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The 5 Biggest Mismatches in Movie Fight History
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Action movies have a pretty simple formula when it comes to killing bad guys: you leave the toughest villain for last. It’s why at the end of Die Hard, that dead Russian guy jumps out of a body bag, somehow still armed with an automatic weapon. The filmmakers knew that, despite defying the laws that govern the physical universe, if they had ended the movie killing anyone else, it just wouldn’t have felt right. Leaving the toughest bad guy for last creates a sense of suspense as to whether or not the hero is going to be able to take him. So if the last bad guy is a total pussy, well, the audience is probably going to notice. Below, we count down the five most mismatched climactic fights in action movie history. 5. Cliffhanger  Fight: Gabe Walker (Sylvester Stallone) vs. Eric Qualen (John Lithgow) The bad news first: a gang of evil white-collar criminals are holding your sister hostage approximately 10,000 feet above sea level. To make matters worse, it tends to be cold on mountaintops, and for no discernible reason you’re only wearing a tank top. Now for the good news: you’re a trained mountain climber who, as luck would have it, grew up climbing the mountain on which they’re holding her, so you’ve got a Coors Park-sized home field advantage. Oh, also, you’re Sylvester Stallone and the guy you’re fighting is the dad from 3rd Rock From the Sun. That’s right, when faced with the job of finding a villain fearsome enough to menace Stallone’s maverick climbing instructor, the makers of Cliffhanger settled on John Lithgow, a man whose previous villains spent their time trying to convince kids to stay home from prom. In an attempt to even the odds, Cliffhanger emphasizes the fact that Stallone is haunted by the memory of watching a woman plunge to her death. He is not, however, haunted by cerebral palsy, the only thing that could make a fight between Lithgow and Stallone anything other than laughable. When they finally meet in the climactic scuffle, Lithgow manages to get Stallone in a head lock, and improbably appears to have him on the ropes before the helicopter they’re dangling from (don’t ask) falls off the side of a cliff, taking Lithgow with it. |
59 Comments
How about Seagal vs. Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege. Seagal slashes Tommy Lee Jones with a knife for a couple of minutes and then shoves his head through a monitor or control panel or some crap. Worst fight I've ever witnessed.
hey cracked dummies, it was harrison ford vs. tommy lee jones
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In cliffhanger the the old guy beats Stallone for the whole fight and has him in a head lock and Stallone bites him to get out if i recall correctly.
I agree with Jed. These guys just don't know who Vernon Wells is. (Although "Commando" did kinda make him look like a buffoon.
I killed a man once. I buried him in my backyard.
A Coors Park-sized advantage would be pointless, since there is no Coors Park. It's called Coors Field. Nor Coors Park, Coors Arena, Coors Stadium, Coors Coliseum or Coors Event Center. Coors Field.
Vernon Wells could kill Arnold. When the wasteland comes, Arnold is fucked.
Anh. You've had better articles.
John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) vs. Bennett (Vernon Wells). I'm GLAD you brought this one up. That fight has been pissing me off forever! Did Bennett thing that shark suit top he was wearing was a ALL slimming?! Guy should have been in a fucking beer-gut competition, not sharing film with Arnie! And to Alyssa Milano...if you're reading this m'dear, call me. Drop that restraining order and call me...bitch!
Hey! Who ordered Chinese?!
How could they forget RoboCop vs. Red Foreman from That 70's Show. I know Robo came out way before but even when I was a kid I didn't understand why that bald four-eyed pecker was supposed to be so menacing.
i'm not so sure the lithgow/stallone fight is such a mismatch. sure, stallone may be swolled up and muscular, but he is also, what, 4'3"? (like every guy at my gym) i don't know that lithgow couldn't just put a stiff arm on sly's forehead, rendering him incapable of anything other than whizzing his hands around perpendicular to his body, while shrieking in annoyance and calling lithgow chicken. i used the same strategy against my sister when she was 4 and i was 5. she outweighed me by 30 lbs but i had her on reach...so don't sleep on lithgow
Please dont forget that Vernon Wells played "Lord Wez" in The Road Warrior just a couple years prior to Commando. Furthermore he was a scary bad ass maniac. I realize you're not talking about The Road Warrior, but just keep in mind Vernon Wells can be a real psychopath.
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