4

The Costume Requirements Are Similarly Insane

The 501st Legion

Did you know there's a difference between an Empire Strikes Back Stormtrooper and a New Hope Stormtrooper (which is further broken down into "Stunt" and "Hero" categories), and that none of those are quite the same as a Return Of The Jedi Stormtrooper? The 501st Legion does, and they're damned serious about getting it precisely right. "The process for establishing the guidelines for a Legion costume -- what the Legion calls a 'Costume Reference Library' -- is outlined in Section 6 of the Legion's 'Operations Protocol.'"

1st Imperial Stormtrooper Detachment
Have you ever thought about the proper bulge curvature
of a Stormtrooper's codpiece? They have.

If that sounds both haughtier and more complex than Grand Moff Tarkin's jawline, that's because it is. "For a new-to-the-Legion costume, we require at least three separate and detailed references for it to be considered for inclusion. Those references can come from a number of sources, from actual screen-stills to photos and illustrations in various print media -- even from toys and other collectibles that are considered detailed enough to accurately portray the costume as it would look in 'real life.' So, yes, for some of the more well-documented costumes, we have enthusiasts that will freeze-frame every scene in which the character appears and document the tiniest of details."

Lucasfilm
Even characters so obscure you forgot they were even in the movies have strict requirements.

3

Even The Best Stormtrooper Needs Help (With Butt-Plate Emergencies)

TheMirroredUs

Let's do a quick visual demonstration. Ready? Here goes:

Starwarshelmets.com, Lucasfilm
"Hey, my eyes are ... down ... here."

See where the eye holes are, compared to his actual eyes? Yeah. We can imagine that a "real" Stormtrooper helmet would pack the most badass heads-up display that '70s vector graphics technology had to offer, but in a real-world replica, you're trying to view the world by way of your bitchin' hair wings. So transforming into a convincing, movie-accurate Stormtrooper takes more than simply slapping on some armor -- you also must possess some rudimentary acting abilities. Acting like you can see, for example. Or hear. Or like you're not slowly roasting like a sweat-basted turkey to be served up at Vader's Christmas Jubilee.

"It gets really hot, especially when trooping events such as the annual Dragon Con Parade in Atlanta every Labor Day weekend. The costumes can chafe in some very unpleasant places. In fact, we have procedures in place whose goal is to prevent such things -- we call it our 'Trooper Survival Guide.'"

Lucasfilm
Which might give some idea why few people opt for the Snowtrooper uniform.

2

It Becomes An Addiction

Manny Lombard

Let's face it: There's a certain stigma attached to those who spend their spare time dressing up as characters from their favorite fictional universe.

Kirby Lee/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
This, however? Completely normal.

But despite what you may have assumed up to this point in the article, Brian isn't some social inept living in his mom's basement. He's a literal rocket scientist who just so happens to like Star Wars a whole, whole lot. "Ever since the original movie came out in 1977 I've wanted an accurate-looking set of Stormtrooper armor. In January of 2007, the 501st Legion was featured in the Rose Parade (with George Lucas as the grand marshal). You can imagine the impact of seeing 200 Stormtroopers marching in formation on live television."

Said impact evidently ranked somewhere between that of cocaine and heroin. As Brian put it, "The addiction level is quite high. ... Personally, I have owned six different Legion-quality costumes since 2008. Others have owned far more than me -- at least a dozen or more. My current lineup is a classic Stormtrooper from The Empire Strikes Back, a Snowtrooper from the same movie, and my most recent build is the new Stormtrooper from The Force Awakens. The closest thing I can describe to stepping into a new character is that indescribable feeling you get when driving a brand-new car off the lot for the first time."

1

Sick Kids Love The Hell Out Of Stormtroopers

The 501st Legion

This isn't just about nerding-out in expensive cosplay. You realize that the first time you help make some sick child's day.

"Make-A-Wish is one of the charitable organizations we are most affiliated with, because, well, what kid doesn't like Star Wars? My most memorable charity event just so happened to be a Make-A-Wish event where we helped present a custom-built, Star Wars-themed clubhouse to a very sick 11-year-old boy, back in 2011. CNN even covered it -- I'm the tall Stormtrooper with the modulated voice at the 0:50 mark in the video."

And speaking of children, Weird Al Yankovic is an official "Friend of the Legion."

"He's an incredibly down-to-earth guy and a true fan -- he even made an appearance at Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim this past April as just another fan. Wherever he goes on tour, he enlists the Legion, usually requesting Darth Vader and eight to 10 Stormtroopers as 'backup dancers' on stage for two of his Star Wars parody songs."

"I trooped two of Weird Al's four Virginia appearances this year, and I had a great time. At the one in Newport News, we brought in an 8-year-old girl who was bullied for being a girl who liked Star Wars. While she was too young to be on stage with the rest of us, she still got to meet Weird Al -- while wearing a custom-fitted set of Stormtrooper armor."

Via 501st Legion
She was the most adorable Stormtrooper since Han donned the armor in '77.

So, yeah, there really are worse ways to spend your time.

You can find out more about the 501st Legion, and find your local garrison, at 501st.com. Jason is an editor for Cracked. Join him on the dark side; like his Facebook page.

For more insider perspectives, check out The 5 Most Impractical Aspects Of Superhero Costumes and 5 Dark Realities Of Animating Shows Like 'The Simpsons'.

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