They ... took the Doritos out of the vending machines.
The board of directors cited "insurmountable financial challenges" as their motivation to shut down. I'd love to elaborate, but I can't because they didn't. We have an $94 million endowment, and we have no idea where it's going. Our president claimed that his board would be as transparent as possible, but they're not exactly cosplaying The Hollow Man here -- unless you mean that they left us with our metaphorical dicks in the breeze.
I'm not going to shotgun a bunch of numbers here, because talking about college is no excuse for inflicting math on you. But I will point out the media has a healthy sense of skepticism about the board's claims. Oh, and did I mention that our president was involved in a misappropriated donor funds scandal at Trinity College?
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"Alright ... red, the college stays open."
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