Obviously, the antidote Rachel sought would not be found in a pill. That's when she started to suspect the answer may have been under her nose all along. No, lower. Lower. Looooowerrrrr ...
The Less Conventional Cures Are Bizarre And Untested
Remember all that talk about the vagus nerve earlier? Rachel explains with a much better analogy than we could come up with: "A nerve is essentially a long wire. Electricity comes in one end when you flick the light switch and flows out to power a light. The light goes off when the electricity stops. Sometimes, a flickering light is because of a problem in the switch (the brain), the wire (the nerve), or the light itself (the diaphragm). The psych meds work by fixing the problem at the switch, and the muscle relaxants work by fixing the problem at the light. But what if the problem is in the wire? That's why so many 'cures' focus on swallowing -- drinking water fast, eating a teaspoon of sugar, and gargling saltwater all trick the nerve into 'resetting' itself."
We suggest an enormous piece of cake. Probably won't work, but you'll feel generally better about things.
An increasingly desperate Rachel tried all of that and more. Nothing worked. But the vagus nerve also has a dirty side.
"The vagus nerve controls more than the diaphragm -- it runs from the mouth all the way down to your ass," Rachel explains. That means, if you've run out of things to swallow, "a digital rectal massage [aka fingering your ass] can also reset the nerve. Another weird cure is an orgasm."
Ideally without any of the dudes from back in entry three.
You have our full permission to explain away your browser history by insisting that you had the hiccups, but sadly, neither of those remedies worked for Rachel. But there may be hope yet: "On the surgical side, implanting a vagus nerve stimulator has been tried, and it was successful."
As well as treating pretty much any damn thing you can think of.
So all she's gotta do is walk into a hospital and ask for one surgery, please. What's holding her back? Fear that her OKCupid hit rate will fall? "The surgery's experimental, so insurance won't cover it," she explains. There's also the added complication that "none of my doctors really know anything about it." So now she has to wait on the FDA's famously speedy approval process, find a pot of gold, and then hope that her surgeon's good at "wingin' it."
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