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Was 9/11 an Inside Job?

By David Wong December 10, 2007 123,839 views
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2. The 9/11 Conspiracy guys are retarded.


Just as it's wrong to find complicated conspiracy where simple incompetence will explain everything, it's also wrong to presume evil motives where simple mental retardation may be the explanation.

Loose Change didn't invent the 9/11 conspiracy. The conspiracy theories started loooong before 9/11, because there is a core group of people out there who quite simply believe every conspiracy theory ever suspected, ever, by anybody.

For instance, the Loose Change guys actually guest hosted a talk radio show recently. When a caller suggested that we should be more worried about the government controlling the weather, the guys agreed that of course the government has weather control machines but this 9/11 thing is also important. Hey, why not.


Tornado fans are available at many retail outlets

Now, fans of this site know, I don't be trustin' me no government. I've put in time at various intelligence agencies and at one major government contractor (Kellogg, Brown & Root). I've worked for these people and let me tell you, the government is a mess. And elected officials, don't get me started on those people. They'll do anything it takes to get votes.

But here's the thing. The 9/11 "Truth" guys, the Loose Changers and all the many websites, they don't just think government is corrupt. They think everybody, and I mean everybody, is either evil on a demonic scale, or a mindless sheep.

For instance, how much money would it take to get you to kill 3,000 random, innocent Americans? Or, say you stumbled upon somebody else's plan to kill 3,000 innocent Americans. How much would it take to get you to stay silent afterward?

A hundred dollars? Two hundred? Two hundred fifty?

Well if the conspiracy guys are right, there are people reading this right now who took that deal. No kidding.

Here's why. The entire 9/11 "Truth" movement rests on the idea that the World Trade Center towers were rigged with explosives, a "Controlled Demolition" like you see with old buildings. That's the whole thing. They say the buildings couldn't have come down otherwise.



Forget the fact that no experts on the subject agree with them. That's not the point right now. We're just trying to get inside these guys' heads.

Now, maybe you could keep the plan itself a secret. A few dozen murderous black ops guys, demolitions experts with a grudge against the USA, maybe they've been brainwashed. Who knows. Maybe it could be done. People point out that the Manhattan Project to build the atomic bomb was kept a secret, so why not this?

But the cover-up. Holy shit, guys. Covering this thing up after the fact would be like trying to keep the atomic bomb a secret after Hiroshima. Just wait 'till you hear this.

First, picture the demolitions teams wiring up the World Trade Center towers with explosives prior to the attack. Obviously you couldn't do it during business hours, since it'd be kind of hard to explain to the 100,000 people who worked at or visited the WTC towers on any given day why you had a huge chunk of wall torn out and were wiring up a bomb on the steel beams there.


World Trade Center observation deck. Notice: people are there.

I mean, keep in mind, I don't know how big of a job that would be (no one has ever demolished a building that size before) but a building just half the size of one WTC tower took 4,000 separate charges to bring down. Four thousand.

That job took seven months of prep work... and they had the run of an abandoned building, without having to hide their work from 100,000 people every day. Our demolition crew, on the other hand, can work only at night and has to spend the last bit of every shift carefully repairing the wall and hiding any evidence of charges or detonators as not to be discovered during the day.

Huge teams of demolitions experts, who had no problem wiring a building full of innocent New Yorkers to explode, hired in secret, worked every night for what had to be a year (and that's only if they had a big enough crew) placing maybe 10,000 separate charges in each tower and another few thousand in WTC 7 (the smaller WTC tower that also collapsed, later in the day on 9/11).

And nobody notices.

That's right. That's the theory they're putting out there. 100,000 DVDs they've sold with this.

Truckloads of bombs, dozens of mysterious workers, going in and out of the building, night after night. Security at the building doesn't catch them, Port Authority Police don't catch them, random eyewitnesses who stumble across the operation and call the cops don't catch them, maintenance workers who stumble across wet paint and repaired walls and bits of strange wire don't catch them, security cameras don't catch them.

The bomb-sniffing dogs who were brought in from time to time (remember, these buildings were bombed by terrorists in 1993) who are trained to find even one bomb, fail to notice the 10,000 bombs lining their building.


If you're saying that nothing could possibly be more retarded than that, you're wrong.

No, they're just getting started. It's at this stage of the hypothetical plot when the 9/11 conspiracy guys say the real cover-up began. This is when all of the many, many people who could have blown the lid off the whole thing chose to stay silent because they were paid off by the government.

