31 Funny Tales from History That More People Should Know

‘At one point there were three Popes and they all excommunicated each other’
31 Funny Tales from History That More People Should Know
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Comedy and learning usually go together like peanut butter and sandpaper. Unless, of course, you’re talking about bits of history that are entirely, undeniably funny without any punch-up needed. Humans are a darkly hilarious group, and we’ve shown an ability to trod through history while frequently stepping on massive, metaphorical rakes.

Need examples? Well, hoo boy, did you click on the right listicle. We’ve collected entries from an AskReddit thread asking for hilarious true stories from history for your edutainment. Keep scrolling, if you’re even reading this intro in the first place, to find out about some of our world’s all-time funniest fuck-ups.

8y ago During the time of Nazi-occupied France, a French train conductor learned that a train full of German soldiers had derailed. Instead of fixing it, he sent more trains full of soldiers at the wreck until the Nazis caught on and had him removed.
tianthinks 8y ago In ancient China, there was a board game called liubo. The rules haven't survived to the modern day, but archaeologists have found the stone boards and playing pieces in tombs, and it's mentioned quite a bit in historical texts. Most notably, not one, but two separate imperial princes from different dynasties are recorded as having killed a relative by smashing them over the head with a liubo board.
Svalbard38 . 8y ago King Charles VI of France was prone to delusions, and at one point believed he was made of glass. Не had his clothes specially reinforced so that he wouldn't break.
One day, the conquistadors got pretty close to the city walls, and started building something out of wood. Aztecs look on with interest, unable to hear the conversation. Spanish seem to argue among themselves a bit with one guy throwing his weight around and pointing, then keep building, with a few more arguments. Many hours later, construction is complete- turns out they've been building a trebuchet. The Spanish finally start getting ready to fling some big rocks at the Aztecs. Aztecs watch as the Spanish fire the trebuchet, and manage to fling a boulder about 20 feet into the lake
coffee-mugger to 8y ago Edited 8y ago Australia's first gold medal at the Winter Olympics was in speedskating. The skater (Steven Bradbury) was coming last until every single athlete in front of him fell over. The best part is that he was only in the finals because the exact same thing happened in the semifinals. To this day, an incredibly unlikely victory is known as 'pulling a Bradbury' in Australia.
Dahhhkness 8y ago In 1892, the princess of Liechtenstein got so pissed at a countess criticizing her flower choices at a party, that she challenged her to a topless, , all-female sword duel
gabrielcro23699 . 8y ago Stalin kept trying to assassinate Josip Broz Tito. Tito sent this letter to Stalin: Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another.
8y ago King Gustav III of Sweden was convinced that coffee was poisonous and dangerous to public health. Не levied heavy taxes on coffee and even passed a royal edict banning it, however its consumption became ever more popular. Determined to prove its danger, he ordered an experiment carried out: two identical twins had their death sentences commuted to life imprisonment, on the condition one drank three pots of coffee a day, and the other three pots of tea. Physicians would monitor the effects and report their eventual demise to the King. Both of these physicians died of natural
riskeverything . 8y ago Oscar Wilde Boasted that he could make a pun on any subject. Someone suggested 'The Queen'. 'The Queen' said Oscar 'is not a subject'..
8y ago During the Byzantine-Sassanian wars in the early 6th century, Khosrau I of Persia destroyed Antioch and captured its civilians. However, rather than enslaving them or killing them, Khosrau brought them back to Persia and rebuilt them an almost exact replica of Antioch, down to the layout of the city and rooms in the houses. The citizens were freed and made into full Persian citizens. The city was named Weh Antiok Khosrau - Khosrau's better Antioch
rewm 0 8y ago At one point there were three Popes and they all excommunicated each other.
0 8y ago One of my favorite funny stories is that in 1977, Australian Formula 1 driver Alan Jones won the Austrian Grand Prix. No one expected him to win, so the organizers didn't have the Australian national anthem on hand to play at the ceremony after the race. Instead, some drunk rando started playing Happy Birthday on the trumpet. The race happened in August. Jones' birthday is in November.
coffee-mugger 8y ago Edited 8y ago Once Julius Caesar was kidnapped by pirates, who demanded a random of 20 talents. Не laughed and told them that they did not know who they had captured, and suggested 50 talents as much more suitable sum. While he was a hostage, he acted like their commander rather than their prisoner. Не would tell them to stop talking when he wanted to sleep, and read them his own poetry (calling them illiterate idiots when they weren't impressed enough). Once he was freed, he had all the pirates captured and crucified.
