Ever read one of those "Ready To Feel Old" galleries? Shut up, of course you have. This is the internet. The ones that have a picture of that baby from Nirvana's first album all grown up or let you know how long ago Crystal Pepsi gave us nightmares? Or one of our favorites around here, which is that sharks are older than trees—has to make the sharks feel like crumbling into dust, those poor beautiful bastards. 

The thing about these pairings is they're inherently ridiculous: time passes. If you graduate high school, eventually you're be out of high school for longer than you were in high school. If you get married, eventually you will be married for longer than you haven't been married. But that doesn't mean these lists aren't mind-blowing. 

Well, we're getting the jump on shit like that. Start hoarding now, because soon you'll have to say goodbye to things like ...

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