5 Ways Hollywood Tricks You Into Seeing Bad Movies
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Movie studios rarely worry whether the film they're producing is "good" or "bad" or "technically pornography." There's only one driving motivation, and if you can't guess what it is, there's a good chance this is the first time you've heard of the economic system referred to as capitalism. In the rare instance an inferior product does slip out of Hollywood, producers have plenty of tricks to convince you to see it anyway. Here are the five most shameless: #5.
The Genre Bait & Switch
Sometimes, even movies with expensive stars and famous directors are hard to market. Maybe the film's plot can't be explained in eight words or less. Maybe it's a bit heavy on "themes" and "character development" and too light on the important things like "low-cut shirts" and "explosions." Whatever the case, it's nothing a little creative trailer editing can't fix.
Jarhead
Lucky for producers, the trailer puts the damn war back.
The featured battles and shenanigans falsely promise a film somewhere between Saving Private Ryan and Police Academy 8: Drafted! Of course, it's all editing room smoke and mirrors. Even a shot of Jake Gyllenhall dodging enemy fire at 1:22 turns out, in the film, to be nothing more than stray fireworks.
Sweeney Todd
Some creative trailer editing should solve that ...
Another delightfully wacky Johnny Depp character? Accents? Boats? Why, it's Pirates of the Caribbean for the Hot Topic crowd!
Good Luck Chuck
Producers eventually realized that not only was co-star Jessica Alba an actual celebrity, she was pretty damn easy on the eyes, too. A new trailer was quickly cut:
Why, Dane Cook is barely in this film! And the only time we hear him is when he's uttering grunts of pain while being abused by an underwear-clad Jessica Alba! To the box office, my good man! |
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Almost Famous is a great movie, why is it on here? Sweeney Todd was only good if you hadn't seen the original one with Angela Lansbury. Seriously the new one was way too dark.
Wow uberschnepp, you are so in the know and cutting edge, can I have your baby?
P.S. If you mention how everyone else is an ignorant schlep while we are doing it, I will have twins.
I always knew Sweeney Tod was a musical, I hated it when like half the people left the theater during the opening scene. It just shows that the f*****g 'theater crowd' is way different from the people who actually give a s**t about what they're going to see before they buy their ticket. Who has that kind of money anyway? Do people really spend close to eleven dollars to watch something they never even f*****g heard of?
......I love Sweeney Todd.........
....Which.......explains a lot.
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One can just imagine what that pirate girl meant with "fire in the hole"
To be honest, I kinda want to watch H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds now. I never read the book, but I loved Jeff Wayne's musical version, and that was set in 19th century Britain, and as far as i know followed the original story...
Did anyone see "Man of the Year" with Robin Williams? That movie went from political comedy (as avertised) to conspiracy theory so quickly that I jumped up from my seat and yelled, "WTF?!?" in the theater.
I thought of a perfect movie for the genre bait and switch - Coyote f****n' Ugly. My god that movie was a piece of s**t. My brother and I went to see it thinking it was going to be all about hot chicks dancing on top of bars for money and boy were we mistaken. That was five minutes of the whole f*****g movie! The rest of the movie was some melodramatic crap about a chick trying to get a record deal. f**k that s**t. Thanks Cracked, I'm going to go demand Jerry Bruckheimer refund our money for that POS movie by hanging him upside down from a ledge like in Goodfellas.
OK-I did press *stop* halfway through #5
Is that considered an Internet virtual movie theater walkout?
Good god we may never know-owing to the fact that I didn't even actually move, but I clicked a mouse button.
Hmmm-that movie doth didns't seemuth sucketh much.
I, however, seem to be recovering from it's suckingness.
I believe it gave me cancer.
Erm. So I'm a little bit guilty of the whole bait and switch thing in relation to Sweeny Todd. Pre-movie, it was a play., On a stage. With real people. My boyfriend...not so much on the musicals. So I told him we were going to see a play about a serial killer. And (much like the movie, I may add) I left out the whole singing bit (the movie cut half of the damn songs). But it all worked out okay, like the movie did. So I guess the moral of the story is...it's sometimes okay to smudge the truth of the content of a show.
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Sweeney Todd is the greatest movie in the entire freaking world and if you don't like it then thats just too bad. It isn't even REMOTELY like Pirates of the Caribbean. It is beautiful, touching and heartfelt. Does the story of a barber, sent away so that a judge can rape his wife, sound like running aroud drunk trying to kill some octapus face? No.Just because it has blood and killing in it doesn't make it "gothic". The movie is 200 thousand times better than anything I have ever seen. If you don't like my comment, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it, and don't even bother replying with nasty comments.
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Sweeney Tod wasn't really a bad movie, especially when you compare it to some of the other musicals that have come out recently.
*shudder*
The PirateXXX was better than the actual third movie, too.
that Margaret thatcher joke made me LOL!
calling someone stupid cuz they disagree with your opinion of a movie. not a mature way of doing things. now i'll throw a rock at you and we'll go tell our mommies.
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SWEENY TODD WAS A GREAT MOVIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES