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There's a thin line between horror and hilarity. Some film makers go stumbling across that line with such reckless abandon that they wind up crashing through a window on the other side of the room. Here are 10 brutally violent scenes that are entertaining for all the wrong reasons: #10.
Bulletproof: Busey Slays A Butt-Horn
Gary Busey has proven time and again that he is the cinematic equivalent of everything that has ever been awesome in the history of forever, molded into one semi-unstable, frightening man. Put him in a warehouse full of bad guys, and magic happens: "Your worst nightmare, Butt-horn!" is how Busey introduces himself to the gang. To think that for many men in that warehouse, those were among the last words they heard before entering the afterlife. Including the dude at 1:30 who apparently gets shot in the anus. Worst nightmare, indeed. We should note that Busey is playing a badass named "McBain" in that film, just like Christopher Walken did years before. Oh, if only the two could have wound up in the same movie. Though there's probably some international treaties against that. #9.
Marked for Death: Steven Seagal Triple-Kills A Man
The final fight in Marked for Death shows us Steven Seagal in all his egomaniacal glory. Every Seagal movie features his character as a humble, soft-spoken guy who just gets pushed too far, to the point that he has to go on an ass-kicking rampage, standing up for the little guy with each arm he breaks. Marked for Death seemed to want to drive this point home by having Seagal beat the ever-loving shit out of some guy who looks sort of like Bob Marley and kill him no less than three different times. Seagal first puts his fingers inside the man's skull, goes through a wall with him, breaks his spine over his knee, throws him through another wall, then down an elevator shaft onto some kind of spike. Presumably in the director's cut he pisses gasoline on his corpse, lights it on fire, waits for it to burn out, collects the ashes, eats them, shits them into a blender before whipping them up with some mulch and planting roses. #8.
The Streets of San Francisco: Arnie Destroys An Unusually Fragile Woman
A mid-'70s crime drama, The Streets of San Francisco was a show where future governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made his TV debut as a bodybuilder (he didn't have a whole lot of range back then). He wasn't just any bodybuilder, though, he was the kind of emotionally unstable man-child you just didn't want to fuck with: As Arnold flexes and perhaps shits himself, the woman with him bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "Ha ha, you giant man! Your intense muscle mass amuses me for no discernible reason!" she seems to say. Arnold responds by giving her the fiercest case of Adult Onset Shaken Baby Syndrome ever, as the camera gives a nice close shot of his scrunched closed eyes and pained expression as he tries to shut out the terrible words of the heartless crone. Finally he storms out while muttering to himself, possibly in search of more women to savage. Clearly after this episode aired, no woman felt safe making fun of foreigners with D-cup pecs for many months. #7.
Cabin Fever: "Pancakes!"
The brainchild of Eli Roth, whose movies get the word "torture porn" tossed at them these days, Cabin Fever was a little horror flick involving college kids and horrible skin conditions, set in the kind of deep South location most of us have nightmares about getting stranded in. It achieved some mild fame and notoriety, but didn't blow many minds. For the most part, anyway. One scene, however, stands out, a flower of awesome in a vacant lot of mediocrity: This scene is akin to a religious experience: It can't really be explained in any satisfying or logical way. But it happened, and cannot be denied. A kid screams "PANCAKES!!!" and does some kung fu at the air. Then bites a dude. Even the director Roth admits it was made on the fly. Apparently that kid with that hair just showed up one day during casting, doing some kung fu shit and Roth did what any man would have done: rewrite the scene to include him. Hell, if the kid had shown up to the set of Schindler's List, we like to think Spielberg would have done the same. #6.
