| Featured |
20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God
|
For as long as there has been religion, there's been someone hawking religious crap to scam a buck off the devout. But once the market becomes saturated with tasteful silver crosses and Star of David pendants, retailers had to find more exotic fare to tempt the faithful. And so began a downward spiral of crass and downright sacrilegious merchandise that is certain to call down the wrath of the almighty Himself. #20.
Ketzel the Cat Menorah
Crazy cat ladies transcend religious barriers--it's really a unifying theme of humanity. As such, when Chanukah rolls around, those Jewish crazy cat ladies bust out Ketzel. It's the one time of year that Judaism really lends itself to lighting a nightmarish looking blue cat in a bow tie on fire for several days. #19.
Luke 6:38 Roll Gum
For those not able to bring up Biblical verse off the top of their heads, this is Luke 6:38: Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Yes, today the Lord has heaped upon us this blessing of bubblegum tape. #18.
Ten Plagues of Egypt Toy
Some of the darker aspects of the scriptures, things like fiery wrath and disease, are tricky to capture in soft, cuddly animal form. Or are they? Yes, they are. But that didn't stop someone from trying with the 10 Plagues of Egypt toy. Now your child, ages 3 and up, can enjoy an unhappy severed head of the first born, locusts, twitching, dying cattle and so much more. #17.
Testamints
The groan-worthy pun name of this product alone should be enough to get it banned by the church. These mints have scripture written on the one-inch square wrapper, which we guess makes them a sort of a reverse fortune cookie. Their spokesperson is none other than Jaci Velasquez. You know, Dove Award-winning American Contemporary Christian Latin Pop singer Jaci Velasquez? Yeah, that one. She assures us these things are minty as hell. As hell. #16.
Baby Jesus Cookie Cutter
The urge to engage in some manner of cannibalistic ritual with God is a natural one, what with that whole body of Christ thing that creeps out so many kids at church. If you could make Jesus a little more tasty, toss in some sprinkles and maybe a little chocolate, why not? And so what if the cookie that it forms ends up looking like some emotionless, drug-addled eastern European cartoon in a shopping cart? #15.
Chocolate Jewish Bear
Known to roam the valleys of Israel, the chocolate Jew bear is credited with inventing kosher pickles and once chasing Abraham three miles across rough terrain. Oh sorry, we made that whole thing up by accident. Yeah, we don't know where the fuck chocolate Jew bear came from. Maybe they made up this cartoonish character, as they knew every child's instinct would be to bite the head off first. It's not like they can have the kids biting the head off Jesus.
Or, maybe they can. #13.
Pope Cake
After much research, it became clear that the Pope Cake (or Dolce Del Papa) is not a joke. Some Italian joint called Pan Ducale made them because Pope John Paul II really dug this cake and not, as we had hoped, because the Pope made each cake himself. What's that? You thought we were going to make some kind of sophomoric "Poop Cake" reference? We're afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave. #12.
Praise Workout Circuit Training Video
Let's be honest, Jesus hates fatties. It's somewhere in the Bible. Just follow the asterisk on that bit about him loving everyone. But that doesn't mean He'll hate you forever. Not if you pick up the Praise Workout Circuit Training Video so you can trim down to the sweet beats of inspirational worship music. If all other workouts have failed, this has to work as it puts God on your side. If this fails, you're almost definitely going to eat your way right to hell. #11.
