Cracked News: 15 Timely Tidbits

All the news that's fit to skew!
Cracked News: 15 Timely Tidbits

The nation's hottest news and coldest takes!

Cracked News Residents of Kentucky can now renew their drivers' licenses at the Kentucky State Fair. DOGS STEAK SAUSAGE HISTORY MUSELY COLLON LANDE FRIES CHICKEN CARMES CORN They're just like regular drivers' licenses, but deep-fried and covered in powdered sugar. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News An InfoWars host has been charged in connection with the Jan. 6 riot at the U.S. Capitol. ONAIR Like they say, if you talk the talk, you gotta perp-walk the perp-walk. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News A recent poll has found that anxiety about COVID is rising across the U.S. Which is sort of like saying anxiety about getting burned rises when your house is on fire. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Gov. Cuomo took parting shots at the harassment allegations against him before resigning Monday. I guess he wants people to think, Him? Harass women? But he's SO stubborn and persistent! CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News The US energy secretary met with the Navajo Nation in New Mexico to discuss renewable energy. Which is kinda like asking a guy to repair the car you stole from him. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Montana is facing a shortage of school bus drivers due to the pandemic. SCHOOL BLES 1-2 One bus driver said, Getting hit in the back of the head with apples is my passion, but I can't risk it. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News More than $1 million in fines have been issued to unruly airline passengers this year. Some people just don't know how to behave on airplanes, said the barefoot guy in the seat next to you. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Senators have questioned DOJ funding for AI police technologies they say are discriminatory. They clearly have no idea how expensive it is to teach robots to be racist. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Winnebago has moved its headquarters from Iowa to Minnesota. Unfortunately they're still trying to find somewhere to park it. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News A CA law stopping rideshare drivers from being classified as employees has been ruled unconstitutional. This is seriously going to cut into Uber's ability to lose money. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News On Monday, the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine received full FDA approval. 00000 They finally got it approved after telling the FDA it was made out of Oxycontin. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News After requests from banking partners, OnlyFans has announced it will ban sexually explicit content. Which, ironically, means the whole internet is now watching OnlyFans get &%$#ed. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News A World War II veteran reconnected with 3 children he rescued, after searching for them on social media. Which is the second time he's had to wade through a bunch of Nazi bull#^&% to find these kids. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Mayim Bialik has been chosen as the next guest host of Jeopardy. Also added: a bonus round where contestants throw darts at a picture of LeVar Burton's face. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News A Republican Congressional Candidate threatened a library worker over a gay pride display. I don't know what he's mad about. According to high school bullies, libraries have been gay for years. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

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