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Cracked VS: T. rex vs. SWAT Team

By:: Andres Diplotti

November 29, 2021

A complete SWAT force or a Tyrannosaurus -- which one would you be more scared to see out of your window? Whatever your answer to that is, our question is much deeper and meaningful -- who would win in a fight? Hopefully no one gets chomped on/gets an assault rifle put on their face as we try to answer that.

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team SWAT vs. T. rex is a showdown for the (geological) ages. Dinosaurs and soldier-like cops, two species separated by 65 million years of evolution. How can we have the slightest idea who would kick the other's butt? Let's try to find out.

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team The forces are evenly matched, physically. T. rex weighs about 5-7 metric tons, or about 80-100 adult humans. SWAT teams with 80-100 members are a thing (that's the size of San Diego's team, for example). In the end, it comes to who has the better weapons. — Sources: American Museum of Natural History, SD SWAT

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team SWAT has superior hardware. T. rex has a mouthful of serrated, 12-inch-long teeth - fearsome, but hardly a match for 100 dudes with military-grade carbines, assault rifles, and submachine guns. How many will Rexy be able to chew on before he bleeds out? Team Human is the clear winner. — Sources: Live Science, LAPD S.W.A.T.

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Would they ever run into each other, though? T. rex's home range runs along western North America, from Canada to Mexico. That's a big overlap with where SWAT teams operate. So yeah, they're bound to cross paths. — Source: Reuters

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team But a clash isn't exactly likely, is it? Scientists have calculated a number of about 20,000 adult T. rexes alive at any given time. SWAT forces get deployed 80,000 times a year in the U.S. Simple math tells that, on average, SWAT teams deal with four T. rexes every year. — Sources: The Week, Reuters

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Wait, that's not how math works. That's not how anything works. SWAT teams sometimes strike for such offenses as smoking pot, placing bets, or running an unlicensed barber shop. Would such force be deployed in those trifling scenarios if a T. rex wasn't a possibility? Of course not, that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? — Source: The Week

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Are huge theropods from the Cretaceous very common in unlicensed barber shops? Who knows what might be going on in the shadows, beyond the sight of the law? Someone who won't get a license to cut hair is capable of anything - and anything, by its very definition, includes having a T. rex in the premises. — Source: Daily Kos

6

CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Can SWAT teams shoot any dinosaurs they find? Even if that's not the raid's purpose? In 2014, Illinois SWAT found marijuana while they were raiding a house over, uh, a Twitter account mocking Peoria's mayor. A judge ruled that the pothead could be charged with possession. So it's all aboveboard, you see. — Source: *The Guardian*

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team SWAT vs. T. rex sounds like an over- the-top movie. In 2011, a SWAT team crashed a tank into a house in Arizona. Do you know who was riding the tank? Steven f-ing Seagal. Yes, this actually happened - so don't give us that it feels too much like a movie BS, because that means nothing. — Source: *Forbes*

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CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Steven Seagal? Really? What was he doing there? COUNTY Sheriff Joe Arpaio invited him to tag along to break up an alleged cockfighting ring, and Seagal accepted because he hates animal cruelty. (The family's puppy was killed in the process, by the way.) — Source: *Forbes*

3

CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team Did they break up any cockfighting ring, though? Well, they certainly killed a lot of chickens. News reports say the birds were euthanized, but the real reason should be obvious - birds are known to have evolved from dinosaurs. SWAT 1 - T. rex 0. — Source: UPROXX

2

CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team But is a SWAT team ready to take on a real T. rex? SWAT teams destroyed an entire house once over a missed DUI court date. You can bet your butt they're more than ready for a T. rex. (Just don't place the bet anywhere where it's illegal, or they might destroy your house.) — Source: The Week

1

CRACKED vs T. rex vs. SWAT team This all looks like plain police overreach and excessive force. Now it sounds like you are yourself harboring a T. rex. A SWAT team has already been dispatched to deal with the situation. Stay put or you'll be charged with resisting arrest and obstructing justice. AND DON'T TRY TO HELP THE DINOSAUR.

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