Vintage Ads That Feel More Uncomfortable Than Engaging

What are they trying to say?
Vintage Ads That Feel More Uncomfortable Than Engaging
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Those who work in advertising know how to reach their audience, speak their language, and convince them to buy almost anything. Some people consider it an art, others a science, but the truth is that sometimes it's just trial and error until you create an ad for the ages. Before reaching peak advertising though, publicists have to make mistakes to learn from, and that can bring some really awful ads our way.

A creepy mascot or a weird art style can turn a good idea into nightmare fuel before anyone notices, and that's the worst part: you won't know it until the ad is out in the world.

Sometimes the product itself is kinda weird and there's no way to convince anyone to buy it except by going out of your way to create an ad that audiences will remember forever. Nobody said they had to be good ads, anyway, just memorable.

Pro-phy-lac-tic brush

N EXT dentist, to the a good best friend to your teeth is a Pro-phy-lac-tic Tooth Brush. You cannot clean teeth by brushing over them. Nor can you properly reach the back teeth with the ordinary LORENCE MFC Dro-phy-lac-tic 1884 OCT 2 PATEN AUG is only tooth that brush. thoroughly Prophylistic the brush The cleanses in and around all the teeth, both back and front alike-its curved handle and rregular tufts are designed for this purpose. You can hang it up -dries quickly-absolutely sanitary. Packed in an individual yellow box which protects against handling. Rigid or flexible handle. Prices: 25c, 35c,

So many levels of wrong here.

Italian Sunday Dinner

The Sunday Dinner. That's Italian! In an Italian home, Sunday Dinner is not just a meal, it's an experience. The table is laden with good things to eat. And everyone is welcome to pull up a chair. But there's more. An authentic Italian Sunday Dinner can also be truly economical and surprisingly easy to prepare. The way you see in these recipes here. Of course, a dinner like this tastes good on any night. So you can make your Sunday Dinner any day of the week. What's more, there are other good, easy-to-pre- pare Italian dinner ideas. So we've put

The people in this picture don't look too inviting, but did you see that pasta cake?

Loce Cosmetics

Love's Baby Soft. Because innocence is sexier than you think. Love's Love's Baby Sol Love's Baby Soft Baby Soll body loaning body powder bath lotion Love's Baby Soll صحة MAY مكورنية dale body ATT with media mist Love's Baby Soft® is that irresistible, clean- baby smell, grown-up enough to be sezy. It's soft-smelling. Pure and innocent. It may well be the sexiest fragrance around Love Cosmetics

Let's not go there.

Heinz

tasty Um-m-m! Can't be equalled! That off the -simply vine fresh taste! delicious besTin the Wonderful World! flavor! baby won't have Luscious any other kind Best tomato juice Plenty of gever tasted! Tang! Not seasoned I thought didnt like tomato juice until too highly I tried Heinz No wonder I'm blushing! FAN mail regarding from 'round Heinz about Vine-Fresh Amer- Within hours after harvesting, their relish-laden August-fresh flavor is Tomato Juice is, in sentiment, a sealed in tins and bottles. Nothing tribute to that famous symbol of good- is added to it but a pinch of salt. Steve COLD ness, the

Heinz used to have a mascot called Mr. Aristocrat Tomato, and you can see why they stopped using it.

Iver Johnson

IVER JOHNSON SAFETY AUTOMATIC HAMMERLESS REVOLVER Millions Without can testify intent to the todo SO safety HARMLESS and IVER simplicity JOHNSON of the HONEST REVOLVERS IJ revolvers GOODS م HONEST Cannot PRICES ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE Idischaged IS IMPOSSIBLE Price, $5.50 You can pay $10.00 for a revolver and be no better satisfied than with an IVER JOHNSON for *5.50. Our guarantee back of every one. Ask y our dealer. Sent to any address, prepaid, on receipt of price, cash with order. Iver Johnson's Arms and Cycle Works, FITCHBURG, MASS., U. S. Л. Manufacturers of the well-known Iver Johnson Bioycles, Guns and

Picturing a kid in a gun ad is not having the effect you thought it would.

Yardley

New Yardley Lip Licks taste like Grandma's favorite recipes. So kiss him in his favorite flavor. 6 new lip-licking Lip Licks only from Yardley. They give you the shiniest yummoest lips he's ever met. And Lip Licks really taste and smell like the goodies from Grandma's kitchen. Kiss him in his favorite flavor. Watch him come back for more. Grandmak Spicy Gingerbread TEAM like looks like voelly bee Grandma's Candied Apple N ripe cards costing to make sweet Spe tester Grandma's Fluffy Pink A Gale la د SWITE for to there with ford Grandma's DarkSweetCocoa Metyan where while you in

Do I want to taste like Grandma's favorite recipes?

