5 Ways Hollywood Tricks You Into Seeing Bad Movies

Movie studios rarely worry whether the film they're producing is "good" or "bad" or "technically pornography." There's only one driving motivation, and if you can't guess what it is, there's a good chance this is the first time you've heard of the economic system referred to as capitalism.

In the rare instance an inferior product does slip out of Hollywood, producers have plenty of tricks to convince you to see it anyway. Here are the five most shameless:

#5.

The Genre Bait & Switch

Sometimes, even movies with expensive stars and famous directors are hard to market. Maybe the film's plot can't be explained in eight words or less. Maybe it's a bit heavy on "themes" and "character development" and too light on the important things like "low-cut shirts" and "explosions."

Whatever the case, it's nothing a little creative trailer editing can't fix.

Jarhead
The Movie: A deliberately-paced meditation on boredom and isolation set during the Gulf War. Many have described it as "a war movie without the war," a phrase that ranks up there with "deliberately-paced" and "meditation on boredom" among "Phrases Producers Really Don't Want To Hear."

Lucky for producers, the trailer puts the damn war back.

The featured battles and shenanigans falsely promise a film somewhere between Saving Private Ryan and Police Academy 8: Drafted! Of course, it's all editing room smoke and mirrors. Even a shot of Jake Gyllenhall dodging enemy fire at 1:22 turns out, in the film, to be nothing more than stray fireworks.

Sweeney Todd
Some people like musicals. Some people like incredibly graphic horror films. However, as the bloody yet melodious Sweeney Todd neared completion, producers made a tragic discovery:

Some creative trailer editing should solve that ...

Another delightfully wacky Johnny Depp character? Accents? Boats? Why, it's Pirates of the Caribbean for the Hot Topic crowd!

Good Luck Chuck
In this 2007 film, lots of women want to sleep with Dane Cook for some contrived and difficult to explain reason. The original trailer goes to great lengths to convince you that Dane Cook should be allowed to star in movies.

Producers eventually realized that not only was co-star Jessica Alba an actual celebrity, she was pretty damn easy on the eyes, too. A new trailer was quickly cut:

Why, Dane Cook is barely in this film! And the only time we hear him is when he's uttering grunts of pain while being abused by an underwear-clad Jessica Alba! To the box office, my good man!

191 Comments

SlickityMuffet

Bad movies are the life blood of society. Without bad movies what would we talk about at the watercooler/coffee pot?

Posted on 9/4/2008 11:49:55 AM

bobbysgirl

You wouldn't be tricked into seeing bad movies if you actually took the time to research the movies you are watching. The whole Sweeney Todd thing, for example... Some people didn't realize it was a musical.. Some people didn't realize how graphic it was... But with a little reasearch and a little reading of magazine articles, you can find out so much about what to expect. I think people just need to tune in more and realize how deceiving posters and previews can be.

Posted on 8/29/2008 6:27:35 PM

raven_nevermore

Too bad that Sweeney Todd originated as a comic strip type of thing in England newspapers, evolved into an actual story with a more substantial storyline, was made into a musical, THEN found it's way to Hollywood. Yeah, such a gothic POTC.

Posted on 8/11/2008 4:41:34 PM

adllop

hayleehavok, the only reason you're whining is because chances are you ARE in fact one of those kids that shops at Hot Topic.

If you had any common sense at all you'd understand why the author made that joke.

Posted on 7/9/2008 5:35:47 PM

Cat

hayleehavok, you're an idiot. Try reading the article again, and if you still don't get why they said that go immediately to a reading comprehension course. Honestly!

Posted on 7/2/2008 5:12:23 PM

hayleehavok

"Why, it's Pirates of the Caribbean for the Hot Topic crowd!"

As a theater student this offends me, I'm pretty sure the ORIGINAL STAGE MUSICAL came out long before Hot Topic. Or at least, before Hot Topic got emo.

Posted on 7/2/2008 1:59:33 PM

cloudy97

The Love Guru looked like it sucked snyways. Not funny at all!

Posted on 6/29/2008 6:24:02 AM

BenJoseph

The Love Guru lost over $40 million at the box office. Capitalism?

Posted on 6/28/2008 12:30:26 PM

AbeFrohman

Love the site, but not sure if one writer here understands capitalism at all, since you want to blame the studios, (who I agree push shit after shit on us", blame the asshole americans who fork over the money to watch these time after time, it doesnt make any sense for them to stop if we keep buying it, they are gonna sell whats in demand and unfortunatley to our current general public it's; "The love Guru"

Posted on 6/23/2008 2:29:10 PM

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Posted on 6/18/2008 7:28:04 PM

sweetJulia08

I like swazingger's movies, because he is a big handsoem man! the very kind I like, just like the big manful guys I met at plusmeet.c o m. Many big beautiful women and big strong men mingle and seek fun&more there.

Posted on 6/12/2008 9:54:50 AM

Mr.Plainview

You're not my son. You never have been. You're an orphan. Did you ever hear that word? You operated here today like one. I should have seen this coming.

Posted on 6/8/2008 11:25:44 PM

Indigo_Dingo

I still don't get what your problem is. He starts singing at the 1:13 mark, and it shows the gruesome murders at 1:44, followed by a body dropping at 1:48. It was very faorthcoming about what it was, and how that would be awesome.

Posted on 6/7/2008 6:15:13 PM

I think the movie was good cause it could satisfy fans of the Actors (Sacha Baron Cohen, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, and that guy who played the lead, I forget his name), Tim Burtons work, slasher flicks, and musicals. Each one was placed and done so well that you could enjoy it for any reason. Now I have to find it on Blu-Ray.

Posted on 6/7/2008 5:59:41 PM

I take offense to this. I happen to love salasher flicks, Musicals and heavy metal. And I have no homicidal tendencies to speak of. And if anyone says different I'll rip off their head.

Posted on 6/7/2008 5:54:40 PM

mos_stef

I'd make a Monty Python spam reference but I'm too tired. Anyway, if you get "tricked" into seeing a movie because there's a green Jennifer Aniston on the cover... I say you got what's coming to you. WITH A POGO STICK.

Posted on 6/3/2008 7:15:53 PM