The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time
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As we all prepare to spend a long weekend enjoying Presidential Savings on mattresses and used Toyotas, we could take time to thank some of the presidents who passed bills that protect some of the freedoms your enjoy daily. Or we could spend the day celebrating the presidents who are decidedly more Action Movie Heroes than diplomats. Anyway, guess which kind of president this website decided to focus on? #5.
Andrew Jackson
When the 1828 election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running. If you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic. 
Former Democratic Senator and Secretary of the Treasurey Albert Gallatin feared a Jackson presidency because of his "habitual disregard of laws and constitutional provisions." Or in other words, the man was a loose canon--17th Century Washigton's answer to Martin Riggs. Sure, he probably didn't have an irate black lieutenant to answer to, or a weary partner who was too old for this shit, but he most certainly had a death wish. How do we know? Well, despite everyone's best efforts, Jackson was elected to the top office, and when he wasn't busy shaping the Presidency as we know it today, you could find him out back dueling. In case you haven't been to the 18th century lately, this unmanly sounding activity actually involves standing across from an armed man and shooting at him while he in turn shoots at you. The number of duels that Jackson took part in varies depending on what source you consult; some say 13, while others rank the number somewhere in the 100's, both of which are entirely too many times for a reasonable human being to stand in front of someone who is strying to kill them with a loaded gun. On one occasion, he challenged a man named Charles Dickinson to a duel, (the reason behind it wasn't important, not to us and certainly not to Jackson), and Jackson was even kind enough to give Dickinson the first shot. We're gonna go ahead and repeat that: In a duel with pistols, Jackson politely volunteers to be shot at first. Dickinson happily obliged and shot Jackson, who proceeded to shake it off like it was a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickinson was not so lucky, and that's why his face isn't on the twenty. The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not dueling," Jackson's least favorite category.
Greatest Display of Badassedry:
The guns were inspected afterwards and it was discovered that they were in perfect working order, leading some historians to believe that it was an odds-defying "miracle" that Jackson survived, while we're pretty sure that the bullets, like everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.
Most Badass Quote:
That's right. In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president. |
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Second the need for mention of Jimmy Carter, if not on this list than at least in these comments... the man was attacked by a giant, swimming rabbit!
The world must never forget.
Dude, if u were as suave as JFK i garuntee u could use the "serious discussion" line. in fact i will absolutely try it, maybe throw in the hilarious accent he had too. and for the record, i think his wife was hotter than half of the chicks u mentioned
Here's another good Jackson quote:
"Yes I have; please give my compliments to my friends in your State and say to them, that if a single drop of blood shall be shed there in opposition to the laws of the United States, I will hang the first man I can lay my hand on engaged in such treasonable conduct, upon the first tree I can reach."
Essentially, South Carolina decided it didn't want to pay import taxes and decided it could nullify federal laws, prompting Jackson to make the above quote. He also asked Congress to pass the Force Bill which would allow him to use military force against South Carolina.
There's also the time when Jackson decided to ignore the Supreme Court. Note that this isn't entirely unprecedented--the Federalist papers argued that this was a valid way for the Executive branch to check the Court's power. Unfortunately, this instance led to the Trail of Tears. The Trail of Tears is certainly a black mark on Jackson's record. However, this was a time when leaving the Indians alone could be seen as a radically pro-Indian stance. One hundred years later, hundreds of thousands of Japanese people were herded into camps and the government sponsored a study that injected nearly 400 black men with syphilis. I don't think Jackson should be judged too harshly on this point.
Wow. After seeing the class of tooky that JFK got, it makes any sexual conquest of mine (or any other man) look like nothing.
Teddy Roosevelt originally was president of the New York City Police Commissioners; he was made vice president to keep him from policing the hell out of New York. When the president was shot and Teddy received his promotion, the Ohio state senator Mark Hanna was reaction was quoted, "Now that damn cowboy is president."
After reading the quote for Teddy Roosevelt, did anyone else think "holy crap. Teddy Roosevelt was the chuck norris of u.s. presidents"?
I like this page, however there are a few details that highlight the badassery of jackson and roosevelt.
first, when jackson allowed the guy to take the first shot, he took it in the shoulder, then dropped on one knee, took aim, and shot the man through the face. he then proceeded to walk over to the face-shot man and piss on his corpse. I am not kidding, this s**t is historically corroborated. andrew jackson, when he was elected allowed the general public to hold a rager in the whitehouse, and was given a 100 lb round of cheese. he ordered the whitehouse staff to leave it on the floor of the whitehouse foyer. didn't matter because only he could move it. eventually it started to mold and the stench of 100 lbs of moldy mold permeated the White house untill he left office. there is evidently still a stain. he also kept a pet parrot that wasn't allowed on the floor of congress because it swore too much. he also had a special day of the month in which he hacked up the phlegm caused by having something like 19 bullets in his body.
Roosevelt: when he was off chillin in the backcountry of the dakotas, (he had decided to f*****g build a ranch, pretty much for the hell of it) he went to a bar in a place called something like devils asscrack, south dakota and ordered a coffee. four or five cowboys who had been living in devil's asscrack for a few years or so, made fun of his beverage choice. he asked them if they wanted to take it outside. they did. The next day these cowboys could be found working on roosevelt's new ranch, and wincing from the thunderous hailstorm of blows and moustache thrashings received the morning before.
and there was a river in south america called the river of doubt, because no one had ever traversed it successfully. and by successfully i mean without getting smashed into small bloody pieces then consumed by piranhas. It is now called the Roosevelt River. guess why.
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Um I vote for Andrew Jackson because his eyebrows were off the hook!
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I love Teddy Roosevelt! I'm an asthmatic, and he give people like me hope! Now if only I didn't have 20,000,000 allergies XP. Anyway, he is definitely the most bad-ass person ever! He can even beat death...I'll tell you how!
Anyone remember Obama's inauguration? If you say no, you fail. Doesn't matter if you like the guy or not, it was freakin historic. Anyway, I remember watching the end. My boyfriend, my brother, and I kept watching to see if anything funny happened. Then...there he was. And old man with white hair who looked EXACTLY like Theodore Roosevelt. We started screaming "Oh my God, Teddy! IT'S TEDDY MOTHER F*CKING ROOSEVELT!" So basically we went clown-sh*t insane over it. I know, we're nerds. Don't care, it was Teddy back from the dead!!!
cracked you totally missed the boat on this one. i'm pretty sure FDR would have just wheelchaired over any mob and then bent them over and stuffed their asses full of welfare programs.
Best article, though Andrew Jackson shouldn't be below George Washington. I think to chose this you have to ask yourself who would win in a battle royale. Teddy would definitely win, but Washington would be ousted before Old Hickory.
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Love the Lethal Weapon reference
Jackson should be higher. He refused to submit to a British officer during the Revolution and got sabred in the face, at the age of 14, proceeded to contract smallpox as a prisoner of war (at age of 14). Went on to pull a major upset at New Orleans, and won a few wars with various native american tribes.
My dad dated blaze star back in the 60s.
Roosevelt knew jujitsu?
That wasn't even popular here until twentyish years ago.
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Theodore Roosevelt becomes a lot less impressive when you hear one of his speech recordings.