Register
Home > Movies & TV > Where Aren’t They Now?: 5 Post-Star Wars Careers Almost as Pathetic as Mark Hamill's

Where Aren’t They Now?: 5 Post-Star Wars Careers Almost as Pathetic as Mark Hamill's

By Michael Swaim October 17, 2007 1,191,505 views
article image

Mark "Luke Skywalker" Hamill is living proof that a man only has so much good fortune coming to him in a lifetime. Hamill used up all of his by 1983, and has spent every year since voicing cartoons and being accosted by Star Wars geeks on the street.

As we recognize the tragedy that has been Hamill's post-Star Wars life, we should also take time to remember the other greats who suffered the same fate. Here are five men who were integral to the Star Wars franchise but whose careers outside the trilogy were almost almost as sad as Hamill's:

Peter Cushing

The character:
Imperial Officer Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin

The actor:
Peter Cushing was so old-school, he actually appeared in a Laurel and Hardy movie (A Chump at Oxford). That was before George Lucas was even freaking born. Cushing was best known for his work in Hammer horror films, often opposite longtime friend Count Dooku—er, Christopher Lee. Cushing also played Dr. Who in two films and came very close to changing Star Wars history forever: he was originally considered for the role of Obi-Wan over Alec Guinness. Picture that.

Inestimable contribution to the films:
Tarkin was nothing less than the real badass of the first film. When Vader started air-choking a guy, it was Tarkin who told him to back it off and Vader did what he was told. Also, you thought it was scary when Anakin killed those kids in Episode III? Tarkin killed a whole planet's worth of them on Alderaan, and for even less reason.

Without Cushing's Tarkin next to him, Vader just looks silly with his mask and cape. Cushing's reptillian deathmask of a face made Tarkin look like a guy you could see on the news tonight, on trial for war crimes.

Most memorable line:
"You're far too trusting. Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But don't worry, we will deal with your rebel friends soon enough."

Best Youtube video featuring character:
Our vote goes to this bizarre still of Tarkin looking particularly skeletal while a deep-voiced Latino man narrates in Spanish about God know what. If you speak Spanish, feel free to post a full translation in the comments section, as we're actually quite curious about it.

Weirdest merchandise based on character:
This full-body Tarkin costume, complete with disturbing rubber death mask and a wig of what looks like steel wire.

Best excerpt from Wikipedia entry on character:
"In an incident that became known as the 'Ghorman Massacre,' Tarkin ordered his ship to land on a platform where a large group of protesters were protesting the Imperial taxation on the distant planet Ghorman. Hundreds of Imperial subjects were crushed by Tarkin's transport in the landing."

Best excerpt from Wikipedia entry on actor:
"In 1989 Cushing was made an Officer of the Order of the British Empire. He retired to Whitestable, where he had bought a seafront house in 1959, and continued his hobby of birdwatching."

Where is he now?
Dead. But, between Star Wars and dying, he managed to appear in various films as a major, commissioner, commander and colonel, forever typecasting him and earning him a military funeral. He was also in a movie called Biggles: Adventures in Time which is apparently about a time-traveling WWI fighter pilot named Bigglesworth. We're guessing he didn't get knighted for that one.

Mark Hamill Career Sadness Rating: 15 (out of 100)
Cushing didn’t have Hamill's high expectations, of course, because he wasn't the star. Also, he was knighted, though his knighting is one of those knightings (see Penelope Cruz) that could be seen more as a statement about how little it means to be knighted these days.

Still, he got to tell people he was a knight and when little kids heard that they probably thought it meant he had slayed a dragon. That is, until they caught him bird watching.

Recommended for Your Pleasure

1537 Comments

Peter Cushing? Really? He may not have done a whole bunch of stuff after Star Wars, but he did have a film career spanning 30 years prior to that, still has a cult following for his roles in Hammer and Dr Who films, and he was already in his 60s when Episode IV was filmed. O_o

10/20/2009 7:08:42 PM
P-75

Mark Hamill's career got a sudden ray of light. He now voices Jean Pierre, the 'sewn-back-together-wrong' chef, and the mysterious leader of the Tribunal in Metalocalypse, the best show ever to grace the airwaves. That alone shadows his role of the whiny b***h that was Luke Skywalker.

9/27/2009 7:48:21 PM
Kholdstaer

Mark Hamill voiced the m***********g Joker in Batman: The Animated Series. That puts him as one of the most awesome people to ever live; especially considering he has THE iconic Joker laugh.

