| Featured |
On May 22, 2007 Katsusuke Yanagisawa became the oldest person to summit Mt. Everest. This 71 year old former school teacher has since joined the ranks of Bear Grylls and Lance Armstrong as "People Whose Achievements Invalidate Your Pathetic Existence." This is the stuff of a worthwhile world record, a moment highlighting the richness of human potential. Of course, as any quick study of the Maury studio audience will attest, that potential is rarely exercised by the masses. And the folks who put out the Guinness Book of Records (GBR) have a lot of blank pages to fill ... #8.
Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident
As Newton once postulated, a body will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity, unless an external net force acts upon it. That law should now be renamed Matthew McKnight's law, as no one has demonstrated it as spectacularly as he did the day he was standing around and a car hit him going 70 mph, flinging McKnight a distance equal to more than a third of a football field.
From then on, no matter what else McKnight may have accomplished in his life, he would forever hold the record for Greatest Distance Thrown In a Car Accident. Congrats, Matthew! It was actually McKnight's emergency room physician, Dr. Eric Brader, that submitted paperwork for the record, because nothing in the Hippocratic Oath specifically bars you from "just being kind of a dick". #7.
Longest Ear Hair
This next honoree was actually the inspiration for John Mayer's seminal hit (double entendre intended) "Your Body Is A Wonderland". Of course, it was a much earlier iteration of the song, back when the working title was "Your Body Is A Monument To All That is Vile And Unholy". Radhakant Bajpai of Naya Ganj, Uttar Pradesh, India, was "blessed" with extraordinarily long hair sprouting from the center of his outer ears. The record actually specifies the hair originates from the "middle of the pinna", meaning that GBR has had to maintain separate records for the longest hairs from multiple regions of the ear. Radhakant's ear hair/tendrils measure an incredible 13.2 cm (about 5.25 inches) at its longest point, though it is slightly shorter when pulled back into pigtails. "Making it to Guinness World Records is indeed a special occasion for me and my family," said Radhakant. "God has been very kind to me." It's not clear exactly how God compensated Radhakant for the grotesquely long ear hair though most experts postulate that it would take at least three extra inches of penis to consider the deal even.
Or, maybe we're misreading the man's comments and he really is proud of his ear hair; perhaps in his culture it is a trait to be treasured and the hair represents the gentle, fluffy kitten that lives inside a man's skull. Regardless of why he's thankful, he should probably be thanking the shameless Guinness editors, or perhaps all of the people who failed to set any sort of impressive record that year, but probably not God. #6.
Largest Collection of Traffic Cones
Not all collections are equal. For some, completing a collection involves scouring the planet for rarities that all would envy. For others, it involves yanking mundane bits of municipal property off the road and appropriating it for their own uses. Guess which one David Morgan opted for when he assembled his collection of traffic cones?
David owns approximately two thirds of all the types of traffic cones ever made, which is more impressive when you realize that means someone out there is actually a traffic cone historian and can thus validate the scope of his collection. We'll take their word for it. #5.
Greatest Distance Moonwalked in One Hour
The people of the Balkan states are best known for their indomitable spirit and their adoption of pop culture trends 20 years after they've expired in America. The sum of these two qualities coalesced on September 10, 2006 when Krunoslav Budiselic set the world record for the greatest distance moonwalked in one hour.
The excitement from this accomplishment even managed to trump the buzz surrounding The Removal Of The World's Largest Appendix (measuring at 26 cm/10.24 in), occurring in Zagreb just a month prior. Zagreb is now petitioning to the U.N. to be formally recognized as the "WTF Capital Of The World". |
This Sunday in Uruguay, are gonna make the largest barbecue in the world!!! lol
"wei ge" is just the chinese transliteration of "Wenger", one of the two main companies that make swiss army knives. That image was found on a chinese image sharing site, and whoever found it, I guess thought that "Wei Ge" was its own company. More information on the knife at Wenger's official site http://www.wenger.ch/scripts/Modules/Products/listOne.aspx?idProducts=319&idn=166
Isn't coming onto an American website and badmouthing the U.S. displaying the same kind of arrogance and ethnocentrism that you accuse Americans of? Yes, Bush is an idiot, I didn't vote for him. p.s. Algeria, Albania, Afghanistan, Bosnia, Bulgaria, Canada, France, Spain, The United Kingdom (consisting of England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and the Isle of Man), Mexico, Bolivia, Columbia, Nicarauga, Uzbekistan,Kyrgistan, Turkmenistan, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Switzerland, Lesotho, South Africa, Australia, Denmark, New Zealand, Sweden, Finland, Russia. . . you get the idea.