That includes hundreds of private researchers and government employees who prepared gigantic reports about the collapse of the towers from the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) and the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).

Also, officials in the New York City Fire Department.

All were written fat checks, say the conspiracy guys, to cover up the murder of 3,000 New Yorkers. Keep in mind, some of them were New Yorkers themselves - all of the FDNY guys were - and some of them had friends who died in the towers. The theory even says it was the commander of the FDNY itself who detonated one of the buildings, and therefore he was in on the decision to kill 343 of his own firefighters and 60 police officers.


For money. If that were you... how big would that check have to be? These are people he saw every day, worked with every day. He went to weddings, birthday parties, to baseball games with these guys. In the mind of the 9/11 conspiracy, he'd kill them all for a big enough pile of cash.

Would you?

There's more. We have hundreds, if not thousands, of reporters and writers who researched the collapse, including the nine reporters and dozens of experts for the huge Popular Mechanics article on the subject.



They were paid off, too. And paid enough to walk away from the story of a lifetime, a chance to blow the lid off the conspiracy. Paid enough to refuse a sure Pulitzer and a lifetime of fame and riches as one of history's greatest heroes. And paid in such a way that no other reporters would notice and get jealous or ask questions. These people do tend to be the curious type, you know.

We're getting a nice sized payroll here. Now let's add in the hundreds of people from a dozen different agencies and police departments who claim to have helped clean up flight 93 wreckage, including 300 volunteers. The conspiracy guys say there was no plane, therefore they were paid to lie, along with all of the witnesses in Pennsylvania who claim to have seen the plane go down.

But wait, there's more. Because there are hundreds of thousands of civil engineers and structural engineers in the world (people who are experts in what makes buildings fall down) and lots of demolitions experts. Approximately zero of them say the 9/11 attacks looked like bombed buildings. All of them either say outright that the demolition theory is asinine, or are silent in the face of what the Loose Changers say is video proof of mass murder so obvious even an uneducated jackass off the street can spot it.

The conspiracy guys' explanation?

You guessed it. They were paid to stay silent. Hey, why not? Probably half a million people there, but, you know. Since we've got the checkbook out anyway...

Also, think of all of the friends and family of these paid conspirators, who suddenly see all this mysterious wealth...


Artists' Rendering

...Wouldn't some rumors get started?

You've got some hypothetical professor who was about to write a paper proving the towers were demolished, suddenly coming into Powerball-sized wealth and abandoning the paper at the same time... his wife never let it slip? His kids didn't object? All his jealous colleagues who noticed the sudden new cars and new home and elaborate vacations, nobody asked questions? Nobody made an anonymous call to the IRS, just out of spite? All the bank employees who noticed thousands of mysterious deposits, all of which have to be reported to the IRS, that didn't leave a trail?

I mean, we're up to a sizeable portion of the US population here. Odds are you've passed some of these people on the street.

Today.

And keep in mind, this can't be chump change. Even in a world where every structural engineering desk jockey is okay with mass murder, they're still not going to risk jail and career ruin and walk away from a huge book deal for ten grand. Oh, no, it's got to be millions, per person, just to make it worth it. Even a dedicated conspirator would need to know he or she was set for life.

Let's say they wrote 500,000 checks (hell, you've got more than 120,000 people in the American Society of Civil Engineers alone, and they'd be the first ones to speak out). Say the average payout was ten million (barely enough to live rich the rest of your life, but let's just say). So that's 500,000 times ten million which is...

...Five TRILLION dollars.

That's about half of the value of all goods and services produced in the United States last year. Therefore the 9/11 conspiracy was, in terms of payroll, the single largest employer in the history of the world.


The board of directors of the 9/11 conspiracy
gather to await instructions (artists' rendering)

And here's the kicker...

100% of the people who were offered the deal, took it.

After all, we don't have a single person who has come running into the offices of the New York Times, waving a check and saying, "look! Here's a check for ten million smackers that the government gave me to be silent about 9/11! Can you believe these assholes? Now give me my book deal!"

Not one. Even with the lure of fame and fortune and a chance to go down in history as The Guy Who Saved American Democracy, even with the crushing guilt of seeing thousands of bodies hauled out of the rubble, even seeing the horrors of a nation turned inside out by war and paranoia that was completely manufactured as a gruesome hoax, some of these people having their own friends and families and colleagues die in the attacks, not one turned down the money... or took the money and came forward anyway.

