| Featured |
CRACKED Profiles: Christina Pazsitzky
Christina Pazsitzky
Los Angeles
The San Fernando Valley
MTV' Road Rules: Australia and the FX show Hitchhiker Chronicles, a hidden camera show where I picked up and interviewed actual, live hitchhikers. Which, for the most part was really fun"¦ "¦until I had to choke one of them! Here' what happened: Creepy stinky hitchhiker sits in my car and says, "You were on Road Rules. I've jerked off to you a million times." Then he lunges at me to kiss me. I choke him. The producers drag him out of my car. What I don't get is how he' too broke to own a car, yet can afford cable? Where the hell did he watch Road Rules? In a homeless shelter? And what the fuck is the homeless shelter doing with cable TV? I can't even afford cable TV. Also look for me in the upcoming Jackass movie and TV the Movie, voicing a slutty cartoon stripper. 
June 2001, at the Comedy Store in LA. That day, I spent six minutes on stage and about five hours in the bathroom. I rushed through my crappy material just trying not to forget the jokes I'd over-rehearsed. I remember thinking, "How long will I feel this incompetent at stand up?" The correct answer: three years.
I consider the worst gigs to be the best ones. If you can do well in really awful conditions, that' your best gig. Mine was in a dive bar in Lomita, CA. A woman sitting at the bar was punched in the face by a huge Samoan man. Blood was spurting out of her nose right as I was called on stage. It was awful. Dealing with the bloody-faced woman, calming people down, then eventually getting them to laugh was a huge victory. And yes, I got an escort to my car.
Children. They're just not that bright.
I've always had contempt for Beverly Hills. Hopefully Andrew Lloyd Weber is skipping down Rodeo Drive when the wiping happens.
Anthony Bourdain, John Goodman, Luke Wilson and Benicio Del Toro.
Um, all of it"¦?
Wes Anderson writes and directs something where I play a Kung Fu spy who assassinates bad guys, like Uma Thurman' character in Kill Bill. It' a murder comedy and all my friends get a part in the movie. Or a sketch show with all my dopey comedian friends doing stuff we think is really funny.
A lawyer. Like my mom always wanted.
I think fat guys are hot. Not even joking. A lot more on Christina can be found at http://www.theunphilosopher.com-|-theunphilosopher.com -- including nude photos! And you'd be crazy not to be her friend on http://www.myspace.com/christinacomedy-|-http://www.myspace.com/christinacomedy. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
More Tech
-
The Worst Day Ever (As Seen Through An Email Inbox)
-
5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen
After reading this, you might want to board up your windows and load up your shotgun.
-
The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey
Gamers are a vengeful god.
-
5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do
According to the movies, your computer possesses near-magic powers.
Popular stuff
-
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
Apparently, science likes sex as much as Cracked.
-
The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For
Lobster rights? Good one!
-
The 10 Worst Places to Get Caught Having Sex
We know because people tried.
-
The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Old School PSAs
Pot makes you a bloodthirsty homosexual pervert.
Posted: 11/18/2008 9:45:11 AM
Post Subject: How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your Bidding
If you're like most Cracked readers, you have a deep and fierce loathing of everyone around you, and constantly simmer in a stew of sweat and rage at your inability to shape the world to your ...
CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end)Well, six people won the HBN Contest, and they each get a scanned version of a Patrick Semple or ...
On Inauguration Day White People Can Finally Be CoolI cannot stress how important these next four years are going to be. Ladies and Gentl ...
- Home
- Submissions
- Contact Us
- Newsletter
- Cracked Store
- Advertise
- Terms & Conditions
- Link to Cracked
- Privacy Policy
- Site Map
Copyright © 2005 - 2007 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
![](”http://vs.dmtracker.com/images/zig.gif?Log=1")