Wayenberg Massagic

Keep her where she belongs... with WEYENBERG MASSAGIC Shoe Illustrated sells for about $35.00-For name of your nearest dealer, write Weyenberg Shoe Mfg. Co., Milwaukee, Wisc. 53201. 40

This was creepy even for the 70s.

Game Boy pocket

Game Boy pocket. Now in six tasty colors. I | it | GAME BOYpocket - I - - -

There's got to be a better way of advertising new colors for your portable gaming console.

Crest

If you don't take care of this tooth, the permanent one might not be so cute. Somehow, a for of people figure it doesn't really matter if a baby tooch gets a cavity.After all, it's just a little temporary tooth But it really does matter. First, the tooch is so small, a cavity in it can be a big problem. So. the tooth might have to be pulled Then, the space left by the pulled tooth can cause bad spacing of the permanent teeth which can affect anything from your child's bite to his appearance So it makes sense to

That baby doesn't want to be there.

Tipalet

Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere. Hit her with tangy Tipalet Cherry. Or rich, grape-y Tipalet Burgundy. Or luscious Tipalet Blueberry. It's Wild! Tipalet. It's new. Different. Delicious in taste and in aroma. A puff in her direction and she'll follow you, anywhere. Oh yes...you get smoking satisfaction without inhaling smoke. Smokers of America, TIPALET TIPALET TIPALET. TIPALET do yourself a flavor. Cherry Natural Burgendy = Make your next cigarette a Tipalet® - CHARE MUNICIL HOW KOREA CIGARE New from Muriel. About 5 for 25c.

Seduction techniques were something else back then.

Koyalon

K FI CUSHIONING MATERIAL SOFTER THAN A BABY'S FLESH What is Koyalon? Fluffy, foamed latex...amazingly resilient... sensitive to the slightest touch. A light, angel food-cake sort of substance-alive with springy- soft buoyancy that brings new, fuller comfort to your rest and relaxation. To make this gloriously comfortable material, fresh, sweet milk of rubber trees is whipped to a froth with air, baked to a permanent shape. Each Koyalon seat or mattress is one molded piece. Inexpensive because it maintains its brand new comfort and beauty without a cent for repairs. ADOPTED BY LEADING AUTO MAKERS Fine cars now feature Koyalon

"Cushioning material softer than a baby's flesh"? What a strange choice of words.

National Foundation For Infantile Paralysis

they all got vaccine except dad... This actually happened to the man in the iron lung...James Wood, 36, of Charlotte, Mich. Не was the only member of his family not vaccinated against polio and the only one to come down with the disease. Wood and his wife both planned to be vaccinated. One night last April they were about to go out for their Salk shots when friends dropped in and the trip was postponed. Later, an extra-money night job kept Wood from going to a vaccine elinie with his wife. The children, of course, had been vaccinated. Robert, 13,

At least the message is extremely clear.

New Jersey Bell

Reach out and touch someone. New Jersey Bell CER

What about no.

Toastmaster

Webs - - - LIKE GIVING TWO TOASTERS IN ONE. This Toastmaster 4-slice toaster pops up a family-size order of toast all at once. And, it's the only 4-slice model with separate controls for each pair of slots. Makes light and dark toast simulta- neously. Two balanced toasting elements for each slot insure perfect toast every time. When toasting 1 or 2 slices, uses just half the power. Model D111.

Is that a good reaction or a bad reaction? Is the Toastmaster a good product or the worst?

National Seafood Festival

National SEAFOOD Festival HAMPTON, VIRGINIA 25 SEPTEMBER 14, 15, 16, 1950

What kind of seafood were they serving?

JH Emerson Company

838 FIRE ENGINEERING SAVING LIVES The Biggest Kick in Fire Fighting! It is not only smoke victims and your own firemen that may need quick and dependable Emerson resuscitation within handy reach on your ladder truck or other apparatus. How often do you get a call to a riverbank where seconds count and lives depend upon the quick application of a portable resuscitator that's equipped to revive more than one patient at the same time? That's why so many fire departments have EMERSON RESUSCITATORS. They are simple to operate, safe to use, and dependable. Ask for a free demonstration. Confident

That doesn't look like a life saved.

