CRACKED Profiles: Christina Pazsitzky

NAME

Christina Pazsitzky

CURRENT BASE OF OPERATIONS

Los Angeles

BUT I'M ORIGINALLY FROM

The San Fernando Valley

YOU KNOW ME FROM

MTV' Road Rules: Australia and the FX show Hitchhiker Chronicles, a hidden camera show where I picked up and interviewed actual, live hitchhikers. Which, for the most part was really fun"

"until I had to choke one of them! Here' what happened: Creepy stinky hitchhiker sits in my car and says, "You were on Road Rules. I've jerked off to you a million times." Then he lunges at me to kiss me. I choke him. The producers drag him out of my car. What I don't get is how he' too broke to own a car, yet can afford cable? Where the hell did he watch Road Rules? In a homeless shelter? And what the fuck is the homeless shelter doing with cable TV? I can't even afford cable TV.

Also look for me in the upcoming Jackass movie and TV the Movie, voicing a slutty cartoon stripper.

MY FIRST TIME ON STAGE

June 2001, at the Comedy Store in LA. That day, I spent six minutes on stage and about five hours in the bathroom. I rushed through my crappy material just trying not to forget the jokes I'd over-rehearsed. I remember thinking, "How long will I feel this incompetent at stand up?" The correct answer: three years.

BEST GIG I EVER HAD

I consider the worst gigs to be the best ones. If you can do well in really awful conditions, that' your best gig. Mine was in a dive bar in Lomita, CA. A woman sitting at the bar was punched in the face by a huge Samoan man. Blood was spurting out of her nose right as I was called on stage. It was awful. Dealing with the bloody-faced woman, calming people down, then eventually getting them to laugh was a huge victory. And yes, I got an escort to my car.

CROWD I'M MOST LIKELY TO BOMB IN FRONT OF

Children. They're just not that bright.


CITY OR STATE THAT I'D MOST LIKE TO SEE WIPED OFF THE MAP

I've always had contempt for Beverly Hills. Hopefully Andrew Lloyd Weber is skipping down Rodeo Drive when the wiping happens.

CURRENT CELEBRITY MASTURBATION FODDER

Anthony Bourdain, John Goodman, Luke Wilson and Benicio Del Toro.

FOOD THAT TASTES THE WORST WHEN IT'S PUKED BACK UP

Um, all of it"?

PERSONAL DREAM PROJECT

Wes Anderson writes and directs something where I play a Kung Fu spy who assassinates bad guys, like Uma Thurman' character in Kill Bill. It' a murder comedy and all my friends get a part in the movie. Or a sketch show with all my dopey comedian friends doing stuff we think is really funny.


IF I WASN'T DOING COMEDY, I'D BE

A lawyer. Like my mom always wanted.


FINE, I'LL ADMIT IT

I think fat guys are hot. Not even joking.

A lot more on Christina can be found at http://www.theunphilosopher.com-|-theunphilosopher.com -- including nude photos! And you'd be crazy not to be her friend on http://www.myspace.com/christinacomedy-|-http://www.myspace.com/christinacomedy.

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