13 Jokes That Got Cut From Iconic Movies

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13 Jokes That Got Cut From Iconic Movies

Just like regional pizzascountries' chocolates, and Hollywood's assorted stockpile of Chrises, not all jokes are created equal. 

What, at the time, seemed like nuggets of golden wisdom shooting out of the fingertips of a screenwriter (on a two-day bender) and onto the page, may seem like turdletts of crap spewing out the mouth of an actor (on a five-day bender) when shot and cut on film. 

But it is easy to cut out the garbage. No one feels bad about exorcizing the bad parts of a film. But what if the problem isn't that the material that needs to go is bad? What if the jokes you need to cut are, you know, good?

Jokes are comedians' darling babies, but killing your darlings sometimes means killing your dead baby joke. As it turns out, even the best writers, comedians, and directors sometimes have to leave stuff out of their movies. For example ...

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE HAD A CUT SPIDER-HAM JOKE. The way that scene  went is Noir said he lost his Uncle Benjamin, Peter lost Uncle Ben, and Gwen lost Peter. We went through everyone. Spider-Ham said he lost his Uncle Frankfurter. And then he said, 'He was electrocuted, and it smelled so good, said co-writer and co-director Rodney Rothman.

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YEAR ONE

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM JUDD APATOW CUT WHAT WAS APPARENTLY AN AUTOFELLATIO JOKE FROM YEAR ONE. There was a joke about a certain character who could put a part of his anatomy in his own mouth. I don't think you can say that online. It's not one of the main characters. We removed that. It was definitely one of our favorite jokes, were his exact words.

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CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM THERE' AN OLIVE GARDEN JOKE THAT WAS CUT FROM CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND. There was going to be a joke about Olive Garden having call girls, but an exec thought Olive Garden might take offense. What about child prostitutes? Can we say 7-year-old child prostitutes? For the record, I love Olive Garden, said Crazy Ex-Girlfriend creator and star Rachel Bloom.

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RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET HAD A CUT JOKE ABOUT KYLO REN. At one point we had a joke about Kylo Ren being kind of a spoiled child. We went to Lucasfilm and said, here's what we're doing. And they said, well, we'd prefer that you don't show him as a spoiled child. You know, he is our villain, and we'd prefer you don't do that, explained co-director Rich Moore.

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HAPPY ENDINGS

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM THE ABC SHOW HAPPY ENDINGS CUT A JOKE ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN. In the version aired in the US, Zach Knighton's character says a mouse is my bin Laden. ... Jessica bin Laden, a super hot Arab girl I went to college with. The line after that was She was the one that got away, which got cut, because bin Laden was killed before the episode got aired.

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KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM 2017'S KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE CUT SOME TRUMP JOKES. I think America's going through a pretty interesting and rough ride at the moment and I wanted this movie to be escapism. And that means not suddenly have half the audience going, 'That's not cool, that's not funny!' as the other half is cheering, said screenwriter Matthew Vaughn.

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DEADPOOL 2

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM FOX FORCED RYAN REYNOLDS TO CUT A DISNEY JOKE FROM DEADPOOL 2. This is a sore spot for me because there's a joke in the movie that is not in the movie now because e - I'm probably not even allowed to say this - Fox made me take it out. It had more to do with Disney, and they made me take it out, he said.

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AVENGERS: ENDGAME

COMEDY NERD CRACKED.COM THERE'S A THOR-VALKYRIE JOKE THAT GOT CUT FROM AVENGERS: ENDGAME.  puts her arm on his shoulder and he sort of starts to lean in for a kiss.  she was like, 'No, that was, like, a goodbye tap I was giving you.' It was a really funny beat, but we cut it, said Anthony Russo.

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