Cracked News: 15 Topical Takes

All the news that's fit to crack.
Cracked News: 15 Topical Takes
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All the news that's fit to crack.

Cracked News Dr. Fauci is hopeful that COVID vaccines will get FDA approval within weeks. COVID COVID COVID COVID-1 Coronavir Varcine Coronavirus Vaccine Vaccine injection co injection Because if there's one thing anti-vaxxers trust it's government organizations. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Rockies fans say a fan accused of yelling racial slurs was actually yelling at the mascot, Dinger. IES 00 Said the fans, That dude f#$%ing hates Dinger. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News The Alaska health department says a highly sophisticated group was behind a recent cyberattack. They added, It was a real rollercoaster of a day, because we'd just won a new iPhone. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Census experts are puzzled by a high rate of unanswered questions on the 2020 Census. It's almost like their weird house exam is boring or something. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Fake COVID-19 vaccination cards are worrying college officials. COVID-1 Vaccination Record Card CDC thate Number MOREINA 042120A OF MAZEZNA Dr Juli laz 030M20A Said the college students, Dude, memorize the batch number in case the bouncer asks. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Lake Tahoe

Cracked News A 14-year-old has become the youngest person to swim the length of Lake Tahoe. Another 14-year-old was spotted on the shore with his t-shirt still on, saying he might swim it later. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Data shows that the pandemic has set off a deadly rise in speeding. 140 120 180 200 220- 240 260 When asked to slow down, drivers said, and let the virus catch me??? CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News A new vaccination form for federal workers has added penalties for lying. <<< The biggest penalty? Getting COVID. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Under a new plan, members of the US military will be required to get the COVID-19 vaccine. Said the Pentagon, our troops deserve an honorable death, fighting for oil in the Middle East. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Officials say that this year's Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is the busiest in years. Local gas stations can barely keep extra-small condoms in stock. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Jim Beam has filled 1 million barrels of bourbon during the pandemic. Said people living through the pandemic, More, please. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Michigan police drew guns on and handcuffed a black real estate agent, his client, and his -Year old son. 01/18 If they close on the house, the neighbor that called the cops better bring one hell of a welcome basket. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Virginia is considering renaming streets named for Confederate Soldiers. But you know what they say: History is written by the losers. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Police are pushing back on a conservative rollback of gun laws across the country. Said conservative law-makers, Look, as long as somebody's getting shot, We don't care who does it. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Cracked News Facebook has rolled out a prayer request feature allowing users to request prayers from friends. Said God, People still use facebook? CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

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