"Oh my god, I finally saw Hamilton, and let me tell you, totally worth the wait!"
One trainer I know sends his clients to a doctor at an anti-aging clinic, advising them to claim that they're suffering from low testosterone. The doctor then runs a series of tests which magically confirm this, and the client, whose only real symptom is a lack of swoleness, skips away with a legal prescription for testosterone. You can even get your insurance to pay for shrinking your testicles.
In The End, The Gym Is Selling An Impossible Fantasy
Cracked has told you over and over that the number of people who lose a large amount of weight and keep it off is statistically zero. Now, I have worked with people who've transformed their bodies in phenomenal ways, so I'm not going to say it's impossible to lose weight, but it is much harder than most people think. A large part of that is because the fitness routines we prescribe you are unsustainable, and we know this. Most people will get through the first few days of a training routine just fine, and we'll tell them it will get easier, but in reality, it gets harder. If it starts to get easier, you'll stop seeing results. And anytime you take on a new project, whether it's starting a fitness routine or a custom dildo business, it steals from something else in your life.
Eva K./Wiki Commons
"In the end, it was my free time with my kids that I was really giving the shaft to."
I try not to set unrealistic expectations: During my first meeting with a client, I extract as much info as possible on the person's lifestyle, mindset, goals, and exercise history, then try drafting a plan they can actually follow. But if gyms everywhere told clients the truth -- that there is no finish line; you can never say, "OK, now I have a six-pack, so I'm finished with my body and now I can focus all of my time on video games"; that maintaining that six-pack is now your part-time job for the rest of your life; and the older you get, the more work it will take -- a billion-dollar industry would disappear overnight. Forget rising health-insurance premiums -- that's how fat would cripple the economy.
Ryan George hosts The GymWits podcast and has a new book out, Freeweight Training Anatomy. Follow Ryan Menezes on Twitter for stuff cut from this article and other things no one should see.
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