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#2.
Zombie-Pigs
Good lord, what is it?
Scientists in Cambridge also hope to use these new modified pigs for longer periods of research, with the ultimate goal of introducing human genetic material into pig embryos in an attempt to cultivate safe, healthy human compatible organs that could be used for medical studies, transplants, or just to pair well with a glass of Human-Tainted milk as a part of your soul-destroying, but somewhat more balanced, breakfast.
For the love of god, why are they doing this?
The primary usage of these modified, stress-free pigs that live longer lives with fewer disorders is to allow the scientists to observe more deeply the effects of further experimentation. In other words, it makes them easier to treat horribly. For the consumer, the added bonus is a relief of all that meat eaters guilt, since the new animals presumably give knowing winks and cheerful thumbs up signs as they are lead off to slaughter.
What's going to happen to us?
This is frightening enough on its own, but these genes may pass on not only the traits of passiveness and obedience to their new hosts, but also on the many retroviruses pigs carry innately that, up until this point, could not infect humans. These viruses are called, no shit, Porcine Endogenous Retro-Viruses, or PERVS for short, as the Department of Hilarious Pig Acronyms informs us. The PERVS, like HIV and, indeed, all retroviruses, are permanent once established. If infected, you can expect to experience severe, possibly lethal flu-like symptoms coupled with the complete and utter inability to ever get laid again as you inform potential lovers that you have PERVS, which actually gets worse once you attempt to explain that it "doesn't mean I'm a pervert, it's more like having Pig-AIDS." |
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Actually, as Jonathan Wojcik wrote in his article about critters that earn our undeserved hate, mice and rats aren't THAT much of a vector. The plague was spread by ticks. So, we really only have to worry about rediculously FAST vermin. Oh, and the eventual tweaked out, psychotic super-men, bent on raping us.
@Sephy the Vegan
Meat is MURDER!!!
Tasty, TASTY murder...
http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/4734/spidergoat.png
^This is what I see
aww man.why THE f**k did they have to ban animal/human hybrids?
(alright im a furry fan so what.)
I couldn't help but read Sephy's comment below in a "LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONE!" voice.
Okay, I found the other's funny, but seriously; making fun of Vegetarians and Vegans? Now that's just f*****g stupid.
Stop being such a f*****g p***k and stereotyping everyone who made this choice as a f*****g pansy who can't take the social qualms of real life. Seriously.
I'm a vegan. I know people hunt and kill and eat animals. Good for them. Humans are supposed to do that. I just don't feel comfortable eating something that had heartbeat. Deal? We're not spineless shits like you seem to think we are.
Stop being such an immature p***k.
I know they have glowing cats. Their skin glows, not the fur. really weird looking.
I don't know if anyone's mentioned this, but we do have glowing mice (as opposed to yet glowing monkeys). Real glow-in-the-dark fluorescent mice: I believe the scientists who came up with them won a Nobel prize or something.
I don't know about the rest of these, but SPEEDY GONZALEZ.
Oh please, we have waited too long GIVE US GONZALEZ!
with all this stuff life will become very extremely interseting. maybe even create another intelligant species to share earth with and do trade (haha). should splice something with WATER BEAR genes. look it up its not actually a bear. and is near unkillable.
I'm just waiting for replicant slaves and off world colonies. Then I could finally get some use out of this blade runner costume I made.
And for the record, I hate monkeys. So the notion of crossing them with a damned jelly fish...and failing to make them glow makes me want to scream myself to sleep. However, if they could get them to grow they wouldn't be able to sneak up on you so easily. So I guess I'm saying I want them to continue the research.
what about crab people
(you know crab people..taste like crab, talk like people)
lol guyverx that just made my day
you forgot to add
spider + human = spiderman
That spider-goat is a pansy. A REAL spider-goat would have eight legs, horns, fangs, venom, and shoot web from their mouths. That would be f*cking awesome.
"which sure beat the old-fashioned way of making a Jellyfish Monkey--furiously masturbating a jellyfish directly over a spread eagle monkey."
Call me a romantic, but I disagree.
As I was reading the Spider-Goat portion of the article, I overheard goats on the TV behind me. As it turns out, they were covering the scientist who thought up these monsters on the science channel. IT'S AN OMEN!!!!!!
well they will just have to create super-soldiers to combat the animals.
komodo dragon + human = lizard man
crocodile + human = croc
bat + human = batman or dracula
rhino + human = the rhino
lion + human = lion - o
"expect in the near future to be chased up the frozen side of a sheer cliff face by dog-sized goat-spiders who will suck the life-force from your prone body, after ultimately snaring you with the unbreakable projectile webs shot from their tits"
this happened to me once. in peru.
Look at the names for the Goats: Webster and PETER.
Why Peter you ask? Simple. Think about PETER Parker, who was Spider-man.
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That second pictue on the page about Jellyfish Monkeys looks like a dick