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5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

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We found out recently that if you try to leave a little kid in a graveyard late at night, he'll freak out. Even if you offer to leave him a gun to protect himself. Why? It's because on some instinctual level, all humans know it's just a matter of time until the zombies show up.

Our culture is full of tales of the undead walking the Earth, from our religions to our comic books. But, some sort of zombie apocalypse isn't actually possible, right?

Right?

Guys?

Actually, yes. It's quite possible. Here's five ways it could happen, according to science.

#5.
Brain Parasites

As seen in ...
Resident Evil IV

What are they?
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.

Of course, those are just rats, right?

How it can result in zombies:
Hey, did we mention that half the human population on Earth is infected with toxoplasmosa, and don't know it? Hey, maybe you're one of them. Flip a coin.

Oh, also, they've done studies and shown that the infected see a change in their personality and have a higher chance of going batshit insane.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:
Humans and rats aren't all that different; thats why they use them to test our drugs. All it takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa, one that could to do us what it does to the rats. So, imagine if half the world suddenly had no instinct for self-preservation or rational thought. Even less than they do now, we mean.

If you're comforting yourself with the thought that it may take forever for such a parasite to evolve, you're forgetting about all the biological weapons programs around the world, intentionally weaponizing such bugs. You've got to wonder if the lab workers don't carry out their work under the unwitting command of the toxoplasmosa gondii already in their brains. If you don't want to sleep at night, that is.

You may be protesting that technically these people have never been dead and thus don't fit the dictionary definition of "zombies," but we can assure you that the distinction won't matter a whole lot once these groaning hordes are clawing their way through your windows.


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You've just solved world hunger AND the population crisis!!!
The infected dudes and duddettes will go all zombie on us, but after they break into our bases after 28 months of holding them off with crowbars, they'll just lay down and expect us to eat them.
I'm sure we'll find someone willing to franchise this.

Posted on 1/3/2009 11:14:22 AM

Yes, the fire will stop them, but not straightaway. Zombies don't feel pain, they just keep on walking. If you throw molotov cocktails at them, until the things have been completly incinerated, you're gonna end up with a big mob of zombies attacking you, while on fire!
That's just making things worse for yourself...

Posted on 1/1/2009 4:54:40 PM

I would like to add one thought on to this: how would we stop these zombies?
We aren't even sure if shooting a zombie in the head would kill it (unless you know where the stem is and shoot at that)!
I say we all learn how to make molotov cocktails, because when a mob of zombies come to attack us, your gonna want a big fire to cook their brains.

Posted on 12/30/2008 6:05:41 PM

this would be the best way for the world to end. :]

Posted on 12/29/2008 10:35:37 PM

heh...if this does happen, which is lookin like it won't, i'm just gonna say f**k it and shoot myself...lol, save the zombies some work

Posted on 12/27/2008 10:57:28 PM

heh...if this does happen, which is lookin like it won't, i'm just gonna say f**k it and shoot myself...lol, save the zombies some work

Posted on 12/27/2008 10:57:21 PM

Why the f**k does science do this to us?

Posted on 12/21/2008 7:03:10 PM

I think that one day a worker or someone might just walk out with one of those rats or bugs and he will get bit then what the f**k are we going to do

Posted on 12/20/2008 4:14:00 PM

uhhh... yeah. taxoplasma gondii doesn't *take over* the brain, per se, it more like modifies (or more like destroys, apparently) the amygdala (emotion center) of the rat's brain. so it's not that the parasite *controls* the rat so much as simply makes the rat unable to differentiate between normally fear-inducing stimuli. so the rat acts of it's own accord, albeit a messed-up, dysfunctional accord.

Posted on 12/10/2008 2:06:31 PM

um... nanobots are sexyœ

Posted on 12/10/2008 11:57:24 AM

one time i touched a zombie and got raped real bad (masterbates)

Posted on 12/3/2008 11:39:00 AM

alicehuang002

I just found some of he photos on another rich woman seeking fun site****** W e a l t h y s o u l M a t e .C O M ********** , but my question is what he is doing with such a service.

Posted on 12/3/2008 5:22:46 AM

A zombie apocalypse is the coolest kind of apocalypse.

Posted on 11/29/2008 3:02:49 AM

A zombie apocalypse is the coolest kind of apocalypse.

Posted on 11/29/2008 3:02:49 AM

The real reason Nanobots are a bad idea:

"Are you my mummy?"

Posted on 11/28/2008 10:15:29 PM

This stuff is scary, I've been afraid of zombies ever since I went on that stupid ride at a carnival when I was six. :P I really like the way you guys describe everything, it's funny and for the most part accurate. I'm doing a "Zombie-Like Diseases" website in my website design class and I really appreciate the information you guys have put into my little mind. :] Toxoplasmosa Gondii sounds like a hell of a parasite, I'll be sure to avoid my cats now, haha.

Posted on 11/26/2008 4:58:05 AM

Whaddaya mean it COULD happen? Have you seen the election results? LOTS of brain-dead bastards in the USA ALREADY !!!!

Posted on 11/25/2008 3:23:39 PM

Mad Cow Disease? Epic Fail. I watched a show with a young girl with MCD. Should couldn't use the bathroom on her own, walk, or talk, let alone catch someone and then eat their brain.

Weaponized materials, I could totally buy...but what would be the gain of creating a zombie-making weapon, when they could just as easily make an airborne toxin that dies quickly outside of the host, and just makes them dead really fast? Sounds like the safer bet to me. They probably already have it sitting on a shelf somewhere.

Posted on 11/23/2008 7:41:30 PM

Sorry for debunking the #5 reason, but toxoplasmosa gondii can do to your brain is turn it to mush. It's one of the many things that AIDS can do to you.

Posted on 11/23/2008 3:49:27 PM

stupid. so your saying that this parasite, which spreads by infecting an animal lower on the food chain and "programming" it to be eaten by a predator is going to just "evolve" and infect humans? How will they spread then? Will they direct us to the nearest airport and have us all fly to the african wilderness to be eaten by lions? No, you're saying that for some reason they will just make the host go berserk and kill others of its kind, something completely against the nature of the parasite. fool.

Posted on 11/20/2008 7:33:53 PM

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