Child Of: Forest Whitaker
The last King of Scotland actually did explain why he named his son Ocean. His words:
"I want those names to be their destiny, for my daughter to be honest and my son to be expansive. I try to be like a forest, revitalizing and constantly growing."
That's very inspirational, and we do hope his daughter is inspired by the ocean to become expansive, rather than becoming huge, salty and smelling of fish.
Child Of: Michael Jackson
You can really chart Michael Jackson's journey into Crazytown with the naming of his children. When his first kid was produced somehow in 1997, he gave him the pretentious but not-quite-insane name Prince Michael Jackson. In 2002, another boy comes along and Michael, completely out of name ideas, calls him Prince Michael II. You'd expect his nickname to be "The Revenge," but instead Michael started calling him "Blanket."
It's such a great example of how a completely innocent word, given the right set of circumstances, can be nightmarishly disturbing.
Child Of: Robert Rodriguez
But you might say, "Cracked, Rocket is such an awesome name!" OK, but you've got to try to imagine this kid having a life outside of porn industry. After all, imagine you're about to be put under on the operating table, and the nurse leans over and tells you your heart surgery is going to be performed by Rocket Rodriguez. OK, that would actually be pretty awesome. But seriously, imagine if the kid ever wanted to run for President ... wait, no, still awesome. OK, we may have to reconsider this one.
Interesting Tidbit: Rocket has four younger siblings: Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. Yeah, Rob has a thing for alliteration.
Child Of:The Edge (From U2)
Not one, but two children of U2 band members making the list! Coincidence? We think not!
It's telling that Edge could so easily have just left it at "Angel" and given the kid a perfectly normal name. Nope, he's The Edge and dammit, it's important the kid have a weird name that's difficult to explain, and reminds people of those stunt fighter pilots.
Child Of: Actress Shannyn Sossamon
It's true that Shannyn Sossamon just barely qualifies as a celebrity, but she forces her way onto this list with this exceptionally bizarre name.
We learn with this entry that the only thing sadder than a pretentious baby name is a failed attempt at a pretentious baby name that ends up sounding like the name of a class at a local community college.
Children Of: Frank Zappa
We've piled all of Frank Zappa's ridiculous kid names into one entry, rather than let him dominate half the list (He named his other kids Dweezil and Ahmet).
He was a funny guy, rest his soul, but as with Jason Lee earlier it's really not cool to saddle your kid with a goofy name just so you can chuckle when you see the birth certificate.
Child Of: Penn Jillette
Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part.
Child Of: Rob Morrow (from the TV show Numb3rs)
Now, we've just about reached the lowest of the low. Below the wacky joke names, and the pretentious hippie names, we have the pun names. Tu Morrow.
We've heard tales of these people; the ones named "Mary Christmas" and "Candy Barr" and "Ruby Cox." It's not only the worst kind of name, it's the worst kind of humor. "Tu Morrow?" That's not one of those things that starts out funny and then wears out its welcome with time; that stops being funny before you say it. It doesn't get any worse than this.
Child Of: Jermaine Jackson
We stand corrected.
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