And that, is the conspiracy mindset.

It's not a belief in corrupt leaders. Hell, we all believe in corrupt leaders. It's a belief in a corrupt everybody. It's driving around in a world where every single person you see out of your windshield is utterly bloodthirsty and amoral, all except for you and a few, brave friends. What could make you feel more important than that?


You can see the attraction right away. Most people, to feel special, have to actually do something special. But why not do what these guys do, and just make the rest of the world out to be wretched? Hell, once we've painted everyone else as mindless or murderous, all we have to do to feel superior to them is roll out of bed.

Remember what I said earlier about Dylan Avery and how it was probably just a desire for fame that drove him to do all this? Look at the parallel here. At the heart of all this is that basic human need to feel special somehow, twisted in the most warped and corrosive way imaginable.

In conclusion, the 9/11 Conspiracy Guys aren't evil and they aren't liars. They're merely filling a basic human need, using their imaginations and paranoia to elevate themselves to a level the real world will never elevate them to. Also, they're retarded.

The Verdict:

Liars? Retarded? They're probably both right. Just as the crooked televangelist steals from old widows who themselves have an honest faith in God, Dylan Avery and the Loose Change guys have made a nice name for themselves (and a nice profit) from a large group of true believers who have always lived at the fringes of society. These are the type who think the moon landing was a hoax, that Area 51 houses alien spacecraft.

And then you have the rank and file, the kids who watched the video and just plain didn't know any better because they didn't follow it up with any reading. They're not reading this, for instance.

No, they saw Loose Change and went charging into their favorite forum or chat room, screaming, "WATCH THIS BITCHWHORES LOOSE CHANGE IS GONNA CHANGE YOUR WORLD." By the time people started posting info that debunked it, it was kind of hard for them to back down without looking like an asshole. So, they stand by it.

So even if you strapped them down and forced them to read this, they'd just pick out one detail that they thought would give them reason to discredit the whole thing and dismiss it from their minds.

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After all, nobody likes feeling like an asshole. But if we keep getting the real information out there, with time, the conspiracy silliness will fade away.

I have faith in humanity.



-by David Wong

If you have watched Loose Change you should immediately watch the rebuttal video that goes pretty much sentence-by-sentence. If you'd like to read more about the 9/11 conspiracy movement, there's lots more at Debunking911.com and Screw Loose Change, whose research I stole for this article.

Another must-see is the Penn & Teller's Bullshit clip on the subject.



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179 Comments

@xanaphia

"You see, open fires can't melt steel, they don't get hot enough. There are dozens of cases of steel buildings catching fire for hours and not collapsing."

Tell me wouldn't a plane crashing into a building cause structrual instability since something very heavy smacked right into it? Also it wasn't just an ordinary fire you had jet fuel being splashed and burned.

That would be enough to weaken one section it's not the steel girders being melted it's them being weakened that causes a building to collapse.

Highway overpasses which have steel girders have collapsed when a fuel tanker burned on the overpass. The steel girders got melted by the fire and failed. Also when other substances are bunred they can make a fire burn much higher then the initial fire source would indicate.

Buildings have lots of plastics, ceramics and other subtances that while requiring an inital higher point to make flamable once done they burn a lot hotter then the fire that caused them to burn.

"Huge leaping flames from an exploding gasoline tanker melted the steel underbelly of a highway overpass in the East Bay's MacArthur Maze early this morning, causing it to collapse onto the roadway below and virtually ensuring major traffic problems for weeks to come.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/04/29/BAGVOPHQU46.DTL#ixzz0WC1E57Ud

11/7/2009 8:44:52 AM
idioteraser

@MOOSE WTC is the first Steel building to collapse due to fire. You see, open fires can't melt steel, they don't get hot enough. There are dozens of cases of steel buildings catching fire for hours and not collapsing. There are no other cases of steel buildings catching fire and collapsing.

10/30/2009 11:00:56 PM
xanaphia

what feeds all this is the fact that the govt. runs the worst investigations ever....
-the Warren Commission, I mean c'mon man, a bunch of guys who
didn't want to be there rushing thru an investigation whose conclusions
a number of them didn't agree with
- RFK they lost alot of the evidence, guy gets shot in back from the
front.... nothing to see here folks we got our man
- MLK , a man whose convicted assassin the King family supported

most of the time it's poor investigation and convict the first person
who looks like they might have done it.... even 911, they don't really
know the identities of the culprits as a good number of the 'named'
suspects have turned out to be alive, it appears they were victims of
identity theft..... so you get rushed investigations that end up with lots of
unanswered questions that are fodder for all sorts of speculation....

