Home > Movies > 10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh
Featured  

10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

By Ian Fortey
article image

There's a thin line between horror and hilarity. Some film makers go stumbling across that line with such reckless abandon that they wind up crashing through a window on the other side of the room.

Here are 10 brutally violent scenes that are entertaining for all the wrong reasons:

#10.
Bulletproof: Busey Slays A Butt-Horn

Gary Busey has proven time and again that he is the cinematic equivalent of everything that has ever been awesome in the history of forever, molded into one semi-unstable, frightening man. Put him in a warehouse full of bad guys, and magic happens:

"Your worst nightmare, Butt-horn!" is how Busey introduces himself to the gang. To think that for many men in that warehouse, those were among the last words they heard before entering the afterlife. Including the dude at 1:30 who apparently gets shot in the anus. Worst nightmare, indeed.

We should note that Busey is playing a badass named "McBain" in that film, just like Christopher Walken did years before. Oh, if only the two could have wound up in the same movie. Though there's probably some international treaties against that.

#9.
Marked for Death: Steven Seagal Triple-Kills A Man

The final fight in Marked for Death shows us Steven Seagal in all his egomaniacal glory. Every Seagal movie features his character as a humble, soft-spoken guy who just gets pushed too far, to the point that he has to go on an ass-kicking rampage, standing up for the little guy with each arm he breaks.

Marked for Death seemed to want to drive this point home by having Seagal beat the ever-loving shit out of some guy who looks sort of like Bob Marley and kill him no less than three different times.

Seagal first puts his fingers inside the man's skull, goes through a wall with him, breaks his spine over his knee, throws him through another wall, then down an elevator shaft onto some kind of spike.

Presumably in the director's cut he pisses gasoline on his corpse, lights it on fire, waits for it to burn out, collects the ashes, eats them, shits them into a blender before whipping them up with some mulch and planting roses.

#8.
The Streets of San Francisco: Arnie Destroys An Unusually Fragile Woman

A mid-'70s crime drama, The Streets of San Francisco was a show where future governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made his TV debut as a bodybuilder (he didn't have a whole lot of range back then). He wasn't just any bodybuilder, though, he was the kind of emotionally unstable man-child you just didn't want to fuck with:

As Arnold flexes and perhaps shits himself, the woman with him bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "Ha ha, you giant man! Your intense muscle mass amuses me for no discernible reason!" she seems to say.

Arnold responds by giving her the fiercest case of Adult Onset Shaken Baby Syndrome ever, as the camera gives a nice close shot of his scrunched closed eyes and pained expression as he tries to shut out the terrible words of the heartless crone. Finally he storms out while muttering to himself, possibly in search of more women to savage. Clearly after this episode aired, no woman felt safe making fun of foreigners with D-cup pecs for many months.

#7.
Cabin Fever: "Pancakes!"

The brainchild of Eli Roth, whose movies get the word "torture porn" tossed at them these days, Cabin Fever was a little horror flick involving college kids and horrible skin conditions, set in the kind of deep South location most of us have nightmares about getting stranded in.

It achieved some mild fame and notoriety, but didn't blow many minds. For the most part, anyway. One scene, however, stands out, a flower of awesome in a vacant lot of mediocrity:

This scene is akin to a religious experience: It can't really be explained in any satisfying or logical way. But it happened, and cannot be denied. A kid screams "PANCAKES!!!" and does some kung fu at the air. Then bites a dude.

Even the director Roth admits it was made on the fly. Apparently that kid with that hair just showed up one day during casting, doing some kung fu shit and Roth did what any man would have done: rewrite the scene to include him. Hell, if the kid had shown up to the set of Schindler's List, we like to think Spielberg would have done the same.

#6.
Enter the Ninja: The Death Star

One of several million films that tried to cash in on the martial arts craze that Bruce Lee started in the '70s, Enter the Ninja already had several things working against it. First of all, the lead actor had no knowledge of martial arts whatsoever. And while, say, a thespian with no medical knowledge can play a doctor, one with no martial arts training trying to play a ninja is like a porn star with no anus playing the Mayor of Buggersville in the sequel to Back into Buggersville, a film that may or may not really exist.

What we're trying to say is it's a bad idea. But from the soil of that bad idea grows scenes of pure unintentional awesomeness:

Demonstrating the exact level of awesomeness that permeates Enter the Ninja, the white pajama-wearing ninja (a camouflage that indicates he was expecting a snowstorm in the brutally hot factory where he was fighting) takes out this thug with one single throwing star to the chest. The assault not only kills the man, but appears to make him lose faith in even trying to survive. After a moment's shock at the realization he's been stabbed in the heart with a ninja star, he just stares wistfully, shrugs and then kicks it.

We like to think the star was coated with some kind of special poison that just instantly makes a man not give a shit about anything.


  • First
  • ←  Previous
  • Page 1 of 2
  • Next  →
  • Last

Submit to: Reddit Facebook StumbleUpon Digg Del.icio.us

Post Comment

161 Comments

Ok, this list was really good and I saw someone put that the Story of Ricky-O should be here. I agree with that too. But THE movie with the most extreme, gory, horrific yet freakin hilarious violence is Dead Alive. After watching that movie no horror movie is bloody enough. Sure there are very gorey scenes in movies but that whole movie is one big gorefest. And its really funny. Where else can you find a kung-fu fighting priest, a zombie baby that keeps getting punched, and the best use of a lawnmower ever?