Jesus Loves You Footwear
As many of you know, we absolutely hate going to the beach. Not because our pale, undernourished frames respond to the sun in vampire-like fashion nor because that big, muscle guy keeps kicking sand in our faces. No, it's because we can't stand the thought of leaving blank, wordless tracks in the sand. Well thank God that's not a concern any more. Now we can tell the world, on the beach or some muddy lot, that Jesus loves them from the bottom of our feet. |
193 Comments
unknown
ΪƼйõԶ̽˾,Զ̽˾Զ̽˾ϺԶ̽˾Զ̽˾Զ̽˾ϾԶ̽˾Զ̽˾Ӫ|±--Ϊṩרҵ±Ӫ|±ѯ±վ/վƹ±/Ӫɩ,ɩ,ɩͼƬ,ɩ,ɩλ,粿ִŻ̳Ϻ̳йרҵμزƷ,Ŷξ,ҵнϸ֪ȡ չ ֣չ ҵ ֣Ļý˾,811107792@eustar.com
Wire harness
wet tissue packing machine,wet tissue packing machine˾,ڻwet tissue packing machine,wet tissue packing machine,wet tissue packing machine,wet tissue packing machineϢƽ̨,wet tissue packing machine,½wet tissue packing machineվ,˹wet tissue packing machineWholesale handbagsվý壬Wholesale handbagsΪվṩWholesale handbagsʽWholesale handbagsֻҪĽWholesale handbagswholesale jewelrywholesale jewelryҵwholesale jewelryȵȡȻwholesale jewelrywholesale jewelryճ˵ġwholesale jewelryָҵwholesale jewelrywholesale wedding dressйרҵwholesale wedding dressվרҵwholesale wedding dressѶwholesale wedding dress·wholesale wedding dressעwholesale wedding dressҵ¡wholesale wedding dressWire harness̳Wire harnessIADer̳йWire harnessˡWire harnessˡWire harness˾,811107792@eustar.com
˾
˾˾ḻ˾ýԱȷ˾Ͷϵͳ˾Ϊ˾ͻ,811107792@eustar.com
capsule filling machine
buying wow accountϡӰbuying wow accountϡbuying wow account⣩buying wow accountҵbuying wow accountģϵȡǽ߳Ϊṩbuying wow accounts,buying wow accounts,buying wow accountsȫʡȫλbuying wow accounts飺buying wow accountsѩƣbuying wow accounts۹Լbuying wow accounts汾.Candesartan Cilexetil˾ĽܳϺCandesartan Cilexetil˾йCandesartan Cilexetilṩ̣Candesartan Cilexetil˾ǿCandesartan CilexetilԴcapsule filling machine,capsule filling machine,capsule filling machineͼƬ,capsule filling machine,capsule filling machineλ,캽capsule filling machineһṩcapsule filling machineԼcapsule filling machineýΪcapsule filling machinecapsule filling machine˾,811107792@eustar.com
Man, your really funny. . . but I guess I didn't need to tell you that. >.> Keep writing cracked articles and I'll be there reading them all! Woah, that might sound a little creepy. . . um. . .
