First she had to prove that she had "perfect penmanship," which somehow did not include cursive, because "we got complaints that their children couldn't read cursive anymore." If only our third-grade English teacher, Mrs. Murray, could read this. We told you cursive was BS, you old bag.
Writing fake letters from Santa is a heartwarming gig for a decent person, but it's also a ... something-else-warming gig for a creepy pedophile. "Recently, they've started doing FBI background checks. Even if we review every letter and we don't mail it directly to them, we get their envelopes and we'll have their return addresses." And that's because "We've nearly hired a child molester once, who I was told gave a great interview, but then the background check revealed that. You can't have a person like that talking to children through a fake name, even in a niche business like ours." Much less a fake name that comes with lap-sitting powers.