If there's one thing we learned from writing about holiday gift guides, it's that different people have different ideas about what makes the perfect Christmas present. For some, it might be a shiny new smartphone. For others, it might be a luxury wool scarf from some fancy brand. But for us, nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a vintage toy that absolutely ruined our holiday season. In this post, we will be sharing some of my most memorable experiences with these toys.

Is there anything more frustrating than expecting one thing and getting something totally different? That's how we felt as kids when Christmas would roll around, and we'd find out that my parents had bought us one of those vintage toys that were all the rage at the time. Sometimes they were cool, but most of the time, they just sucked. Here are 5 examples of vintage toys that absolutely ruined Christmas for children.

Imagine being nice for a year and then discovering these nightmares under the tree. Santa can really be sick and twisted…

POKE-A-BONE PoKEABONE WMO CAN YOU DO IT? Try'n catch ALL THE BONES sTOC FMAM S1ILL GAIVEI The FCC fined Howard Stern for less than this.

PINKY LEE MEDICINE CHEST SERR R IVORY Pinky Lee ToY medicine GCRACKEDCO CRACKEDCO HABSYO TOY THE GOOD Learn Pinky Lee's secret shames, then refill all

PAT BOONE CUT-OUTS Pat Boone CUT CRACKED GOM E OUS Ever wonder what Pat would look like in go-go boots and a push-up bra? Here's your chance.

MY PUPPY PUDDLES ROMBER My PuPPY ROOM. PUDLES Squeeze PUDDLES' collor & make him drink his woter. Sit him on his training trou. My Puppu PUDDLES only

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LUSCIOUS LIMBS Luscious Limbs ICAT LUNCH LMNIS CRACKED.COM Ever wanted to gnaw off your own foot? Now you can!

LAVERNE & SHIRLEY SECRETARY SET 79- T Laverne E Shirley setretory seF CFN CRACKED.COM UEEEE SoT AA Laverne and Shirley worked at a brewery, which woul

KRIMSON TERROR ODERG CRACKED KRIMISON TORHOR PLse MONSTER CORSTRUCTION leiutine The make-your-own monster with the three-handed crotch.

JACKIE GLEASON BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT Boy m-m-m, toy! what a Jackie Gleason BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT CRACKED.COM Make change! Switch lanes without warning! Pu

HULK UTILITY BELT RREMICO HULK THE INCREDIBLE UTILITY BELT HULK. TR ep CRACKED COR WRIST GAUNTLETS. NNOOULATOR UTUTY GAMILA RADLATIONT DETECTOR - HULX

FUN WITH STICKS FUN with AGES 8to$4 craftsh whiting. STICKS 2 EXCITING PROJECTS A prolectsf to wonderful Here are picnic dog house. and littie cute ma

WIND-UP FLOOR BUFFER GEE WHIZ, IT WORKS! Wind-up bbor Buffer Worids Senellet Winct ana Running Appliance pOlishees soIr oround Swto turrs Authentio de

FIST FACES YOUR FIST BECOMES A REAL FACE MOVES WIGGLES N TWITCHES CONTAINS: 1WIG-1KERCHIEF-4FACES FiSt Faces FUNNY FACE tOY 4 FACES WIG KERCHIEF MOUTH

DENNIS THE MENACE DENTIST KIT Ipana Pennis the enace Hypodermic needle? Check. Forceps? Check. Nightmares? Check.

CHEST WIG THE SELFADHESIVE FORTHATMACHO took CHEST WIG CRACKED.COM IN MADE ENGLAND Stick that thatch anywhere you want to jumpstart puberty.

BUTCHER PLAYSET The trouble started when Jeffrey asked if we could pretend to disembowl a hog.

BUILD-A-HOME & SUBDIVION SET Mosers GIRDER & PANEL BUILD A HOME & SUBDIVISION SET DESIGN and BUILD GREAT VARIETY of DIFFERENT a BEAUTIFUL HOMES Constr

ATOMIC ENERGY LAB CIET pHyi ENERGY Ls ATOMIC Elany Sap! OILRT ALL SEHSCE CRACKED.COM E GILBERT Clouo Did the Atomic Energy Lab come with actual uraniu

WAYNE FOUNDATION BATMAN'S WAYNE OVER 40 INCHES TALL NCLDES ONLY FOUNDATION STORY BULDNG WITH PENTHOUSE BAT ELEVATOR TRorY CASE CCUPUITFI CONDOLE WT CH

SINKING OF THE TITANIC GAME The sinking of the TITANIC game The game you play as the ship goes down... then face the peril of the open sea! The sound

SIXFINGER SIXFINGE THE MOST AMAZING TOY EVER IT LOOKS DOES LIKE A A FINGER IT ALL BUT THIS: LSROTS CAR BOMB 2 2 COS It looks like a finger? Sure, if f

POPEYE METAL TAPPING SET METAL TAPPING POPEYE SET ARF! ARF! UIM COMPLETE wink o ORACKEDcO A foc .DECORATIVEERAMES BOYS A GILS TAPPIG TOOLS A 4to 8 INS

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