˾
й˾˾Ƶʡ˾ϢѶƽ̨ȫ˾µ˾Ѷ811107792@eustar.com
unknown
յ,յ,ܱյ,յ,ԭյ,յ,ɫյ!ṩյý,յ˾⣬յ飬յƷյйܵȷṩҽưѪƣҽưѪƷйҽưѪһѰҽưѪеĵطṩмֵҽưѪרҵӢķƹ˾ӢķƣӢķӢķviоͬʱдԼȫ˵רȨררΪѡƷӭչʾƷ811107792@eustar.com
йƱ
ƴ˾һרҵƴ˾ƴ˾ƾԽƴ˲ʵΪṩֵƴƶƶƽ̨ҵƶ֧Լƶͻƶͻĸ飬ƶͻͨشƶ¥ư̺¥ư̺ư̺۱ضбư̺۱ۣư̺绰ƴŹǾ, ѺƴŹƵ, ;ƴŹ, ƴŹ ... йƴŹ, ƴŹҵ_ƾ_, ƴŹйһͨýվԼʱһͨšһͨѶͶһͨϢΪһͨйƱ йƱƹ㣬йƱƷƣ йƱг. йƱ. йƱ. ŮйƱ811107792@eustar.com
unknown
·Ƥƣ·ƤͼƬϺ·Ƥ˾·Ƥƣ·Ƥ.ƤƤƤýۿƤױгƤƤƤƷƤӡˢƤ ƤṩȫĸƤƤ㣬йƤףƤƤͼƤ·ƤʤأƤվѶ.ΪƤṩ,ʵƤײƷ,ΪҪƤṩƤȫλ.ƤסƤסƤ ȫרҵҵ˲, ṩ缰繫˾˲ְƸͷϢȫýۿβϵ绰αý忯οι˾ƼĿ۸.811107792@eustar.com
᳦
ʦ,ʦ,ϻ⽨ʦ,ϽʦԹ˾ʦԲ,ʦԷɷ,ʦ˾չʾҵṩʹӦ˲ŽʳƷģʳƷҵɳչ. ... չʳƷǿۺϹ[3221,]ִʳƷʳƷ˾ʳƷ,｡ʳƷ,Ӣ｡ʳƷ,ϺʳƷ˾,ʳƷ˾,ʳƷϺ᳦˾᳦ͬ(TD)᳦˾رעĵĽ᳦ĿǰϺ᳦˾ɶṩӢ᳦ṩ᳦ʳס鹺Ѷ᳦ײƷԤ᳦ӵͼεȹܡ811107792@eustar.com
ҽԺ
ŵëʽɸۣƵɸƷɸɸĻɸԡ,,,,㵼,,Ԥ,־,ý,,̳,վ,,,Ǯ,,,θѡҵ,زҵܱ߲Ʒ,רע,ӭϿͻ. ̳IADer̳йˡˡݹ˾ҽԺӰҽԺýý巢ҽԺҽԺҽԺֽҽԺý屨ý811107792@eustar.com
ѹ
oѡoͱʵý/չʾoҵ/쿴o˶ƽ̨ͰѶµĿӼ۸ṩȫĿšӵӲѯӳͲͼƬȿϢ ṩյװʳס鹺ѶյװƷԤյװӵͼεȹܡṩѹӪƽ̨ĿѹѹƣѹѹӪϾձѹ ѹ ̱ѹ ̱ѹ ĩѹ Ӫ|ѹ--ΪṩרҵѹӪ|ѹѯѹվ/վƹѹ/Ӫ811107792@eustar.com
᳦
ϺｨʦṩʦԤʦʦηֽ,ӽ,־,罡,,йʳƷܿһʳƷרҵϵͳĽʳƷB 2Bƽ̨ʳƷáϽʳƷ£ʳƷ˫һй·ƽʳƷʳƷƳУ·ƽʳƷ·ƽʳƷ·ƽʳƷ˾й᳦Ϊڽ᳦һƷ,й᳦ǹƵĽ᳦Ʒ᳦ƽ̨Ͼ᳦,᳦,Ͼ᳦ײƷ,Ͼ᳦Ŀƹ,Ͼ᳦ͼչʾ,Ͼ᳦ͨϾ᳦ʽ811107792@eustar.com
ɩ
Ϻ٤ṩ٤Ԥ٤٤ηϺëṩëԤëëηë˾ëع˾ܲϾëع˾ͨëع˾ëع˾ëع˾ͬɵġڱվʯ밴ʯйʯ涨ʯҪʵϷʯͨԭӹPťԭӹPԭӹPԭӹPʾԭӹPαʶԭӹPȫԭӹPɩ̳רҵɩɩ˾ܲõɩ۵㣬ɩչѧо811107792@eustar.com
աå
ëѡëͱʵý/չʾëҵ/켤ëƽ̨ȥ߽ƽ̨/ȥҵ//Ƶ//ȥƷ/ȥ/ȥ̻/ȥӪ/ȥ߷/ȥ˲ųɳѷ˾|ǧ-ɳѷ˾: רҵijɳѷ˾ṩ62Եļѷרҵë۸Ϣ,ë۸ҵ˾㼯ڶ༤ë۸ҵȫļë۸Ϣг,աå˾աå˾.ɼաåʿɵһרҵաå˾աå˾.мաåΨһһաåý,աåļաåϢƽ̨缴աåý.811107792@eustar.com
ô
ȼƸ|ƸȼʦйҼȼרҵȼ˲վAdjobs.com.cnмȼ˲飺ѩƣ鼼۹Լ⼼汾.ʼôѧôѧҳƵѵ¼,ôѧ˾,ôѧƹ˾,ôѧ˾,ôѧչ˾ͨôѧ˾Ϊһרҵôѧ˾ӵдרҵôѧ˲ţôѧ˾ƾԽļôѧ˲ʵôѧƵ,йȨôѧý,ôѧԭ,ͼôѧ,ôѧҵ̸.ŵëʽôۣƵļôƷļôôĻļôԡ811107792@eustar.com
Һλ
۲. 籨۲۸ ۲۸. ۲λ˴۴, ۴, ʱ֮, ۴, ɽ۴, й۴, Ĵ۴۴Ӫ۴,۴,۴Ʒ,۴,۴˲,,۴,۴,۴ййййIJĵѶ.ҰĢά,ҰĢά,ҰĢ,άҰĢ,ҰĢάޣҰĢάҰĢͨҺλ˾ΪһרҵҺλƹ˾ӵдרҵҺλ˲ţҺλƹ˾ƾԽҺλ˲ʵ811107792@eustar.com
ͥ롡`
åԥ`֮Ϊṩåԥ`ۣåԥ`ͼƬåԥ`ȼ۸ȫʵĥåԥ`šåԥ`顢åԥ`⡢åԥ`ȵ åƵṩŶåԼΣƵԤȥåзϺåȣ㽭åȣեåȵȥå·ѡḻĥåѶåȻ,ȫλåȡǶȵĥåȱṩ¥åʳ.åʳƷȵåʳƷͥåʳƷŻiPlus˥åʳƷЧϵߥåʳƷվ롣йĥǥåýվԼʱǥåšĥǥåѶͶĥǥåϢΪǥå·ƥͥ롡`ƣ·ͥ롡`ͼƬϺ·ƥͥ롡`ȹ˾·ƥͥ롡`ƣ·ƥͥ롡`.811107792@eustar.com
Water feature
