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The 5 Most Ineffective Anti-Drug PSAs of All Time

By CRACKED Staff, Ethan Ryan September 18, 2006 184,185 views
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Ah, drugs: the heady highs, the crippling lows, the preachy anti-drug commercials that exist somewhere in between. Together with Cops, anti-drug ads taught us the valuable lesson that drug addiction, if serious enough, will get you on national TV. And as Fear Factor has proven, the generation of men and women who grew up in the '80s will eat a horse's penis to get on TV, so drug addiction doesn't sound like such a bad option, now does it? Here are five classic anti-drug ads, our analysis of what they set out to do and the unintended consequences they actually had.

5) Poultry Insults Hurt

This commercial follows the basic rule of threes: its 30 seconds long, there are three joints in the dealer' hand and the little kid looks like he's 3 feet tall. Yes, the cut to the classroom full of children is distracting and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles come across as total pussies, but its all worth enduring just to see the tiny dude' ridiculously corny putdown, which somehow crushes the marijuana enthusiast' feelings.

Unintended Consequence: First of all, was this really an at-risk demographic? The suburban, 6-year-old, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-viewing audience was really teetering on the brink of drug addiction prior to this ad? In addition to introducing 6-year-olds to the concept of marijuana, the ad teaches them that kids in the know call it "pot," that abstaining from "pot" will make you extremely short while dealing drugs will make you look like the cool/dangerous older brother from Home Improvement. The one positive affect the ad has is that once the kids the ad is aimed at finally do start smoking pot, it makes for some hilarious late night viewing.

4) Your Brain on Drugs

Probably the most famous of all anti-drug PSAs, this ad has a tone of gruff condescension that always felt a little unearned. After making what is at best a muddled metaphor, the voiceover guy says "any questions" in a way that implies that if you do have questions, he's going to punch you in the mouth. Well, actually, since you're asking, we do have a question: What the fuck do you have against fried eggs, man? I mean, they're certainly better than the salmonella-laced raw eggs that our brain presumably was before we fried it in the delicious sizzling butter (read: drugs).

Unintended Consequence: Thinking about this ad while stoned actually clued us in to the vast PSA conspiracy against America's Chicken Farmers. Think about it, there are PSAs for all sorts of cattle byproducts: milk, cheese, beef. Those "Pork: The Other White Meat" spots play like campaign ads in some sort of meat-election that pork is running in against chicken. In fact, the only time chickens or chicken byproducts are overtly mentioned in a PSA, its either as an insult from a hulking drug dealer, or as a metaphor for junky brains like in this one.

3) Anti-drug Canadian rap

As Snow proved with his breakout 1993 hit "Informer," even if they're talking about drugs, Canadians should never rap. Apparently, whoever is spitting hot fire about brain blisters and trouble with the law in this commercial didn't get the memo. This ad-an odd mixture of those Barney music videos and an acid freak out-is based on the premise that kids might get confused between the sorts of drugs that are prescribed by doctors and the kind that you get on the street. Which brings us to an important question: are there Canadian drug dealers out there posing as doctors to get little kids to try drugs? Because if so, we've heard of some hardcore shit in Jay-Z songs, but apparently our drug dealers don't have shit on their Canadian brethren.

Unintended Consequence: To tell you the truth, we never saw this ad growing up, but if we had it would have made us want to move to Canada. With the American anti-drug ads all you get is death, pregnancy and gay turtles. In Canada, you get some cool dude talking jive about how there might be trouble with the law, but right after he says it the kids are partying up with mustachioed cops and smiling parents. The chorus says it all: "drugs, drugs, drugs!" We're pretty sure they took that from a Doors song.

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56 Comments

wow now ill be looking at the pools with a careful eye

6/3/2009 5:27:24 PM
alabama2561990

That chorus is stuck in my head now.

"Drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Ask your Mom or ask your Dad!"

"Hey Mom, got any drugs? Can I have some?"

