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There's a thin line between horror and hilarity. Some film makers go stumbling across that line with such reckless abandon that they wind up crashing through a window on the other side of the room. Here are 10 brutally violent scenes that are entertaining for all the wrong reasons: #10.
Bulletproof: Busey Slays A Butt-Horn
Gary Busey has proven time and again that he is the cinematic equivalent of everything that has ever been awesome in the history of forever, molded into one semi-unstable, frightening man. Put him in a warehouse full of bad guys, and magic happens: "Your worst nightmare, Butt-horn!" is how Busey introduces himself to the gang. To think that for many men in that warehouse, those were among the last words they heard before entering the afterlife. Including the dude at 1:30 who apparently gets shot in the anus. Worst nightmare, indeed. We should note that Busey is playing a badass named "McBain" in that film, just like Christopher Walken did years before. Oh, if only the two could have wound up in the same movie. Though there's probably some international treaties against that. #9.
Marked for Death: Steven Seagal Triple-Kills A Man
The final fight in Marked for Death shows us Steven Seagal in all his egomaniacal glory. Every Seagal movie features his character as a humble, soft-spoken guy who just gets pushed too far, to the point that he has to go on an ass-kicking rampage, standing up for the little guy with each arm he breaks. Marked for Death seemed to want to drive this point home by having Seagal beat the ever-loving shit out of some guy who looks sort of like Bob Marley and kill him no less than three different times. Seagal first puts his fingers inside the man's skull, goes through a wall with him, breaks his spine over his knee, throws him through another wall, then down an elevator shaft onto some kind of spike. Presumably in the director's cut he pisses gasoline on his corpse, lights it on fire, waits for it to burn out, collects the ashes, eats them, shits them into a blender before whipping them up with some mulch and planting roses. #8.
The Streets of San Francisco: Arnie Destroys An Unusually Fragile Woman
A mid-'70s crime drama, The Streets of San Francisco was a show where future governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made his TV debut as a bodybuilder (he didn't have a whole lot of range back then). He wasn't just any bodybuilder, though, he was the kind of emotionally unstable man-child you just didn't want to fuck with: As Arnold flexes and perhaps shits himself, the woman with him bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "Ha ha, you giant man! Your intense muscle mass amuses me for no discernible reason!" she seems to say. Arnold responds by giving her the fiercest case of Adult Onset Shaken Baby Syndrome ever, as the camera gives a nice close shot of his scrunched closed eyes and pained expression as he tries to shut out the terrible words of the heartless crone. Finally he storms out while muttering to himself, possibly in search of more women to savage. Clearly after this episode aired, no woman felt safe making fun of foreigners with D-cup pecs for many months. #7.
Cabin Fever: "Pancakes!"
The brainchild of Eli Roth, whose movies get the word "torture porn" tossed at them these days, Cabin Fever was a little horror flick involving college kids and horrible skin conditions, set in the kind of deep South location most of us have nightmares about getting stranded in. It achieved some mild fame and notoriety, but didn't blow many minds. For the most part, anyway. One scene, however, stands out, a flower of awesome in a vacant lot of mediocrity: This scene is akin to a religious experience: It can't really be explained in any satisfying or logical way. But it happened, and cannot be denied. A kid screams "PANCAKES!!!" and does some kung fu at the air. Then bites a dude. Even the director Roth admits it was made on the fly. Apparently that kid with that hair just showed up one day during casting, doing some kung fu shit and Roth did what any man would have done: rewrite the scene to include him. Hell, if the kid had shown up to the set of Schindler's List, we like to think Spielberg would have done the same. #6.
Enter the Ninja: The Death Star
One of several million films that tried to cash in on the martial arts craze that Bruce Lee started in the '70s, Enter the Ninja already had several things working against it. First of all, the lead actor had no knowledge of martial arts whatsoever. And while, say, a thespian with no medical knowledge can play a doctor, one with no martial arts training trying to play a ninja is like a porn star with no anus playing the Mayor of Buggersville in the sequel to Back into Buggersville, a film that may or may not really exist. What we're trying to say is it's a bad idea. But from the soil of that bad idea grows scenes of pure unintentional awesomeness: Demonstrating the exact level of awesomeness that permeates Enter the Ninja, the white pajama-wearing ninja (a camouflage that indicates he was expecting a snowstorm in the brutally hot factory where he was fighting) takes out this thug with one single throwing star to the chest. The assault not only kills the man, but appears to make him lose faith in even trying to survive. After a moment's shock at the realization he's been stabbed in the heart with a ninja star, he just stares wistfully, shrugs and then kicks it. We like to think the star was coated with some kind of special poison that just instantly makes a man not give a shit about anything. |
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Wicker man and pancakes were the best.
Holy c**k I cried of laughter.
I deeply regret my use of the word "her" instead of "him" in my comment. This goes to show my vast ignorance of such matters. My only excuse is laugh so hard that I didn't notice what I was typing.
I will now punish myself by having my oldest child fling frozen pancakes at my buttocks.
S**T DUDE! GIVE HER SOME PANCAKES QUICK!
#6 never fails to make me laugh! Did you notice the ninja just looking around like, "Ok, I killed the dude, what now?"
in SAW, when they get to the scene when Jigsaw says time's up and doctor man starts flipping out, screaming 'she's just a baby!' and what-not, drooling and such, I can't help but start laughing. I just can't take it seriously...
ok i didn't laugh at all until the wicker man article. at which point I literally laughed to the point of tears.
when arnold ask the poor woman if she thinks he is funny, I thought it was a parody of goodfellas or something
turns out it was years before it was ever made
Weird!!!
What doesn't get me when Busey yells, "Your worst nightmare Butt Horn" It's the "Yeah!" that follows it. LOL
Pretty funny.
You haven't laughed until you've seen the original Wicker Man. Christopher Lee in a kilt, playing the piano, and singing. Let's not forget the rather pointless nudity.
dude star trek isnt f*****g scary anyway i watch it all the s**t they do is f****n funny i love the hanibal one tho that s**t is fuked up
omfg i thought i was the only one in the world who f*****g loved that part of cabin fever!! i hated the rest of the movie but i rewind that part a billion times and die laughing everytime and i cant help to say pancakes all the time!
TW, I havn't seen the Gary Busey movie, but did Butt-Horn have anything to do with the plot whatsoever, or did the directors just say, "Hey, Butt-Horn, that sounds good
WTF??
Marked for Death was my favorite Seagal movie!!
and if you'd watch the entire scene, you'd realize that he and Screwface (yes, that's his actual name) are pretty evenly matched, with Screwface even appearing to have the upper hand
oh man. what did arnie say after "stop that!"? afhfdyrnldkflikslkfisks? or was it jsahdjdjshdjgsdgsklakjsakj?
The original Wicker man was so effing weird. they've tamed it down a lot since then. I can't believe you guys didn't put it up there its got some of the funniest stuff in cinematic history, it really just about levels with piranha 2.
PANCAKES!!!!
WTF WICKERMAN!?!?!
I actually thought that might have been a good movie when I saw the preview. Then I forgot about it. And saw this.
Everything on this list is pure s**t. Except Cabin Fever and anything with Shatner. How.... can... you.... not.... like..... him? God I love that look he gave. "Is that idiot gonna fall?"
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I've never held a handgun in my life (nor in my hand) but I suspect Cruise is aiming too high to hit the other dude here.