But that's just the way it is for bisexuals -- in the collective consciousness, they exist as the mythological fusion of two extant creatures, like a mermaid, instead of a real combination that exists, like a spork. As Beth explained, "People definitely like to label you as just 'going through a phase' and will respond with statements like, 'Oh, yeah, I experimented in college, too.' And on the off chance you do get them to believe you, they'll still split hairs by labeling you 'bi-curious' or 'college lesbian' or, my personal favorite, 'heteroflexible.'"

Yuri_Arcurs/iStock/Getty Images
Or if you're a guy "ambidickstrous".

The backlash from the nonexistent bisexuals over the piece prompted the Times to do a follow-up article where the writer set out on a quest to prove that bisexuals exist, kind of like Bigfoot, instead of just gathering a bunch of people to a porn buffet and watching their dicks. Ultimately, the article concluded that bisexuals do exist and they have some grainy, out-of-focus pictures to prove it.

But bis aren't just battling science for recognition. Even within the LGBT community, bisexuals are largely marginalized and ignored. According to Jon, "I remember talking to a gay guy at a party once about LGBT issues, and I made some comment to the effect that gay rights help bi people too. The guy responded, kind of angrily, that he didn't think bisexuals belonged in the movement because, 'they've always had the option of hiding as straight.' Gay guys have a tendency to view bi men as deceitful."

BananaStock/BananaStock/Getty Images
"Sell that shit elsewhere, you lying cunt-jockey!"

Another way to put it ...

If a TV character is bi, there's a pretty good chance they're having more sex than anybody else (such as, Olivia Wilde's character on House). And why not? Since bisexuals can have fun with pretty much anyone, it only stands to reason that they're rampaging (man)whores, right? If hetero people can barely keep it in their pants with a mere 3.5 billion potential partners to choose from, it's just a nonstop orgy once you double that number.

pederk/iStock/Getty Images
They tried to have a bisexual-only movement, but all the meetings devolved into massive sex-parties.

"I've had comments made to the effect that bisexuals are always swingers," says Jon. "And one girl said she could never date a bi guy because she 'couldn't trust him.'" Yeah, that's the flip side of the "These kinky bastards are down for anything!" myth -- an undercurrent of distrust of bisexuals, who are often viewed as deceitful. They refuse to pick a "side" so therefore must be willing to switch allegiances at the slightest provocation, like a naked Game of Thrones (so, regular Game of Thrones, we guess). It's a pervasive enough idea that GLAAD had put up a page that specifically debunked the notion that bis are constantly rubbing their genitals on each other.

Beth has experienced this slut-suspicion as well: "As much as guys fantasize about wanting a girl who swings both ways, I think a lot of them get nervous when they're confronted with the reality. Most people view female sexuality as somewhat malleable to begin with, so couple that with just the normal weird shit that women sometimes do like smacking each other on the ass, and they start viewing every woman as a threat. There's this sort of insecurity that because you can enjoy sex with either gender, then you have to enjoy sex with either gender. Like there's some piece of you that will always be unfulfilled without another set of giggly bits to play with, rather than a normal, monogamous person who prefers a loving, caring partner over casual sex."

Marili Forastieri/Photodisc/Getty Images
"How can she be happy!?! Our balls ... they're gross."

And then there's the suspicion that with all the promiscuous sex that these bisexuals are having, they must be a veritable Petri dish of STDs. Beth recalls, "I remember my dad actually said once that bisexuals have more diseases than hetero or gay people (I'm not out to him) [because] they get diseases from straight people and gay people ... if I get chlamydia from a man and chlamydia from a woman, do they form some kind of super Voltron chlamydia?" (Note: Beth does not have chlamydia.)

He's hardly the only one who believes it -- the University of Illinois had to spend money (probably your money) researching the fact that bis are not more likely to be carrying crotch plagues than anyone else.

But it's not just dudes trying to attain the Unholy Trinity. "Every girlfriend that I've come out to has asked me for a threesome with two guys," says Jon, "and I would probably guess that a third of my female friends have indicated they would be open to it as well. They try to be subtle about it by saying stuff like, 'I've thought about having a threesome with two guys before' and then waggling their eyebrows at me. It's apparently a much more common fantasy than women have let on."

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images
"Oh, uh, I was just kidding ... Double Stuf Oero?"

Well, ladies, that's why God invented Craigslist. But there is one challenge that seems specific to the males ...

Jon can relate: "I like to think my friends are pretty progressive, but I'm not out to them and never will be. They would probably wonder if I've just been faking it all these years with my girlfriends and I'd prefer not to have a discussion about sexuality as a spectrum every time I bring a new girl around. I will never be in a serious relationship with a guy and they're never going to meet one of my partners, so why complicate things?"

While homophobia undoubtedly plays a part in that, Jon says that it's not just guys who feel that way. "A few years ago, I was dating a girl who knew I was bi, and one day she found exactly one gay porn video in my browser history. She nearly had a mental breakdown over it. Keep in mind, she frequently watched lesbian porn herself. But when I brought that up to her, all she could say was, 'It's not the same!' She was terrified that I was going to suddenly flip the gay switch and leave her for a guy."

Buccina Studios/Photodisc/Getty Images
"... in sickness and in health, to love and to cher- HOMOBOTS, TRANSFORM AND GAY OUT!"

Sex and the City fans might remember the episode where Carrie dates a bi guy, but states that she thinks he's "just on a layover on the way to Gay Town" (in the end, she breaks up with him because she views it as an experimentation phase and declares that "she's too old for their games"). You can even read this Frisky article where a woman talks about a guy she was dating coming out to her. At first she feels "duped" and then later acts surprised when he's "not at all afraid of [her] girlie parts."

"If her boyfriend is like me," says Jon, "he's had about 20 times more straight sex than gay sex, so being surprised that he knows what he's doing with her is like being surprised that Michael Jordan is better at basketball than baseball. Also, I'm not claiming I'm the Michael Jordan of sex."

Diane Freed/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Dennis Rodman is probably a more accurate Bulls analogy.

And if that statement about "20 times more sex" is leaving you confused, well ...