2001 to Timecop: 8 Movie Futures Already Proven Wrong
In a few days it will be 2008, well into the future. Movies promised us we'd be flying cars to our jobs at the robot factory. Instead, we have to settle for iPods, free online checking accounts and AIDS. Of course, the future wouldn't have been such a disappointment if Hollywood hadn't gotten our hopes so high.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Set In
2001, according to our research of the title on the DVD case
The Premise
Mankind has begun colonizing space (awesome), leading to the discovery of an alien artifact under the lunar surface (even more awesome). An investigative space mission is undertaken with the help of a self-aware murderous supercomputer named HAL 9000 (so fucking awesome we just peed a little bit).
The Predictions
Advanced Artificial Intelligence: The closest thing we had to HAL in 2001 were AOL Instant Messenger Bots, which can "chat" in an irritating, judgmental way. These bots were designed to function at an intelligence level on par with your average AOL user, so let's just say we weren't in immediate danger of a HAL-like consciousness taking over a NASA mission and eliminating its crew members. Luckily, our 2001-era highly-combustible space shuttles were quite capable of killing astronauts on their own, thank you very much.
Innovative New Technology: There's a scene in 2001 in which a character is dozing in front of a flat-panel screen built into the seat in front of him--an impressively accurate prediction of JetBlue and other airlines with TVs in their seat back. Even more noteworthy is that he's watching programming that's obviously from the 1960s, eerily anticipating Nick at Nite.
Widespread Space Travel: It's easy to chide Space Odyssey for its ambitious forecast of turn-of-the-century space travel, but keep in mind that the film was released in 1968, a full year before we faked the moon landing. Nobody could have guessed that the Soviet Union would forfeit the Space Race for fear of getting its dress dirty, and then finally collapse like a little girl. This deprived us the fruits of competition. Were the Soviets still tinkering around with satellites, we'd probably be colonizing Pluto instead of bitterly revoking its status as a planet.
Overall Accuracy
2001 is often celebrated for its clairvoyance, because a few of its inane predications came vaguely true. But, the major plot elements still seem like crackhead visions of the distant future. And the movie's notion that we'd still have attractive flight attendants in 2001 now seems preposterous.
Timecop (1994)
Set In 2004
The Premise
Jean-Claude Van Damme (played by Jean-Claude Van Damme) is a Time Enforcement Agent tasked with making sure people don't use time travel to dick around with the past.
The Predictions
Time Travel: Obviously we didn't actually have access to time travel in 2004. But, what sets Timecop apart is its asinine treatment of the subject. Timecop's major rule is that when you're traveling to the past, you can't come in direct contact with your past self because "the same matter cannot occupy the same space." Right, Timecop. We suppose it can't.
Futuristic Cars: The cars in Timecop are able to navigate by themselves, with a voice activation system so advanced it can understand Jean-Claude Van Damme. Assuming the auto industry would whip up such advanced vehicles in 10 years is like making a movie today that is supposed to be set in 1985 and having everyone driving Model Ts.
Overall Accuracy
Absolutely nothing Timecop promised has come true. At one point, there's a throwaway sequence of a man preparing to masturbate with a VR headset, something we've all dreamed about at one time or another (that is, we've all dreamed of having VR porn. Hopefully your dreams aren't haunted by some guy in a big futuristic helmet masturbating). We probably shouldn't be surprised these guys weren't able to predict 10 years into the future since these are the same people who gambled their movie on the staying power of Jean-Claude Van Damme's popularity.
Death Race 2000 (1975)
Set In 2000
The Premise
After a national financial crisis, America's fascist president has created a sadistic annual Transcontinental Death Race. We've been pro-Death Race for years, but the government refuses to include it as a ballot initiative.
The Predictions
Futuristic Skyline: Even though it's only been 25 years--of financial crisis, mind you--New York has become an incredible futuristic city filled with countless metallic spires and emerald domes. The filmmakers apparently assumed construction would begin on these buildings immediately after filming was concluded. Or, they believed that by 2000 our cities would be replaced by fanciful matte painting backdrops.
Prevalence of Idiotic Violent Death Racing: OK, so we'll give them NASCAR. The only difference is that in the Death Race points are accumulated by running over pedestrians, and the points vary based on the age and gender of the person killed, whereas NASCAR is completely fucking pointless.