Enter the Ninja: The Death Star
One of several million films that tried to cash in on the martial arts craze that Bruce Lee started in the '70s, Enter the Ninja already had several things working against it. First of all, the lead actor had no knowledge of martial arts whatsoever. And while, say, a thespian with no medical knowledge can play a doctor, one with no martial arts training trying to play a ninja is like a porn star with no anus playing the Mayor of Buggersville in the sequel to Back into Buggersville, a film that may or may not really exist. What we're trying to say is it's a bad idea. But from the soil of that bad idea grows scenes of pure unintentional awesomeness: Demonstrating the exact level of awesomeness that permeates Enter the Ninja, the white pajama-wearing ninja (a camouflage that indicates he was expecting a snowstorm in the brutally hot factory where he was fighting) takes out this thug with one single throwing star to the chest. The assault not only kills the man, but appears to make him lose faith in even trying to survive. After a moment's shock at the realization he's been stabbed in the heart with a ninja star, he just stares wistfully, shrugs and then kicks it. We like to think the star was coated with some kind of special poison that just instantly makes a man not give a shit about anything. |
I freakin' lost it at #8 and #1!!
Your missing the "Fisherman who's been abducted by aliens punching the Zombie Fish" scene from Undead. See Here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5BzvOxO0Ko
I liked Liottas brains sticking out like that. Even I wanted a taste.
If busey really jumped down that far he would have broken his old ass and jacked up buck teeth
The Wicker Man:
Loose-cannon cop Dick "Frenchy" Lynch is deployed to a backwoods village in Oklahoma. Upon finding a woman cycling without a helmet or a license, he is forced to confiscate the bike. He cycles the confiscated bike home for dinner, which his wife has burned. He threatens to destroy her favourite doll (the titular Wicker Man) unless she gives him a full account of her cookery errors. She breaks down and tells him the new oven is faulty. He goes to the homes of the store-owner and the saleswoman and "tells" them not to do it again. Returning home, he finds his mask collection missing. He finds some local girls have taken them, finds them, and returns home, where his wife has drowned herself to punish herself for burning the dinner. Frenchy cradles her in his arms. Insane with grief, our hero leaves society and begins a new life as a bear, stealing all the villagers' honey. His replacement as sherriff decides to get tough on crime and sentences the mask-thieves to death by burning. In a fit of remorse, he tries to rescue them but fails and is sentenced to three months in a bee-mask for honey theft and obstruction of justice.
i fainted after seeing the wicker man at the cinema, it WAS that bad.
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Most of Hudson Hawk, although that was intentionally funny.
The Exorcist....at the end when that boxer preacher throws the girl onto the floor and starts wailing on her. i couldn't help bu laugh.
arrrg i am gorn, remain completely still and my fish paddle ma sting a little when it slaps you arrg arrg uh...arg?
though i really thoroughly enjoyed all the mission:impossible movies, i must say that the marriage of the clip with eminem's 8 mile song stellar. great job.
Agreed Gary Busey is everything that is awesome. Here's more of his craziness: http://youtube.com/watch?v=xjyo-kh5jO4
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Toward the end of Attack Force, this dude on Seagal's umm...Attack Force, totally f*****g owns this guy...four times.
Starting at 8:31 - http://youtube.com/watch?v=HF-zHzbnfV8
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I have this horrible addiction to Bollywood. Tonight I went to the library and picked up one called "Garv" that I hadn't seen yet. Every action scene in it is funnier than the last. The plot is like a Hindistani mating of 1980's patriotica movies and the Dirty Harry/Charles Bronson flicks. Pretty amusing Foley effects as well.
The Wicker Man was def the best! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AHHHH MY EYES! Almost makes Ghost Rider bearable . . . almost
Hollywood? More like "Thieving Bastards," right?
What do you do when you've made a movie nobody wants to see? Lie.
There is nothing sadder than a kung fu star in decline.
Working for Cracked is the last cool job left.
Number 6: Invest in Cracked.com.
"Restructuring," "Redistributing," "Reshuffling."
Mother Natures hates you.
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Willowisp1684
I have to see that Wicker Man remake. It looks like it just might be one of the funniest movies ever made, even if it's funny for the wrong reasons.