Do not underestimate the power of moonwalk. It will be popular once again. It has to be. Moonwalk... why moonwalk...do moonies walk like that? Reverent Moon, you're stupid. But seriously, we (Zagreb natives) are not so far behind the leading country in the world (to which we bow and worship..all we own we owe..and happily anticipate visit of your Leader Retardo Busho).
for everyone saying football fields are 120 yards, you are obviously wrong. If you count the endzone, you have to count the stands as well. 100 is a nice even number: if we wanted odd-ass numbers like '120' we'd just measure shit in semi-trailers or Boeing 747s
Once I read in the record book that there was this American that could name 3 whole other countries outside of the US!
Greetings from the WTF Capital Of the World.:D
@fattydingdong - "Wei Ge" isn't even pronounced "we gay"; it's pronounced "way guh".
anyone notice that the folding knife is made by a company called Wei Ge? I figured cracked would make some "We gay" joke... I'm dissapointed...
HAHAHA #5 is phenomenal...my hats off to you my good sir
hey dayummmXthoff I think you started some thing great! Keith Richards is DEAD
Seriously, why even bother writing this article? That picture of the guy with the snails on his face says more than any writer could.
While reading this article, and I was struck that it probably was relevant to a social networking site, HumanBook, which has over 250 million profiles of people, including you, your friends, classmates and relatives. The HumanBook is a mutually managed people directory. People list their own real-life connections, and other connections they have awareness of, to create a lifelong network. The network houses the connections, and then the collaboratively updated address book nurtures them, assuring that they need never be lost. HumanBook is the tool that will allow you to cherish and sustain all of the connections of your whole life. So if you're interested, go to http://www.HumanBook.com and find your profile today!
I would like to break the record for most cats on my face.
KEITH RICHARDS IS DEAD?!
The world's oldest male stripper used to work with my dad at the power plant.
You clowns keep arguing about the football field. Fact is, if you ask 100 people what the distance of a football field is, 98 of them will say 100 yards, and the rest are anal bastards who have no friends because they sit around correcting everyone like pompous assholes. New subject.
And gnomes, what are you talking about? A yard IS three feet . . .
wow, fact checker, so they were wrong by 3 feet. That is pretty jackass ignorant. I know when I ask how far away something is, and somebody tells me it's just 118 feet down the road but it's actually 121 feet down the road, I get really mad and call people jackass ignorant.
We probably would've been better off not knowing.
They probably won't get a movie any time soon.
Our monsters are kind of lame, comparatively.
It's a tough job. And a stupid job. And a pointless job. An unnecessary job. But someone's got to do it, we guess.
Gamers are a vengeful god.
Guys, sometimes simple is better.
We built this world on penis insecurity.
Cracked.com's Headitor, (that's "Head Editor" shortened to just one word, Sports Fans, and you're welcome), Jack O'Brien called all of the bloggers for a very important meeting. Even Cracked and W ...
Now That Was Entertainment! The Friday Nooner (EST)!
Florida Threatens To Secede, America Goes Back To Sleep
The 10 Worst Ice Cream Flavors Ever (An Obituary)
Giving The Weirdos Their Due: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Innocent Disney Movie Or Harbinger Of The Apocalypse? The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The Ultimate Scientology Video Finally Reveals The Secret To Unlocking Your Thetans
Nikko Electronics Unveils The Most Effective Birth Control Ever: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
A big day for pornography in Cuba
Nobody Ever Said Being A National Joke Was Going To Be Easy: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
sonnyblack
He is turning in to Chewy.