5

It Can Get Scary, Especially When You're All Tied Up

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4

The Truly Dangerous Clients Are The Ones Who Have No Idea What They're Doing

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Veteran BDSMers know that you can't jump in, flails flailing. There's a right way to tie up and beat someone, and it can require a medical student's understanding of anatomy. "There are a lot of safety protocols that are good to know about before engaging in BDSM play," Holland says. "For example, with rope bondage, make sure there's no loss of circulation by tying the ropes so that there's room for one finger to fit between the rope and the skin. Don't hit anyone with an implement over his or her kidneys or sciatic nerve. Place nipple clamps behind the nipples, not on the tips. When slapping someone across the face, don't hit his or her ears or mouth. Probably the most important safety protocol is to know and adhere to the safe word at all times."

Since the only person in this scenario who is sure to have this education under their belt is likely physically restrained by said belt, this can present its own danger. "Lots of dudes have no clue how to use nipple clamps or how to do a proper hog-tie," she says. "These skills just aren't part of our sex education system."

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That's another reason the pre-session interview is important: It gives you a chance to figure out the client's skill level, "what the client wants to do and how hard he wants to do them." It's also "very important for subs to know their limits, and to know what's safe and what could cause serious harm," Holland says. "You have to constantly take stock of how you are feeling. Are you losing circulation in your hands or feet while tied up? Is the dom hitting you in a spot that could cause injury? Knowing what's potentially dangerous and stopping the dominant before they cause injury is a big part of staying safe working as a sub." Otherwise you could find yourself making a very hard-to-explain visit to the emergency room.

3

You Become An Expert At Healing Bruises (Explaining Them Is Another Story)

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"The most common place to get bruises is, of course, the ass," Holland says, "but I've gotten weird bruises all over my legs, breasts, and back." This means that, eventually, every sub's medicine cabinet ends up looking like a New Age shop catering to the extreme niche market of vegan street fighters. "The most common remedies we use are arnica cream," which is kind of like Icy Hot for hippies, "and icing to reduce swelling." Some of her more dubious methods include "strangely, toothpaste applied topically ... as well as gentle massage and sunlight," which is like the most cartoonishly adorable treatment for sex-spankings that we could've imagined.

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Those things can help prevent walking around looking like a domestic violence PSA, but not always. Holland has accepted this fate, explaining "Most of the time, I don't even bother trying to cover my bruises, because the makeup and turtleneck bill would go through the roof. If someone who doesn't know what I do for work asks, I usually just make up a story about running into a bookcase or something." She notes that that's "not uncommon for me to do anyway; I'm pretty clumsy," but we're reasonably sure that was in the PSA, too.

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2

You'd Better Be A Damn Good Actress

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"A huge part of my job is improvisational acting," Holland says. Some of that is for safety reasons: "If I'm the submissive and the client wants to inflict pain on me, I have to act like things hurt more than they really do in order to pace out the session so I don't actually get hurt or wind up with a bazillion bruises. If I'm the dominant, I have to continuously convey power and control throughout the session, even if I'm exhausted and don't really feel like ordering someone around for over an hour."

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Screaming insults at your customers sounds awesome until it's part of your job. "Clients come in with all sorts of scenarios they want to play out," Holland continues. "Some guys know exactly what they want and the story never changes. For example, we have one client who comes in every month or so, books sessions with basically everyone, and acts out the exact same scenario with every single one of us: A naughty schoolgirl who got bad grades gets a spanking."

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1

It Gets Incredibly Weird

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"It's not all whips and chains," Holland says. "It gets much more strange than that. I had a session with a guy once who had -- I'm not kidding -- a denim fetish. He liked the look and feel of denim, and only wanted me to try on a ton of denim clothing while he watched. We've also done a couple of crying fetish sessions where the client just wants to watch you cry, one where he wants to hit you hard enough to make you cry, and one where he wants you to cry because you are 'so sorry' for some made-up thing you did. There's also a client who comes in and wants one of us to tell him the story of a car accident in graphic detail. There's even one client who likes to just sit and talk about how he would eat you if he could -- like, literally go Jeffrey Dahmer on you."

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Clearly, you have to have an open mind to do this kind of work. Holland can't exactly pass judgment, because it would be kind of a gimp-calling-the-mistress-black situation: "The other day, I had a client who came in for some basic S&M play, and after flogging me, he exclaimed, 'I have no idea why I do this, but I've always liked it.' I can relate. I don't know why I have a predilection toward giving and receiving pain, but I'm glad I've found an environment where I can safely act out my BDSM fantasies and help others do the same."

Holland Jones is a writer and instigator of mischief whose favorite hobby is skinny dipping. You can read her unsolicited sex and relationship advice here. You can hurl insults at Manna for free on Twitter.

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