Third Reich to Fortune 500: Five Popular Brands the Nazis Gave Us

Already today you've used at least one product from a company that, at one time, worked for the Nazis. Now, in the name of not getting sued, we'd like to make it clear that we're not accusing any of the below companies of still being in bed with the Third Reich. All of them, to our knowledge, have long disavowed Hitler's regime as being both monstrous and no longer profitable.

Hugo Boss

No yuppie's wardrobe is complete without their standard Hugo Boss suit, Hugo Boss dress shirt, Hugo Boss tie, Hugo Boss sunglasses, Hugo Boss cologne, Hugo Boss man-thong and Hugo Boss socks (to stuff the thong). Even if you're too poor to afford Boss' goods, you can recognize Boss ads from a mile away. They always feature serious-looking men who, despite having enough money for expensive suits, appear to be addicted to heroin. They typically wear tight clothing, and gaze at you wantonly with hollow eyes of infinite, longing that scream, "I'm attractive and I'm really very unhappy about it."

Job with Nazis:
Speaking of stern, closeted white men, Hugo Boss manufactured the sleek all-black uniforms for the Schultzstaffel, better known as the SS. While today Boss uses black for slimming effects, in the SS uniforms it was used to command respect and fear in the populace. While their guns and propensity for genocide probably handled all required respect commanding just fine, the black uniforms did soak up sunlight during the summer months, causing the wearer to sweat uncomfortably and stink like a pack of Mongolian shit-camels. Members of the Hitler Youth were also decked out in Boss wear, teaching children an early lesson in looking good whilst beating up minorities.

So how evil were they?
Most of the uniforms were made in what can be considered the forerunner to the modern day sweatshop, at times by Prisoners of War. Also, it's impossible to underestimate the importance of those uniforms to the whole Nazi image. To this day, they are essentially synonymous with "evil." The influence of the design has been widespread, especially in film where their influence has been noted in the outfits of the Imperial officers from Star Wars.

But, unlike the products of some other companies on this list, the uniforms weren't directly responsible for killing people. In fact, since they actually made the wearers uncomfortable and smelly for a quarter of the year, relative to the rest of the companies on this list Hugo Boss probably deserves a medal of some sort.

Volkswagen

German automaker Volkswagen came on the scene just before World War II, and was founded by Ferdinand Porsche. He's the granddaddy of those fast and expensive cars that wind up becoming fast and expensive fireballs upon impact with a solid object.

Long before the name Porsche became synonymous with expensive toys for rich people, Ferdinand was the lead designer of the most mass-produced car of all time: the Volkswagen Beetle.

Job with Nazis:
What's more surprising, however, is that Porsche's partner in masterminding the Beetle was also the mastermind of World War II: that crazy, affable buffoon Hitler. Hitler specifically wanted a cheap, sturdy vehicle everyone in Germany would be able to drive. Being the opportunistic businessman that he was, Porsche quickly whipped up the Volkswagen Beetle and lobbied heavily for the Fuhrer's approval. Soon, Porsche had his slave labor factories churning them out by the thousands, and eventually, flying out of dealerships.

So how evil were they?
If anything, the Beetle is perhaps one of the most misconstrued cars in history. People look at its rounded shape and anthropomorphic face and instantly think of love, peace and smoking massive quantities of pot. But, it was really designed as a tool for everyday life in the always-cheerful Third Reich. Give credit to Porsche for designing a car so impossibly cute that we forget it was built by diseased slaves in some dark, dank factory in Stuttgart, Germany.

If you squint, Herbie the Love Bug is sporting a Hitler mustache.

346 Comments

ArekExcelsior

And Ambassador Breckinridge, and Operation Paperclip, and support of the Japanese chemical scientists, and so on and so forth. A lot of people were in bed with the Nazis.

Posted on 4/12/2008 2:29:44 AM

ghoyt55

What about G.M., DuPont, and standard oil prolonging the war by selling the nazi's high octane leaded gasoline? Or Henry Ford's support for hitler? Mary you are an idiot. Instead of the world speaking german, everyone speaks english... The American Reich.. 516 years and counting...

Posted on 4/4/2008 8:02:55 AM

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Posted on 3/30/2008 9:27:06 AM

lawdragon

Mary...get an education.

Posted on 3/30/2008 8:43:59 AM

avvie

Apparently Mary thinks it easy to manufacture evidence of a Holocaust, and doesn't know that even the German government recognizes the Holocaust as fact, and punishes those who perpetuate the Auschwitz Lie.

Posted on 3/29/2008 3:26:05 AM

MichaelFurlong

Well this is somewhat depressing

Posted on 3/28/2008 10:00:14 AM

JohnMcClane

I was thinking the same thing Mike. And go to Hell Mary.

Posted on 3/27/2008 6:56:11 AM

Mary O'Brien

The Holocaust is just a big hoax. BTW: We should always capitalize "Hoax" so that people will know that we are refering to the Jewish Hoax. The NS just weren't all that bad; they were just like us in fact, but maybe more honest and decent. The Hoax is big money for the Zionistas. The kittens are cute though.

Posted on 3/25/2008 10:42:57 PM

Mike

Jesus, why the hell isn't Fanta on this list? It's the most important one!

Posted on 3/25/2008 4:50:55 PM

Hitler#1!

You forgot Jews. Germany's fertilier of choice for almost 60 years. This is how it's made: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=15&sku=ENGL-CD00266

Posted on 3/20/2008 10:30:46 PM

kate

you forgot Fanta! coke didnt want its brand to be associated with the Nazi party during WWII, but didnt want to miss out on emerging markets, so it created the Fanta brand to market in germany

Posted on 3/13/2008 6:46:58 AM

eboy

don't forget solingen knives. They made the cool but deadly shivs that the SS carried. Now, it's kitchen / psycho ware for the home

Posted on 3/10/2008 6:34:08 PM

OM'effingG

You forgot to include all of the world changing medical discoveries that were made whilest the Mengela's of Nazi Germany did haneous tests on the Jews. It sucks to admit it, but the we learned a lot about what the human body can withstand becase of the holocaust.

Posted on 3/10/2008 11:42:39 AM

fascist

I don't think that anyone in their right mind would justify IBM's involvement. And you are correct in your statement that companies only serve the almighty $. There are many companies in the US that have caused as many deaths. We need to learn from it. How many people die in africa by guns built in the US for example. I am just sick and tired of the germany slamming day in and day out. It's in the past. let's look at the present day.

Posted on 3/7/2008 7:16:13 PM

laudanum

Great article, the point is, people/corporation only serves $, it is amoral. A. Nonymous, please tell me you're not stupid enough to try and justify IBM's involvement with the holocaust.

Posted on 3/7/2008 5:28:40 PM

A. Nonymous

This kind of IS douchebaggy. Does anyone else know that IBM's US subsidiary built rifles for the US military during the war? C'mon, dude. Likewise, "Zyklon" is only the German word for "cyclone" and it does not carry the heavy baggage in German that it does in other languages. I could go on and on. You guys, if you're trying to be funny, try harder, and do a little more fact-checking, mmkay?

Posted on 3/7/2008 3:57:00 PM

it's actually a pretty douchbaggy article. It's always nice to point out others wrongdoings and ignore that we should have learned from it and not let it repeat itself. So you might want to keep your arrogant agression at home in the US and look around you. See some similarities lately? Or should we vote in another republican and then it'll really be too late...

Posted on 3/7/2008 12:18:12 AM