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#3.
Megatherium
Used to be ...
It often stood on its hind legs, rendering it twice as tall as the African Bull elephant. The folks at Wikipedia describe its skeleton as "Robust." We here at Cracked prefer the phrase "holy shit gigantic." Recent research suggests that Megatherium may have used its powerful claws to actually fight Smilodon for their kills when simple trees were not enough to sustain its monstrous appetite and apparent occasional craving for mammalian flesh.
The Crappy Evolutionary Spin-off:
They suck so much at movement that the Catholic Church has actually named a deadly sin after their species. Isn't that wonderful? Modern sloths suck so much that even God thinks they suck. Seriously, watch this one try to cross the road.
How the hell did that happen?
That's basically the American dream. You have to applaud them for that. #2.
Entelodon
Used to be ...
What's so impressive about this thing? After all, it's just a scavenger, right? Well, it did have a full set of sharp teeth designed for ripping flesh from bone and a jaw which could, actually, crush the bone, too. It had most of its dental bases covered in that regard, really. They also traveled in packs, so a rotting corpse had to defend itself from a dozen or so Entelodonts at a time.
OK, we saved the real reason for last. If another, larger animal wanted to fight over the festering carrion, it was common etiquette for the Entelodont to take a crap on the food just to make sure nobody could enjoy it. Why aren't there more high school football teams named after these things?
The Crappy Evolutionary Spin-off:
How the hell did that happen?
#1.
Andrewsarchus
Used to be ...
Larger then a grizzly bear one and a half times over, Andrewsarchus was the most sophisticated killing machine since the Velociraptor. It was the largest mammalian terrestrial carnivore in the history of life on Earth. It was almost 15-feet long, and the first three feet of that was teeth. It was quick, agile and even had a pretty sophisticated brain for its era.
The Crappy Evolutionary Spin-off:
How the hell did that happen?
Yeah, real nice animal there, evolution. Walter Lawrence, when not writing about evolutionary failures, devotes most of his time to working on his nascent website, Internet-Explorers.net.If you enjoyed that, check out our rundown of The 10 Lamest Dinosaur Names. Then, enjoy a video about a now extinct species that enjoyed dinosaurs more than most in our video explanation of the strange premises behind classic video games. Then check out what the crazy drug addled minds who came up with that video are up to these days over on the blog. |
Andrewsarchus is related to horses too. Really anything w/ hooves.
ok "asasin"
I could watch the fainting goats video forever.
Apparantly the author isn't a big believer in proofreading or learning the difference between then vs than.
well people we efectively fucked up all evolution of the world`s best killing machines frankly I`m proud that we did
the fainting goat..lmao
You have not seen the wrath of the ravenous kiwi. You will...oh yes, you will....
Listen guys, i know this may stir up some wrath at me, but i wrote this article. I tried to stress that some of these were simply cousins, rather then direct descendants when applicable. For the record, Cracked.com is not an encyclopedia and is not intended as such. On a grander scale, i think the fact that this article motivated some of you to research this, fact check it, and learn more about the subject frankly is a success. It introduced some people to an aspect of science they had not thought of before. I know that some of you feel that the facts may have been stretched a bit far, however, i strove, when writing it, to stay close to the facts while still appealing to the cracked audience. If you disagree, hey, we disagree, however i contend that the fact that some of you were inspired to research this makes this a success on more then just a comedic level. Also, people have informed me that it was pretty funny.
Well, small, rat-like creatures eventually evolved into the species that gave us such specimens as Ghengis Khan and Bruce Willis, so there's that.
First of all I would like to know how you got all these facts?! It's really interesting. Secondly I wonder if evolution is just making animals lamer and lamer or if there exists reversed cases. Atleast I can't think of one, can you?
No, the professors are right--"Cracked" is funny, but stating things as fact that are untrue isn't excusable in the name of comedy--it's just laziness.
WHAT!? This information is inaccurate!? But I used it as my primary source in writing my evolution essay! Come on, this is a HUMOR website. Anyone who takes this stuff seriously is obviously at the wrong website.
I really hate these people talking about the celebrities or rich men joined the famous sugar daddy and sugar baby service --TALLHUB.c om--. Could you people please have a break??
Come on, make up your mind. First you say "the felines were another branch on the evolutionary tree" then you say that the koala is a bear. If you're trying to be factual, do it. IfIgnorance is not excusable.
Sloths having the American dream!!!! Fucking DEAD ON! Thank you cracked :)
As part of "playing possum," opossums will frequently wear a fake cast on their leg to gain sympathy iS this true dmsdragon?
forget it dmsdragon it's a lost cause with those people, LOL they want to seem so smart so they point out the flaws in something that is not trying to be accurate or serious. They probaly talk at leangth about how road runner cartoons are stupid because there is no way a coyote can fall off a cliff and survive.
Cracked should spell check its work before the posting :) ''Rather then savaging the carcass of a fresh kill...''
thissiteisdumb, you are missing the point of my comment if you are on this site looking for factual info youre promblem cannont be solved or even helped by people pointing out its flaws. its like standing in the grocery store and convincing the inbred idiot that the bat boy in the tabloid is fake and worst of all those pass themselves off as real news this is just for fun and is painfully obvious in being such. i belive in evolution and support it but im not coming here to learn more about it. its not a matter of respecting science either its all in good humor for those able to accept it with an open mind and not take offense when they consider the source. and smarts equals girls is not an equation that anyone can agree with no matter how hard they try we are no different than the primates we evolved from.
The X-Men without the shitty one liners.
Come on, some were trying to be funny!
Children are stupid. Let's laugh at them.
Thanks for the grills, Flavor Flav!
Not quite as useful as "look both ways."
First rule of Hollywood: Everything explodes.
You might have caught on a bit quicker.
Musicians are even dumber than you thought.
The 4th of July. "Independence Day." "The Big Easy." The day the entire planet gets together to put aside our differences and bond over our common love of fireworks and professional baseball. It's ...
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articdragone
fainting goat... rofl