The Internet is heavily under the influence of the powerful pro-kitten lobby, but I need you to listen to the truth: kittens are terrible and will ruin your life.
I became a junior member of the rice rocket club and I'm dealing with my guilt by pointing out much more ridiculous rice rockets in a desperate bid to prove I'm still cool.
Sad attention grabs are something you expect from reality show characters or self-important activists, people who don't really have any dignity to lose. Surely our civic institutions are above all that. Right?
I suspect that around 50 percent of the population thinks they're in the smartest, cleverest 3 percent of the species, and they're totally going to be the ones to beat the system.
It didn't start with Avatar. Humans have been obsessed with the idea of combining humans and cats into a new fictional creature for as long as written records exist.
Everybody is a comedian these days, and the internet has given them a stage. Maybe the best example is Amazon.com. It's very simple: anybody can write a review, on any product, whether they have bought it or not. So it's just a matter of finding a baffling/ridiculous/useless product and watching the internet's sarcasm run wild.
When it comes to marriage, some lucky folks manage to land somebody way out of their league, though that's pretty rare. Rarer still is the small group who get to marry someone way out of their league, and just completely take it for granted.
Some people are so desperate to be nonconformists that they devote a great deal of their time to doing exactly the opposite of whatever 'the masses' are doing.
So some achievements are meaningless, and some achievements are insanely difficult. The World of Warcraft developers thought it would be funny to make some that were both. Like these.
It's just a big stupid gimmick, right? If they're going to try to charge you up to $20 a ticket, you better damn well be getting something amazing out of it. But instead all you get is a big headache and something occasionally jumping out of the screen at you. Right? Actually, there are ways to use 3D to actually make movies better.
Thanks to romantic comedies and crappy comedians, we know that men are crude, shallow boors that only care about sex, and women are weepy sensitive hippies that only care about poetry and what's on the inside.
Try mentioning any of the below things to a large group of people -- or just try not hiding any of these things from a large group of people -- and you will have so much condescending advice on your hands that you could, I don't know, build a really annoying house out of it.
The dating site eHarmony claims to match prospective couples based on 29 dimensions of compatibility, not one of them being video game skill level. This is an enormous mistake
Enlightened white people go to poor foreign countries and ask, 'What do these noble people have to teach us?' The results are less murderous but more annoying.
A lot of times people honestly ask the wrong question without knowing it. Here are some I see guys continually asking about women, along with the question they should be asking if they actually want an answer.
People in movies are bored to tears by the daily monster attacks and underdog miracles and high speed chases (though on the plus side, Social Security and pension funds wouldn't be in crisis because nobody ever reaches retirement). This begs the question: What crazy stories would boggle the minds of characters in movies?
