"A lot of the time, it can be very 'going back to the drawing board' and rediscovering your partner sexually," Amber says. "I'll give them exercises like 'Lay with your partner and touch their skin for half an hour.'"
Uh, do try to find somebody you already love and trust for that one, though. "Can I touch your skin for half an hour?" is possibly the worst pickup line we can imagine.
People Don't Know A Lot About Sex
According to Amber: "Some people orgasm just from having their skin stroked. There's I think 12-14 different ways a women can orgasm." Which is about 12-14 more ways than we knew about.
Martin Poole/Photodisc/Getty Images
To be fair, our calculations usually consist of one number.
"[There are] only seven ways for men," Amber says. "There's penetration, oral, anal, nipple stimulation ... Women will often ignore nipples on a man -- like 'Ah, they're only decorative.' And some of them don't like it, some are too sensitive, but lots of men like it, and I find a lot of women really neglect that. It seems to be associated only with women."
For women: "There's the clitoris, vaginal opening, penetration ... nipples, anal, mouth -- there are some people who orgasm from either kissing, or if they're performing oral sex and get really into it, they can orgasm that way as well. It's amazing how many different ways there are."
You can usually spot the guys who've managed to inspire that last one.
Ever wandered into the shampoo aisle of a grocery store and become frozen for choice? You just want something to clean your hair, and suddenly you're presented with 1756 bizarre concoctions vying for your attention? Well, sex is a bit like that. Adding to the confusion: If we don't have problems, we'll still make some up.
Amber explains: "People come in and say they have premature ejaculation problems, and I'll ask them how long they last, and they say 'Only 10 minutes.' Well, the average is seven minutes. Premature ejaculation is usually anywhere from 30 seconds to a few minutes."
"So get the stopwatch out of the bedroom and stop making this weird for everybody."
Explaining how we all got into this sticky mess, Amber points to a culture that discourages sexual exploration. Like any good therapist, she specifically blames your mother. "Parents will do things like see their child masturbating and say 'That's dirty, stop doing that.' A lot of men will have trouble orgasming while they're masturbating because they feel guilty about it for that reason. A lot of women are shamed for masturbating, so they don't know what they like sexually. They'll say 'Oh, I just do whatever my partner does.' That can even manifest in things like inability to orgasm altogether." The crux of her job, she says, is "teaching people to be positive about their sexuality."
So that's the key to a healthy sex life, everyone: Stop feeling bad about that weird, weird shit you like. Even if it's super weird. Like that one thing you're into. You know the thing.
Manna sublimates her anxieties all over Twitter. Just, all over it.
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