Overall Accuracy
Since Death Race is a goofy '70s satire, it's pretty hard to actually criticize them for their embarrassing vision of the year 2000. It's far easier to make fun of a pre-Rocky Sylvester Stallone, who plays a woman-beater named "Machine Gun" Joe. One thing we could have never predicted at the time is that "Machine Gun" Joe wouldn't even crack a list of the 10 all-time stupidest Sylvester Stallone character names.
RoboCop (1987)
Set In
They claim an indeterminate "near future," but a careful analysis of the fashions, haircuts, vehicles, and computers seen in this 1987 movie lead us to believe it took place no later than 1988.
The Premise
After suffering fatal wounds, Officer Murphy is reconstructed as an unfeeling cybernetic police officer. But in a world of crime and corruption, RoboCop might just be the most human character of all-- except for the whole cyborg freak thing.
The Predictions
Cyborg Technology: Although we're still years from ungainly, plodding cyborgs like RoboCop, bionic implants and artificial hearts are inching us closer to that universal American dream: a cyborg sexual servant in every home.
Privatization of Government: The crooked Omni megacorporation is contracted to oversee the police department, leading to large-scale corruption and the cruel manipulation of RoboCop. This is an astute anticipation of the present-day debates over private military contracts. Of course, Blackwater continues to maintain it never deployed cyborgs in Iraq, if you're naive enough to believe their official account.
Detroit Even More of a Shithole: RoboCop shrewdly takes place in Detroit, the only city that actually turned out to have the dystopian future sci-fi movies have been predicting for years. The movie version of the city is so overrun with crime and poverty that the Omni corporation hatches a plan to simply replace it with "Delta City." In reality such a dramatic last resort was never undertaken. Instead, everybody just kind of gave up.
Overall Accuracy
RoboCop is an odd mixture of the incredible (cyborgs, orbiting defense lasers) and the comically obsolete (cathode ray tube televisions, the 1986 Ford Taurus.)
So, even though no specific year is given for its setting, no matter what year you assign it, everything's still going to be completely wrong.
That's why Europeans are so grateful to America, and why when Americans travel to Europe today they're treated like heroes.
ReplySuperb sarcasm, sir!
Snake Plissken? I heard you were dead.
ReplyDon't forget the masses of discarded laserdiscs in the alleyway where they dumped McFly's girlfriend! We're also getting traction on the "instant food" microwave thingy...
ReplyRobocop - Set In
ReplyThey claim an indeterminate "near future," but a careful analysis of the fashions, haircuts, vehicles, and computers seen in this 1987 movie lead us to believe it took place no later than 1988.
Hilarious...!
Cubs? winning? world series? oh USA today you are so silly
ReplyI do love Robocop, but its 80sness is almost painful. My best guess is that it was meant to take place in a Bladerunner-type future, but they just didn't have the budget.
Reply"That's why Europeans are so grateful to America, and why when Americans travel to Europe today they're treated like heroes."
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesThat has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Do you have any idea of what id going on in the world besides what is going on outside of your nationalist bigoted little head? I am all for america, I really am. I could care less about other countries. But dammit, even I know that the world, let alone Europe, isn't exactly happy with us, not even back in 2007. Wow, just wow. At least I'm aware that I'm an asshole. This person seems to believe that the rest of the world owes him something.
You don't understand the concept of humor, do you?
its ok i was pissed too, but i knew it was extreme sarcasm. although they get hailed as heros in australia...
You fail at sarcasm. HARD.
sarcasm |ˈsärˌkazəm|
noun
the use of irony to mock or convey contempt
In the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special, it predicts the future of cybersex, when Chewbacca's father has just that with a sexy image of Dianne Carroll, who all the while is talking hot lines like "I am your fantasy" and more, as he grunts while watching this through his headset.
ReplyOh wait, this actually happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Still, the first cybersex was with Chewie's perverted dad.
"First of all we didn't fake the moon landing..."
Reply"it could only be alluding to September 11th, if it had occurred AFTER 9/11."
You have got to be shitting me. C'mon, people. At least TRY.
First of all we didn't fake the moon landing...
ReplyAre you familiar with the term "sarcasm"? Yeah, it's absolutely NOWHERE on the internet...
"...whose plane had been hijacked by terrorists and crashed into Manhattan in a tasteless allusion to Sept 11, 2001."
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesNote to author: it could only be alluding to September 11th, if it had occurred AFTER 9/11. It could only be a tasteless allusion to 9/11, if the movie producers had intended in 1981 to make fun of the deaths of 3,000 people in 2001. That would also be the most prescient of all movie making story lines in the history of cinema.
