These days, reading the news is like stumbling upon a siren: Sure, its words sound sweet and the naked bits look great, but the price you pay is your grizzly demise. Or something like that.

Anyway ... luckily for you, our readers have taken this week's popular headlines and stripped them of all the bullshit so you can get the news AND look at sexy gabbles on the Internet without dying.

Think Today Was Crazy?

Wait 'til you hear about the moments in history you missed! Get a new story sent directly to your inbox every day! No ads, no videos, just your daily shot of Cracked. Sign up now!

Forgot Password?