20 Goon Groups It Would Be The Worst To Work For, Ranked

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20 Goon Groups It Would Be The Worst To Work For, Ranked

Walt Disney Pictures, Lucasfilm

Henching aint’ easy. You’re down on your luck and aching for a change in life, then you see some megalomaniac with funds recruit some folks in order to input some societal change, gain wealth beyond measure, or turn everyone into gorillas or something. Whatever the reason, henchmen and goons just join up in order to be a part of the movement, making a dishonest living, or both.

And it sucks.

Any job that requires the possibility of regularly getting punched in the face by some do-gooder isn’t a good job. While doing illegal things can be a thrill, organized crime can still have bureaucracy and lack of agency. There are also some cases where you just don’t have any free will at all, or just become a mindless monster at your supervillain’s beck and call.

Here is a ranking of some of the top goon groups in pop culture from the least best to the absolute worst one to join.

Koopa Troopas - 'Super Mario Bros.'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 19 Коора Troopas Super Mario Bros. Sure, it's a mundane life to walk from one side of a platform to another just to get stomped on by jump- happy plumber, but sometimes you can take a break to play tennis, race go-karts, or other sports. CRACKED.COM

More: Super Mario Wiki
Image Credit: Nintendo

A.I.M. - Marvel

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 18 A.I.M. Marvel Arguably the nerdiest vying-for-world-domination force in Marvel, A.I.M. mostly does stub in labs and has a Tesla/Google feel in terms of a workplace, complete with rotating authority figures and funding coming from questionable sources. CRACKED.COM

More: Marvel Database
Image Credit: Marvel

Fire Nation Military - 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For Fire Nation 17 Military Avatar: The Last Airbender The positives: Badass outfits, learning the ways of firebending. The negatives: Overbearing bosses, (often children) with variable levels of temper. CRACKED.COM

More: Avatar Wiki
Image Credit: Nickelodeon

The League of Shadows - 'The Dark Knight Trilogy'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 16 The League of Shadows The Dark Knight Trilogy Joining a ninja clan that aims to change the world can make you feel like you're a part of something big, until you realize that your boss is Liam Neeson and some plans rely a bit too much on chance. CRACKED.COM

More: Batman Fandom
Image Credit: Warner Bros Pictures

The Frieza Force - 'Dragon Ball Z'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For The Frieza Force 15 Dragon Ball Z Seeing the galaxy and forming camaraderie with other alien creatures seems like a good job, especially when you get cool armor and buff training. However, having a boss that goes out their way to kill your coworkers and blows up planets on a whim is going to impact Glassdoor reviews. CRACKED.COM

More: Dragon Ball Wiki
Image Credit: Toei Animation

Hyenas - The Lion King

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 12 Hyenas The Lion King Joining up with Scar to climb up the food chain for quality meals and good laughs isn't too bad on paper, until you realize that your new lion leader can be easily toppled by his whiny bug-eating nephew. CRACKED.COM

More: Wickedpedia
Image Credit: Walt Disney Pictures

The Crazy 88 - 'Kill Bill'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 11 The Crazy 88 Kill Bill Getting into a massive Yakuza gang is pretty neat, especially since you're wearing snazzy suits and domino masks, but it's not worth getting rid of your individuality to just get spanked by a single assassin. CRACKED.COM

More: Kill Bill Wiki
Image Credit: Miramax Films

Death Eaters - 'Harry Potter'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 10 Death Eaters Harry Potter Being known as a blood supremacist is too Nazi-like for most people. Plus, why would you follow a master of the dark arts like Voldemort that chooses not to use magic to fix his nose? CRACKED.COM

More: Harry Potter Wiki
Image Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

Cobra Troopers - 'G.I. Joe'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 9 Cobra Troopers G.I. Joe Working for Cobra isn't too different from the regular military, save for the fact that there doesn't seem to be any college payment programs and your supreme commander is a literal snake, not a figurative one. Plus, the regular laser energy weapons appear as ineffective as laser tag weapons. CRACKED.COM

More: Joepedia
Image Credit: Sunbow Productions

The Fluttering Horde - The Venture Bros.

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 8 The Fluttering Horde The Venture Bros. While you're allowed to have your own personality and it's a way of getting your life out of a rut, being a goon in the Fluttering Horde is just like being a Cobra Trooper, but with only a third of the budget, given they have dart guns in lieu of laser pistols It's the Jack-In-The-Box to Cobra's McDonald's. CRACKED.COM

More: Venture Brothers Wiki
Image Credit: Adult Swim

Stormtroopers - 'Star Wars'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 7 Stormtroopers Star Wars Being one of the several faceless empire lackeys sucks, especially if you're a clone or an orphan recruited for the cause. Not only do you have to fight under a repressive regime without any personal gain - based on the movies, it appears you get little to no weapons or combat training whatsoever. CRACKED.COM

More: StarWars.com
Image Credit: Lucasfilm

Agent Smiths - 'The Matrix'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 5 Agent Smiths The Matrix The cons: Lose individuality, be a computer program, be just the same guy as everyone else. The pro: You get to be Hugo Weaving. CRACKED.COM

More: Flashback FM/YouTube
Image Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

The Foot Clan - 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 2 The Foot Clan Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles We don't know what's more disheartening: Being in a ninja clan that thinks you're so disposable that your coworkers are replaced with poorly made robot versions, or being in a ninja clan that makes you a subordinate to Bebop and Rocksteady. CRACKED.COM

More: TurtlePedia
Image Credit: Fred Wolf Films

Putties - 'Mighty Morphin Power Rangers'

Bad Goon Groups to Work For 1 Putties Mighty Morphin Power Rangers You're just derpy clay people. Derpy, derpy clay people that can be taken out by white belt-level karate moves and take orders from a boss that never stops screaming ever. Oh God, Rita, please just stop screaming. CRACKED.COM

More: Villains Wiki
Image Credit: Toei Company, Saban Entertainment

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