Halloween is a holiday that has diminishing returns as we age. Unlike other holidays like Thanksgiving or Arbor Day, the real main event (trick-or-treating) gets progressively more sad and concerning as we age. That doesn’t mean there aren’t still fun and spooky things to do for Halloween, and in fact some parts of the night only get better with age – like if you want to hook up with someone you’ve only seen under 5 layers of prosthetics and makeup, it’s a fun gamble where everyone wins! – but the sad truth is that our youth is behind us, and with it the carefree innocence of the year's most spookified holiday. Yeah, we can hang up as many skeletons and bats around the office as we like, but long gone are the nights spent sifting through a pillow case's worth of Snickers, Baby Ruths, and Milky Ways. 

On the other hand, being adults means we can just go buy bags and bags of candy whenever we want. So maybe it's not all bad. 

Urban Legends

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW URBAN LEGENDS AS A KID AS AN ADULT NO ONE IS NO ONE PUTTING RAZOR IS HANDING OUT BLADES IN CANDY WEED CANDIES TO APPLES, MOM! TRICK-OR-TREATERS, MOM. CRACKED COM

Decorations

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW DECORATIONS AS A KID AS AN ADULT HONEY, COME INSIDE, IT'S LATE. COOL, IT'S NOT LIKE A REAL BEFORE I SPIDER WEB! CONSTRUCT A SCENE SO TRAUMATIZING THAT THE POLICE ARE CALLED ON US. CRACKED.COM

Costumes

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW COSTUMES AS A KID AS AN ADULT WHICH ONE HEY, COOL OF THESE WILL KNIFE. SEXY NOT GET ME CHEESE CANCELED... NICE TATTERED ROBES. SWAMP MEME FROG MAN CRACKED.COM

Scary Movies

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW SCARY MOVIES AS A KID AS AN ADULT ОН YEAH RIGHT, AHH THE THE TEACHER MARRIED BURNT GUY HAS TO THE PART TIME LIBRARY KNIVES FOR ASSISTANT CAN AFFORD HANDS!! A 5 BEDROOM HOUSE. GET REAL! CRACKED.COM

Jack-O-Lanterns

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW JACK-O-LANTERNS AS A KID AS AN ADULT WHEN DID THIS BECOME PUMPKIN CARVING?! SPOOKY! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

The Night Before

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW THE NIGHT BEFORE AS A KID AS AN ADULT NICE HOUSE, IDIOT! THIS IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR THE TRANSGRESSIONS OF OUR YOUTH. CRACKED.COM

The Day Of

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW THE DAY OF AS A KID AS AN ADULT HEY, DID YOU KNOW TODAY BEFORE THE COSTUME IS HALLOWEEN? PARADE, I HAVE A SPOOKY WORD SEARCH FOR YOU! AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU CAN MAKE PAPER THEY HAVE GHOSTS AT THE CRAFT THOSE ON STATION! TUESDAYS? CRACKED.COM

Halloween Night

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW HALLOWEEN NIGHT AS A KID AS AN ADULT I CAN'T REALLY GO OK FIRST WE HIT THE BIG TRICK-OR-TREATING HOUSES, BECAUSE THEY GIVE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A OUT FULL SIZE CANDY BARS. CREEP BUT I CAN GET DRUNK AT THE END OF THE DRESSED AS THE GRIMACE NIGHT WE GO HERE BECAUSE SO THIS IS ACTUALLY THEY'LL BE TRYING TO GIVE WAY BETTER. AWAY THE CANDY THEY HAVE LEFT... CRACKED.COM

Candy

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW CANDY AS A KID AS AN ADULT LET'S SEE... ООО A CHOCOLATE CONTAINS LACTOSE, CAN'T ONE, AND A MARSHMALLOW HAVE THAT. CONTAINS ONE, AND A NUGGET ONE... TRACE AMOUNTS OF NUTS, THAT'S OUT. MAY INCLUDE SOY, MAY END UP IN THE HOSPITAL... TAKE ONE CRACKED.COM

The Real Horror

HALLOWEEN: THEN VS NOW THE REAL HORROR AS A KID AS AN ADULT SWEETIE, PUT WHY IS IT ON YOUR JACKET. 100 DEGREES AT THE IT'S GETTING COLD! END OF OCTOBER?! BUT IT'LL ARE WE DOING RUIN MY ANYTHING COSTUME!! ABOUT THIS?! CRACKED.COM

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