10/14/2009 6:05:15 PM
texmackenzie

jdavid's post is win!

10/2/2009 12:36:58 PM
Daniel_BMS

It amuses me that these 9/11 truthers spend all their time agonising over a conspiracy that probably didn't happen (9/11) and don't seem to have too much problem with (ahem): absolute, unequivocal evidence of criminal negligence leading to mass deaths, lying under oath, presenting false evidence with knowledge that it IS false to achieve a criminal end, and repeatedly breaking the Geneva Convention. Avery's ilk rage and scream about an inside job on Sept. 11. What an injustice. True injustice doesn't affect them, though. No 'Loose Change' on Hurricane Katrina! The criminal mishandling of that disaster by the Bush mob, a crime that only the blindest Republican dumbass would deny, a crime for which there is gigatonnes of clear-cut first-hand evidence...that doesn't matter! Torturing people, lying about torturing them, holding them without trial, wiretapping American civilians without warrants, covering up deliberate murder by army forces, faking hero stories, lying about exactly who carried out the 9/11 attacks, rigged elections, driving people to suicide (poor Dr Kelly), Karl Rove committing treason....all of that happened because of 9/11, but because it has no link to hologram planes and fake cellphone calls from aircraft, it's no big deal. Avery and his lot don't care about all that, because it can be proved. It's all about bombs in the towers, man, which can't be proved. Spike Lee and other people have documented real crimes by the people Avery indicts, but the silly Loose Change has been seen by far more people than Lee's epic on Katrina or any of John Pilger's painstaking, minutely verifiable reports of atrocities and murder committed by 'us'. God, human beings are stupid.

9/23/2009 3:58:23 AM
SenorHonkHonk

One detail missing from the part on the hijackers with their box cutters is that they also told the passengers they had a bomb. That's gonna make you think twice about charging them, even if they're only holding box cutters (or plastic spoons for that matter).

9/20/2009 9:35:31 PM
MagicalPJ

tburger: Being on fire for 7 hours tends to do the trick for most buildings.

9/10/2009 9:01:59 PM
Mooseablethenok

Has anyone done the following research? Checked out (especially in the North Tower)if all the big financial, government or insurance companies' top 3 guys (executives) were in the building or not on that day. If not a single one of them were there, I would start to wonder why? So far, I cannot find anyone who has done this or knows how to find out.

9/9/2009 2:34:09 PM
yesupak

great article...
I have a retarded, bipolar cousin who believes in every conspiracy theory out there. right now he is jizzin his pants over this whole "Nibiru" nonsense....
Please, from a loyal cracked reader and lover who supports and consumes all of your awesome advertisers products (even scientology!! Zenu bless you!!!), make a nibiru rebuttal, so I can use your jokes against my cousin.

9/6/2009 7:57:38 PM
GenKefka

What I want to know is........... This is an email I sent to Davis Avery...

Let me ask you if you were at ground zero moments after it happened? Did you see the victims jumping out of the windows of WTC1 or WTC2 and landing on the pavement? or the days after it happened? Did you see any of the bodies of the firemen or civilians that were carried out? Did you see the airplane engine sitting on Liberty St? Did you see the pieces of houman bodies raining down from above? Did you see any of this? I really dont think you did.

I f*****g hate your loser guts, disrepecting the men and woman who died there that day.

9/5/2009 12:21:13 AM
dartaud

chadachada, I'm fairly certain that

1. Seeing a stewardess get her throat slit would stun you to immobility for a little bit.
and 2. They said they had a bomb on board. When passengers on Flight 93 heard that these assholes were ramming planes into buildings, they realized these assholes had nothing but box cutters and a plan to use the plane as a wrecking ball, they decided to do something about it. But until that point, the passengers on all planes thought this was 'merely' a hijacking with a bomb. They didn't want that s**t detonated, obviously. So don't you dare call these people pussies, when they faced the most horrifying event of their lives leading up to their deaths, and when some of them fought back when they weren't sure if a bomb would be detonated or not. You f*****g disgust me.

