Whether you're plugging your stupid blog or your case for invading Syria, Twitter has become the go-to vehicle for self-promotion. Unfortunately, a lot of the people doing the promoting are clueless about their readership, good taste, and self-awareness, thereby creating a triple threat of social media dumbness.
twitter.com/GolfChannel
Quick, think of the most important thing you associate with Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech. If you said anything else besides golf, congratulations. Good job on not gratuitously using the 20th century's most important civil rights speech to promote the historically whitest game in the history of sport, other than hockey.
Not so fast patting yourself on the back, Golf Channel. On the 50th anniversary of MLK's famous speech, the Golf Channel seized the moment by asking fans to tweet their golf dreams with the hashtag "DreamDay." It took less than an hour before they realized they'd made a huge mistake and deleted their fuckskullery. But in their defense, how could they have known it'd be an issue? It's not like golf has ever had a problem admitting black people on their most respected courses or anything. ( Oh, right.)
Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
"Just wait until you see our Women's History Month tweets leading up to the Masters."
Well, at least the Golf Channel wasn't alone in their gaffe. The Internet-influence-measuring website Klout pulled a similar PR whoopsie after agreeing with a random Twitter user's observation that the assassinated civil rights leader would've been the shit at totally pointless online popularity contests.
twitter.com/klout
More people would've been offended if anyone even knew what Klout did.
twitter.com/ladygaga
Look, once someone has worn clothes made out of raw meat, it's over in terms of how far they'll go to get your eyes on them. They'll screw your pet bunny if it means you'll look in their direction for five minutes. That's a fact.
So when Lady Gaga used her Twitter account to promote her new album, no one blinked an eye. That's what you're supposed to do. When millionaire Lady Gaga used her Twitter account to straight up BEG fans to buy multiple copies of her single so she could climb the Billboard charts, even the jaded among us did a double take. In an attempt to best Katy Perry's "Roar," Ms. Germanotta resorted to offering incentives to her fans if they purchased her single, "Applause." In exchange for buying her song, fans got a chance of going to her show and meeting her.
twitter.com/ladygaga
"And I'll even turn one special winner into a new costume for the night!"
We know what you're thinking: What could be better than just spending a dollar and maybe getting something kinda cool out of it? Well, she's way ahead of you: Increase your chances by purchasing multiple copies, like three-freakin'-hundred times. In the end, some people spent more on extra chances to go than if they had just gone to the freakin' concert.
And because this is serious business, she asked fans to post pictures of receipts, because otherwise the entry won't count and this whole endeavor would seem kinda bullshit.
The world of international giant burrito chains was briefly rocked last month with scandal. And no, we're not talking about the time they got some of the pinto beans into the black beans. That pales in comparison to when some lowlife hacked into the Twitter account of Chipotle Mexican Grill, posting a whole slew of inflammatory vitriol, to the horror of the company's 240,000-plus followers.
twitter.com/ChipotleTweets
"It looks like the hackers were a highly trained group of grandparents."
It turns out it was all a publicity stunt to ... we guess to encourage business, because as we all know, the hacker's natural predator is a boost to sales numbers. Director of communications for the company Chris Arnold later fessed up that it wasn't a real hack and they were just following the hilarious trend of companies actually being hacked. "We wrote them in a way that was nonsensical, that allowed us to have some fun."
twitter.com/ChipotleTweets
Pictured: "fun."
Richie Ryan occasionally works the wood real good. See his things. You can also follow him on Twitter.
Richie Ryan
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