4/3/2009 12:49:57 PM
pedoluv

Ha ha, only american pussies use the term "racially charged".

2/19/2009 3:55:33 AM
djlazar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPAyECt61fY

This racially charged anti-cannabis ad comes from Estonia. Surprisingly it wasn't produced by the Hitlerjugend - it's barely a year old or so.

1/29/2009 2:54:37 AM
tuhokas

The Kids In The First One Kinda Remind Me Of Fred Savage and Jason Hervey from"The Wonder Years"!!
In The second One,Whenever They Said"Any Questions?",I Always Want To Say"Yeah,How About Some Biscuits and Hash Browns and Some Bacon??"
Better Yet,Why Not Have a Good Ol'#2 Tex Mex Breakfast With Refried Beans;Flour Tortillas;Chorizo and Picante Sauce Instead??

1/27/2009 6:10:37 PM
TheEnemyBelow

I grew up with the Canadian one, though admittedly, being kids, we gave it very different lyrics.

1/23/2009 3:40:26 AM
Atlatl

strange, considering the turtles were probably dreamt up while high

12/2/2008 8:42:43 PM
PalinIsNotAMILF

i'm a canadian and that drugs song was AWESOME growing up. we who grew up in the 80s still sing it...

11/15/2008 8:14:49 AM
zorburt

agentcooper: um, I'm kind of confused about the 'animated raccoons'. I seem to recall furry blue monster muppets.

11/15/2008 4:55:32 AM
YellowPages

What made the Cnd "Drugs" PSA even better was the late-night airings. First time we saw it was late at night, and we wondered who the commercial was really for.

11/15/2008 4:25:11 AM
YellowPages

Oh man, you just brought back my Canadian childhood with that Drugs, Drugs, Drugs PSA. Notice how we don't make our cops look badass? That's probably because they're not really. You should check out "Don't Ya Put it in Your Mouth", it's classic, it's even got animated raccoons.

11/14/2008 12:01:19 PM
agentcooper

Britney's latest single KILL THE LIGHTS!

Paula Abdul's crazy stalker on American Idol

Rihanna pukes on stage with Chris Brown!

www.TOKILLFOR.com

11/13/2008 10:01:33 PM
dalekiloveyou

The 'drugs-drugs-drugs' rap is one of the few things a lot of Canadians still remember and laugh about. You're a kid and there's ads for Rwandan aid and suddenly we've got 'DRUGS! PARTYYY!'

Plus, it's pretty hard to get in trouble over smoking weed up here anyways. ;)

11/13/2008 9:58:53 PM
phyxion

"Especially when we were stoned." LMAO!!

11/13/2008 1:27:24 PM
Shadow6667

kinda makes me want some eggs.

11/13/2008 11:48:14 AM
mr_plow

Ah, Canadian PSAs. There was always an academic public health aspect to 'em. The second point of "Drugs, Drugs, Drugs" was to remind kids that some drugs, like the ones that mother gives you, are useful (apologies to Grace Slick). You just know that at the Steering Committee meeting behind the anti-drug campaign somebody stood up and asked, "Yeah, but if you tell kids that 'drugs' are bad, how's that gonna impact our measles-mumps-rubella vaccination program? Better toss a doctor and a few existential profundities about the moral ambiguity of pharmaceuticals in there."

11/12/2008 1:17:42 PM
Brownian

you could get sick.. real sick real ICK. DONTCHA PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.

11/12/2008 9:37:04 AM
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11/3/2008 10:33:47 AM
paul307

I'm sorry, as bad as the "Drugs, Drugs, Drugs" rap was growing up, NOTHING tops "Doncha Put It in Your Mouth" (sung by two creepy blue furry Muppet-like things) for sheer dementia in a Canadian PSA.

11/2/2008 4:51:20 PM
Deekay723

I grew up with the Canadian PSA's
Always hearing an upbeat tune and "drugs, drugs, drugs" never deterred me from trying anything. Also all those children seemed so happy.

9/29/2008 10:54:36 AM
JadeDruid

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