Just like Dylan Avery does. Moon landing 'truthers' are bad, JFK conspiracy theorists are worse, but there's nobody as malevolent or as twisted as these fucktards. When someone showed me the video in eighth grade, and acted like it was plausible, I wanted to yell at her for being gullible and ignorant, but I realize that's what they all would say to me. Blaspheming the memory of 9/11, either for recognition or because your mind is so twisted you actually believe everything you say, sickens me. Hopefully these people will die out in time, so forty years from now we don't have to have people like Gerald Posner writing 1,000 page books to convince the next generation that Bush didn't orchestrate the attacks.

8/30/2009 7:45:34 AM
Reebee52

This information is all fair enough, but just out of curiousity, was there any explanation for WTC 7 collapsing the way it did?

Unless I missed something in the article(?) for I am at work.

8/24/2009 8:47:14 PM
ltburger

You know what I think was a real coverup? Yesterday. What bullshit. I know, I was there, yesterday, and it's not what They are saying it is! A friend of mine thinks the day before yesterday was faked too, but that's just f*****g crazy.

8/14/2009 8:48:44 PM
jpjmoffett

While I agree that the passengers of 3 of the flights must have been total f*****g pussies to submit to 4 or 5 men with BOX CUTTERS, it'd be pretty retarded to believe that this whole thing didn't happen. Seriously, f*****g box cutters.

8/8/2009 3:00:16 PM
chadachada123

There's something seriously f*****g wrong with that Dylan Avery kid. Also this kind of stuff just disgusts me. There's a line between wanting attention and being the world's biggest dick and proceeding to make you about as morally righteous as Hitler. That line is taunting a man who lost his son.

8/8/2009 1:36:38 PM
Flashpenny

Thank you for this article.
This 9/11 conspiracy theory enrages me when the others are just silly. Because the United States was victimized by this atrocity, it is beyond offensive to imply we did this to ourselves. It was clearly the worst day of President Bush's life. I'll never forget the look of terror in his eyes when he got the news. Nor can I forget him tearing up with sorrow just a couple days of sleepless nights later. These assholes are the moral equivalent of Holocaust Deniers.
My fear is that their twisted films will change history. We have lived to see how the average joe accepts JFK's assassination was carried out by a CIA conspiracy. We were attacked in the most viciously evil way possible. To change the facts purposely for his own glory makes Dylan Avery and his ilk even more evil. They are victimizing us over and over again with their disgusting fictional crap..
May he burn in Hell!

8/5/2009 12:04:30 PM
laursaurus

I watched the first edition of Loose Change and I remember them making some not-so-subtle remarks about gold that was stored in the basement of the WTC, which *mysteriously* went missing after the attacks.

So, their original theory was that our government was run by leprechauns.

Now, they stick to the idea that the U.S. gov't. organized the 9/11 attacks for an excuse to invade Iraq.

Even though the U.S. gov't. has always acknowledged that Iraq was not part of the terrorist attacks and this is the biggest criticism of the American people regarding the War in Iraq.

Sigh. Can't someone even make up a semi-convincing conspiracy theory?

8/3/2009 12:12:45 AM
dasher11

thank you, jdavid! the problem with conspiracy theories in general is they have an annoying habit of jumping to an answer using this kind of anti-logic. they've confused benefiting from an event with planning and causing the event. there seem to be plenty of other reasonable options (even ones where bush & co are total dicks) but they're often ignored in favor of two poles: either bush pressed the button himself or else the government is infallible and we're bravely going to war to make the world a safer place. both sides of the aisle look like idiots at this point by rabidly defending only the farthest opposite ends of crazy. wake up, the planet is complicated and thinking that a small group of dudes could pull this off with so many people and variables to contend with is naive at best.

8/2/2009 7:26:44 PM
Conformist138

Hey, MA Russel, how much of Zeitgeist can a fellow Canadian possibly believe? i mean, even I, a 16 year old, know that most of it was bullshit. Coincedences are inebidable, it's part of LIFE. If 9/11 wasa conspiracy, then the us would be in one of two things

1) They would be at war with the modern world, or
2) They would be in a second civil war.

This isn't likely, it's almost f*****g assured.

8/2/2009 1:55:43 PM
Spaziboi

wow. that was very serious for a cracked article, or an article from any source.

i have a new respect for cracked now

8/2/2009 11:04:23 AM
mrbob360

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