It's called comedy retard. Look it up...
An allusion is a reference to something that hasn't happened or been revealed yet. Your not very good at this.
@Mellotiger - interesting idea. However, how would the movie makers allude to something they had absolutely no knowledge of? And, "allusion" is a passing or casual reference; or an incidental mention of something, It makes no indication of time or sequence of events.
I am not trying to argue, but I learned in English that an allusion is a reference to something, usually biblical references or references to Greek Mythology but it doesn't have to be.
Flightrisk: You don't seem to understand how a reference works. A thing must already exist before you can make an allusion to it. If I write a novel in which a woman named Maria gives birth to her son Christopher in a stable, it's a safe bet that was a biblical allusion. The Bible, however, was not alluding to my story; it was there first. Sequence is most certainly a relevant factor in this case.
If Back to the Future is so accurate, where is my hoverboard? I was promised a hoverboard...
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIt'll come. Just be patient. We haven't reached 2015 yet so we can't say the Back to the Future II thing won't happen.
Fortunately, Nike is releasing those self-tying sneakers in 2015...
What about the goddamned FLYING CARS?! Nobody I have seen on this page has mentioned this.
I'm surprised you didn't notice- in 2001 the one guy in the spaceship was using a device that's described (I read the book) exactly like an iPad. He also says it's updated with news articles from the Earth transmissions, which sounds suspiciously like the internet to me.
ReplyThis article was written in 2007. No iPads then.
Or was it?
Re: robocop
ReplyI believe it's depiction of public/privat is nearly accurate. We have gov'ts that are bankrupt and powerless while megacorporations have become the new gov'ts. In robocop 2 the old man states it perfectly "everyone can have a say in omni by being a shareholder. By being a shareholder, everyone has a vote.". So we are giving up govt of free men for govt of citizens who can afford to be part of society. Those that can't afford a voice should work harder. I'm just saying.
Sooo... It costs you how much to vote, Bryan?
Surprised any of you even KNOW about "Things to Come" but I'm sure you had to bash it because it was the ONLY H.G.Wells novel brought to film that wasn't totally butchered...
ReplyGranted, after getting booed out of the theaters for predicting another world war on the horizon, history in RL went different. The war actually changed it, btw.
No, serious. Remember (and watch it online) the poison gas scene? While nowhere near as gross as real stuff (witnessed in WW1) it changed history. Shortly after it was released, a British official saw it as what would happen and went to Parliament. They signed a deal with Germany not to use chemical or biological weapons.
Hitler, a twice victim of Mustard gas himself kept his end of the bargain. While they gassed JEWS Hitler made clear "No soldier should go through that suffering, war is horrible enough!" and prevented his army and his Mad Scientists from using anything on the allies. And they had weapons they could have literally just poisoned entire continents then a year later came in and settled but due to Hitler keeping his word and his honor that didn't happen.
But, yes, things to come went different after predicting WW2, but in a way wasn't it an exaggerated version of the 40s, 50s and 60s?
The Nazis had buttloads of poison gas and would have used it in a minute once the war started going bad for them, but they thought that the Allies had even more ready to be fired back at them. It turns out that Nazi intelligence had noticed canisters were stationed by American artillary pieces, and mistakenly believed them to be poison gas. Actually they were coolant or something like that.
hell, we even have those shoes now.
ReplyAs a completely geeky side note on Time Cop, the same matter wouldn't be occupying the same space. You are not made out of the same stuff that you were made up of twenty years ago, ten years ago, even a year ago. So on a mirco-level, it's bullshit. Come on supertheorists, come up with an equation for everything so we can write a Cracked article about about "The Top Ten Things About Reality That We Now Know Are Bullshit" Hilarity will ensue.
ReplyI'm ludicrously bad at the whole "Spot The Matte Painting" game every in-depth film critic apparently needs to be good at, but... wow, Death Race. Just wow.
ReplyIf you look closely, the paper says "man killed by falling litter."
ReplyAnd, "Washington prepares for visit from Princess Diana."
"cholesterol may be cancer cure" in the newspaper in back to the future 2.
Replydumbass scientists
To be fair, the hysteria about cholesterol has led to a lot of cholesterol deficiency. But yeah, after seeing three of my immediate family members suffer cancer for years (thankfully only one died) I'd be pretty annoyed if it turned out they just needed to eat more cheese and boiled eggs.