews out like diarrhea. And if you're going to use the whole "NINTENDO SOLD BETTER!" argument, then you have to note that nearly all of the games you hated on have sold in absolutely mindboggling numbers...and nearly all the Nintendo games have sold practically none, relying on the market of notoriously poor infant children.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNo, this is a a thread against bad design elements in game development. The idea that "challenge" should equal "annoyance" simply because tradition demands it is such a weak and inadequate argument. Good games sell well because they're made well. Personal fanboyism aside, these are some extremely valid design points that are almost universally overlooked in the game industry.
The term "hardcore gamer" strikes me as another term for "Has no life". Or perhaps "virgin".
I really don't think that was the point. He was pointing out that in no way, has what you call a "hardcore game" made any real innovation or deviation. It's just the same game over and over again with slightly different maps. Nintendo, on the other hand, has innovated since they started making video games. From the first handheld product to the new 3DS. He's not claiming Nintendo is better because it's sold more consoles, but rather that it has consistently brought something new to the table. Realistically, what is the real difference between Call of Duty: Black Ops and MW3? Different setting and different weapons. Nothing really new. The maps are essentially the same and the modes are the same, as well as gameplay. It gets a little stale. Also, "hardcore" would be an inappropriate term, given that fps games are generic, thus making them more or less "casual,"
Nearly this whole thread was a rant against hardcore games and hardcore gamers. I'm sorry I like to be challenged, instead of just playing whatever random trash games the Wii spews out like diarrhea. And if you're going to use the whole "NINTENDO SOLD BETTER!" argument, then you have to note that nearly all of the games you hated on have sold in absolutely mindboggling numbers...and nearly all the Nintendo games have sold practically none, relying on the market of notoriously poor infant children.
ReplyThe only time I can tolerate unskippable cut-scenes is during the first showing. If I can't save afterwards and end up getting killed, I DON'T want to be forced to sit through the same cut-scene multiple times, especially if it's a long one. I loved this article btw! It highlighted some very important rules that all game designers should pay attention to!
Reply#3: Thou Shalt admit when enough is enough.
ReplyAre you listening SEGA, that blue hedgehog of yours must be plain tired by now
Yes, just take it out behind the barn, and shoot it already. I mean for gods' sakes put it out of it's misery.
Hmm, I'd like to see how my favorite video game series follows these commandments.
ReplyI won't go into details, this is a comment section after all, but after some thorough research I can happily conclude that the "Ratchet & Clank" series follows these commandments to a decent degree, especially #4 and #7. They made some mistakes here and there (including making a grand total of 60% of the series strictly single-player games) but it's OK, no one's perfect.
Fab points you made
Reply