9/20/2009 8:43:23 PM
nodnarb232001

MonkBiz: That was a retcon done after years of Fett fans griping that their gloriously awesome character with 20 min total screen time got a slapstick p***y's death. The original intent was for him to die, as evidenced by the meaty Sarlaac burp.

9/16/2009 12:28:06 PM
danieltron

Peter Cushing wasn't a knight, damn it. He was OBE (Officer of Order of the British Empire), the 2nd lowest of 5 ranks in that Order. Knights are KBE (Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire) and GBE (Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the British Empire), where GBE is the highest honour in the order, followed by KBE.

8/23/2009 12:13:21 AM
VillanovaDandy

David Prowse also appeased in "A Clockwork Orange". I dunno, "Star Wars" and "A Clockwork Orange"? It doesn't get any cooler than that.

3/12/2009 12:50:00 PM
Brendan4000

A model is looking for a good man. Please reach me as cadicecc at======== C l a s s y M i n g l e . COM ==== . Please
don't disturb me if you are not serious.

2/25/2009 8:09:17 PM
candicc

I know I'm going to sound like a geek but who here isn't a geek. It's probably already been said but I have an amendment to make for the Boba Fett page. The article incorrectly states that Boba Fett was killed by being pushed off the barge and into the Sarlaac pit. While true that he was pushed into the Sarlaac pit he was not killed by this. In fact Boba Fett in all of his glorious awesomeness killed the Sarlaac from the inside and escaped.

2/24/2009 2:09:37 PM
MonkBiz85

Wedge's most memorable line is easily: "Look at the size of that thing!"

1/12/2009 8:25:41 AM
Keeper_of_Faith

You can't put Peter Cushing on this list! He had a GREAT career! This guy played Sherlock Holmes, Abraham Van Helsing and Victor Frankenstein. Who else can say that? As an encore he made one of most popular and influential movies of all time. Give me a break. Otherwise, hilarious article, as usual.

1/8/2009 12:00:37 PM
BeirutWedding

page 2, that's not a wookie costume, that is an Ewok!!!

1/7/2009 5:25:21 PM
RabbitSphere

...Yeah, what thatother1dude said!

1/5/2009 8:09:36 AM
trilliongrams

Mark Hamill became a voice actor because he knew he'd be overassociated with Luke Skywalker and he got a scar. He's a highly respected voice actor who's repetoire includes one of the best versions of the Joker and the villain in the dub of a Miyazaki film. Unless you're one of those people that considers voice acting an inheritely crappy career he's pretty much done better than everyone in the original trilogy but Harrison Ford.

1/4/2009 10:25:19 PM
thatother1dude

So I wonder what my Mark Hamill rating would be considering I've paid for autographs from Prowse and Mayhew from this list, as well as Anthony Daniels and Ray Park. Technically, they were for my son, but I did pay for them...ah, DragonCon, what a geek you make of us all.

I also don't need Peter Mayhew to wear a special shirt to recognize him. Yea, I'm a geek.

1/4/2009 7:02:29 PM
scarfyrre

If you want to see pathetic star wars actors, watch justin lee collins TV show where he tries to re-unite the cast, the ones who show up are pretty much all on this list.
Carrie Fisher ALMOST went but thought better of it

1/4/2009 10:04:19 AM
-Scorpio

wow. i had never heard david prowse's speaking voice before, but it appears eddie izzard was pretty much dead on when he was talking about vader with a welsh accent, meaning his imitation is pretty much spot on, that is. would have been truly hiliarious.

1/3/2009 5:25:19 PM
grimmlock

Oh, wow, never mind. Reading technology 0%!

1/3/2009 7:55:19 AM
cadbury_egg

Oh I *know* you didn't just say that about Hornblower.

1/3/2009 7:54:51 AM
cadbury_egg

Hamill's post Star Wars career wasn't that bad. After all he played Colonel Christopher Blair in the Wing Commander Video games along side of Biff from Back to the Future and the dude from Clockwork Orange

1/1/2009 11:30:23 PM
ojuice3112

I wouldnt say Lawson's career is even nearly as pathetic as Mark Hamills...he was in Hornblower after all! :P ( No it aint no porno!)

12/31/2008 5:07:19 PM
ScotsGard

More on Movies & TV

Cracked stuff on
Recent Videos

Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.