Posted on 5/8/2008 2:59:59 PM

you forgot when Brad Pitt is hit by the car in MEET JOE BLACK and he flies into the air, the audience was dying of laughter when I saw it because it was so overdone

Posted on 5/6/2008 1:25:38 PM

The scene in Eastwood's Letters From Iwo Jima with the Japanese soldiers committing suicide one after the other detonating their own grenades... if you just happen to miss the tragic aspect of it... omg, it's pure Monty Python material ! (ffw viewing helpful but not required ...)

Posted on 4/27/2008 6:43:20 AM

I would like to add the forgotten movie, Exorcist II. The finale had Richard Burton throw himself on top of a demon in the form of Linda Blair. Burton continued to hit the demon in the chest until he rips her heart out. Burton dies, Blair lives in order to stop a swarm of locust attacking Washington DC.

Posted on 4/25/2008 11:41:11 AM

The better scene in Marked for Death is in this trailer... "They were both wrong..." Frickin cracks me up everytime...

Posted on 4/24/2008 10:44:58 AM

you guys forgot about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxkr4wS7XqY

Posted on 4/23/2008 10:47:22 PM

During the last 30 minutes of Wickerman I never stopped laughing. all that happened before had accumulated to those last 30 minutes. it was just great.

Posted on 4/18/2008 3:26:55 PM

Well, that was fairly fantastic. Excuse me, I have to go watch 'Pancakes!' again now.

Posted on 4/18/2008 7:56:34 AM

I never saw "The Wicker Man" but that totally made me laugh my ass off so I'm renting it the next time I get drunk. That Steven Seagul movie is actually banned in my native country (Jamaica); never saw it either--there's only as of so much shit people can put up with before they cry what-the-fuckery on it I suppose. PANCAKES! is priceless. I want to eat pancakes while round-house kicking RIGHT NOW.

Posted on 4/18/2008 7:53:43 AM

Gary Busey's immediate "Yeah!" after they exclaim "McBain!" and Nicolas Cage's "Killing me won't bring back your goddamned honey!" were definitely the highlights

Posted on 4/17/2008 11:17:29 PM

He is also famous on +++wealthymingle.com+++. I just find him under the username look4love3. Lots of his sexy photos can be found there.

Posted on 4/17/2008 10:40:01 PM

For the record, I have seen The Wicker Man with Nic Cage ... twice. Why? Because I have a friend who saw two minutes of it, realized he had to buy it for its potential as an unintentional comedy, and had us all watch it with him. It's awesome purely as a comedy. Watch it for that reason, especially with a group of friends late at night with some alcohol and loads of fun will be had! BTW, best moment: "How'd it get burned?" X4 - Watch and you'll know what I mean by that.

Posted on 4/17/2008 9:02:51 PM

This article will then require a prequel AND a tv spin off!

Posted on 4/17/2008 6:29:15 PM

This is some well-researched shit. I congratulate you. Cabin Fever is totally better than you make out, though.

Posted on 4/17/2008 2:31:33 PM

I am now so glad that I've never seen the Wicker Man

Posted on 4/17/2008 1:13:48 PM

A smarter production/marketing firm would have pushed to use Liotta's capless head in an Excedrin commercial.

Posted on 4/17/2008 1:10:59 PM

I've decided that this article should have a sequel, or even become a full-on trilogy. There have to be thousands of clips that could have been added. I think I've watched "Pancakes!!!" 20 times now.

Posted on 4/17/2008 12:53:02 PM

Mmmmm, monkey brains. Cannibal Holocaust FTW!

Posted on 4/17/2008 5:00:58 AM

I like Busey and Nicolas Cage. But Cage likes the shitty films. It's like Joaquin Phoenix in The Village. Not even the phoenix could revive that hunk of ballgage

Posted on 4/17/2008 4:36:13 AM

I don't like Busey.

Posted on 4/16/2008 8:35:58 PM

More Movies


Popular stuff


Avatar
Daniel O'Brien
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:40:34 PM
Post Subject: 5 Things The Cracked Readers Apparently Want to Read About

Cracked.com's Headitor, (that's "Head Editor" shortened to just one word, Sports Fans, and you're welcome), Jack O'Brien called all of the bloggers for a very important meeting. Even Cracked and W ...

Avatar Now That Was Entertainment! The Friday Nooner (EST)!
Ross Wolinsky is taking a personal day today. Filling in for him will be his grandfather, Pappy ...
Avatar Florida Threatens To Secede, America Goes Back To Sleep
Yes, Florida is actually trying to split into two, with one half (presumably the one with Disney Wor ...
Avatar The 10 Worst Ice Cream Flavors Ever (An Obituary)
I love ice cream. It’s the only dessert that when I eat it, it somehow gets into my stomach and pu ...
Avatar Giving The Weirdos Their Due: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Dear People With Very Specific Skills Who Put Repetitive Videos Of Themselves Showing Off Th ...
Avatar Innocent Disney Movie Or Harbinger Of The Apocalypse? The Daily Nooner (EST)!
When is the world going to end? That depends on who you ask. Scientists say the sun will burn ...
Avatar The Ultimate Scientology Video Finally Reveals The Secret To Unlocking Your Thetans
digg_url = 'http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/05/07/scientology-releases-slew-of-new-videos-on-yo ...
Avatar Nikko Electronics Unveils The Most Effective Birth Control Ever: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
If you're like me, you're sick and tired of watching stuff on a regular TV. In fact, if you're ...
Avatar A big day for pornography in Cuba
If you were in Cuba this weekend, you may have been treated to the sight of happy Cubans proudly buy ...
Avatar Nobody Ever Said Being A National Joke Was Going To Be Easy: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The fame that comes with being a Cracked blogger has its pros and cons. I can always get a rese ...
Recently Popular
Recently popular on Digg