Sears pajamas

AH Stayin'up-late-lookin-great nightwear. Good nights and good buys! bigger boys will be ready to hit the hay in Selected pajamas, nighties and robes pajamas and karate-style robes. It's a dreamy are on sale at Sears. assortment at a dreamy price. Sizes There's a cozy collection of for toddlers to teens. Now 25% off. sleepwear from Winnie-the-Pooh But don't delay! To beat a for little ones. Bigger girls will be sale like this, you'd have to get up sleeping in style with nightwear 25% pretty early from The Sunny Bunch. And in the morning. Sears Available in most larger Sears retail

Stephen King could write an entire story with these kids as creepy entities haunting someone.

Overman Tires

IVERMAN THE WORLD'S BEST TIRE THE INFORMATION NRA SUPERMATIC - - years, standard equipment on America's greatest fire fighting forces OVERMAN SALES AND SERVICE Rockefeller Center. New York

Pretty sure there's a rule in the world of advertising that says you shouldn't use the devil to promote anything.

Wards

Wards.The unexpected. We take honors in Back-to-School clothes. PEACES Wards knows that school clothes are to run in, skip in, even take a trip in. That fashion can be free of care. That durable doesn't have to be dull. From play school to prep school-from daytime to dating- Wards knows all about bright clothes that make the grade. They're the only kind we carry. Surprising, isn't it?

What's up with the kid on the left?

Happy Humpty

CLUBBURGER 55c A Delicious Double-Decker - Pure Ground Beef Topped By Generous Portions Of Cheese, Bacon, Tomato, Lettuce and Our Own Tantalizing Sauce Served To You On A Toasted Sesame Bun. HAPPY HUMPTY DRIVE INS FORT WAYNE Fairfield & Packard Anthony & Pontiac Bluffton Rd.-Waynedale DECATUR U. S. Highways 27. 33, 224

Happy Humpty's ad didn't even try. On top of a creepy mascot, the burger isn't even that enticing.

Halloween Costumes

PRE-PACKED ASSORTMENT NO. 2101-TV 2101-TV (2 DOZ.) -------- 2102 Jows 27th 2109 Farrah Fawcett ASSORTMENT 2111 Polly Pat . 2116 Cooper the friendly ghost 2125 Staisky 2126 Hutch 2128 Charlie's Angels 2144 Grizzly Adams $11110011 SHIPPING WT.: 8 LBS PER DOZ. Sizes: Small (4-6 yr.l - fits child 41 to 46 tall Medium (8 10 yr.) - fits child 47 to 52 tall Large (12-14 yr.- - fits child 53 to 58 tall 3-1 NEW NEW Sized for comfort and fit A colorful box with bright Tabels identi- fying each character Terror JAWS The Osmonds in a separate assortment All materials used in Collegeville Costumes are flame

Halloween is all about scares, but these realistic masks are too much.

Hygrade's Frankfurters

ALL BEEF clear through HYGRADES all beef FRANKFURTERS TEAM n PAPLORS W.15th St./Boardwalk, 1958 HARMAN N BATHS WATCH TIME BUSHMAN'S Bank BUSHMAN'S STEAM ROOMS LARGE SUN OCEAN BATHING HOT & COLD SHOWERS PARLORS 101 BUSH ЦЕРЫ com UIDE

A street ad with a giant sausage was too much for the 70s.

General Motors

Someday roads will tell cars where to go. EXIT 3°KEEP THEN 1st RIGHT END 2° -LEFT And you'll be able to drive cross-country without a road map and never get lost Just leave the guiding to ERGS The Electronic Route GM Guidance System developed cooperatively by General Motors Research Laboratories and the Corporation's Delco Radio Division Here's how it'll work Let's say you're living in Chicago and - - PRODUCE want to drive to Los Angeles Just dial the destination code for Los Angeles on a special radio receiver panel in your car and start heading west As you approach

Aside from predicting the use of the GPS in cars, the tone in this ad is a bit… unsettling.

BVC

GET ON THE TRAIL OF DUST & GERMS! the Send for the BRITISH VACUUM CLEANER HEAD OFFICE LONDON.S.W.6. BRANCHES AND

This British Vacuum Cleaner is so creepy it makes you cheer for the germs.

The Savage Automatic

AIMS EASY As POINTING YOUR FINGER Can Your Wife Trust You? 10 W of HEN fear you' every re away time from door home creaks have the or you a mercy blind left slams? her the fo the Have torture you left Shots her absolutely unprotected a I-at of first burglar- Quick thug-degenerate that may knock at your door, or force your windows? Just think what might happen-what may be happening now, while you are milesaway! Now, while you're powerless to do anything but rave over your neglect and pray that it may not already have exposed her to danger, to

Maybe don't ask existential questions when you're trying to sell me a gun?

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