չý,warcraft guide,Ļʾ,չ,warcraft guideƷ,warcraft guideý,warcraft guide,warcraft guide豸.warcraft power leveling,warcraft power leveling,warcraft power leveling˾,warcraft power leveling,warcraft power leveling,warcraft power levelingɳ,warcraft power leveling,warcraft power levelingý,warcraft power leveling̸warcraft power leveling,warcraft power leveling,ͩǡwarcraft power levelingwarcraft power leveling˾warcraft power levelingҳ.warcraft power leveling˾һҳʮרҵwarcraft power levelingҵ,warcraft power levelingҵΧ,warcraft power leveling˲, warcraft power leveling֪ʶйwarcraft powerlevelingܿһwarcraft powerlevelingרҵϵͳwarcraft powerlevelingB 2Bƽ̨warcraft powerlevelingáwarcraft powerleveling£warcraft powerleveling˫һWater featureƽ̨/Water featureҵ//Ƶ//Water featureƷ/Water feature/Water feature̻/Water featureӪ/Water feature/Water feature˲811107792@eustar.com
More Funny Stuff
-
7 People From Around the World With Real Mutant Superpowers
The X-Men without the shitty one liners.
-
13 Last Requests That Prove It's OK to Laugh at Dead People
Come on, some were trying to be funny!
-
25 Historical Events (As Depicted by 5 Year Olds)
Children are stupid. Let's laugh at them.
-
11 Celebrity-Inspired Fads We'd Like to Forget
Thanks for the grills, Flavor Flav!
Popular stuff
-
5 Terrible Life Lessons Hollywood Loves to Teach You
Not quite as useful as "look both ways."
-
The 5 Most Baffling Explosions in Movie History
First rule of Hollywood: Everything explodes.
-
If Your Last Girlfriend Had an IMDb Page
You might have caught on a bit quicker.
-
6 Famous Songs That Don't Mean What You Think
Musicians are even dumber than you thought.
The 4th of July. "Independence Day." "The Big Easy." The day the entire planet gets together to put aside our differences and bond over our common love of fireworks and professional baseball. It's ...
Los Angeles: Home To Movie Stars, The Wayans Brothers, And MeIf you've been wondering why some posts on this blog have seemed thin and phoned in lately, I've got ...
Wall-E: The Touching Tale Of An Aging Gay RobotLike many of you, I took a break from the lavish penthouse parties that are my workaday routine to ...
- Home
- Submissions
- Contact Us
- Newsletter
- Cracked Store
- Advertise
- Terms & Conditions
- Link to Cracked
- Privacy Policy
- Site Map
Copyright © 2005 - 2007 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
![](”http://vs.dmtracker.com/images/zig.gif?Log=1")
Kaedechtu
"...where the arch villain, WACKY PROTESTAH!..." lol! I am SO getting that video game!