Waterknight94 8y ago At the battle of San Jacinto during the Texas Revolution Mexican general Santa Anna escaped and was not found until the next day. When they found him they did not know who he was until they brought him back into the camp and was addressed by other captured soldiers, because he was in plain clothes below his station. It is said that the reason he was in those clothes instead of his usual uniform is because when the battle started he was in the middle of sex.
fieldsoffire25 8y ago In 1788 two portions of an Austrian army attacked each other by accident near the city of Karánsebes. 2 days later the Ottoman enemy showed up and took the city without a fight as all that was left were dead and wounded Austrians.
uncovered-history 8y ago I'm a historian whose speciality is the American Revolutionary Era. I think one of the more humorous things about this period is that almost every single Founding Father were worse at managing personal finances than the average American is today (yes, it was that bad). Seriously, by 1790, they had all amassed a crazy amount of debt, a lot of it was on extreme extravagance, like Washington ordering marble from Italy for his new fireplace or ordering green wall paper (the most expensive color in the 18th century) from Northern Europe. Many of them were simply drowning
ladyrockess 8y ago When Britain was fighting to conquer India, a General named Charles James Napier was told not to attack the city of Sindh. However, he had an opportunity, went ahead and attacked Sindh, and captured it. When he sent news back to Britain of his victory, his telegram was a single word: Peccavi. This is not an English word, but a Latin one, and most people know of it through the Catholic church, Directly translated into English it means, I have sinned.
PoisedbutHard . 8y ago George Bush Sr. vomited in Prime Minister of Japan, Kiichi Miyazawa's lap.
Andrei_Vlasov 8y ago It was in Corinth that a meeting between Alexander the Great and Diogenes is supposed to have taken place. These stories may be apocryphal. The accounts of Plutarch and Diogenes Laërtius recount that they exchanged only a few words: while Diogenes was relaxing in the morning sunlight, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, Yes, stand out of my sunlight. Alexander then declared, If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes. If I were not Diogenes, I would still wish
politicalteenager . 8y ago Why are you dodging like that? They couldn't shoot an elephant from this distance! -John Sedgwick, last words.
trebortus 8y ago There's a community in the UK, in and around Hartlepool who are known as Monkey Hangers https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_hanger According to local folklore, the term originates from an incident in which a monkey was hanged in Hartlepool, England. During the Napoleonic Wars, a French ship of the type chasse marée was wrecked off the coast of Hartlepool. The only survivor was a monkey, allegedly wearing a French uniform to provide amusement for the crew. On finding the monkey, some locals decided to hold an impromptu trial on the beach; since the monkey was unable to answer their questions and
COACHREEVES 8y ago When he was President Jimmy Carter was in a small boat by himself and was attacked by a giant swimming 'swamp rabbit', described later, somewhat unhelpfully, by his press Secretary as perhaps berserk
vaticanhotline . 8y ago During the Easter Rising in Ireland, drunks started fighting in the streets wearing the costumes they'd stolen from the waxworks museum.
doublestitch 8y ago Abraham Lincoln had a dry sense of humor. Не once answered a question about whether his legs were too long by saying, I have not given the matter much consideration, but on first blush I should judge they_ought to be long enough to reach from his body to the ground. Regarding General McClellan--who was skilled at training soldiers but reluctant to send them into combat--Lincoln quipped, If General McClellan doesn't want to use his army, I'd like to borrow it. Then--this last one is disputed yet was reported in reputable newspapers in 1863-- when a congressional delegation complained
CherrySlurpee 8y ago Somewhat common knowledge but I don't see it in here: In WWII, General Eisenhower sent a message to General Patton, telling him to bypass Trier because it would take 4 divisions to capture. Patton's response: Have taken Trier with two divisions. What do you want me to do? Give it back?
useurname123 8y ago The Story of USS William D. Porter and its crew. Its like Police academy but with ships. Some of the mishaps: Accidentally sending a torpedo towards a plane carrier that carries FDR going to Cairo and Tehran Conference during ww2. During maneuver drilling, a they accidentally dropped a depth charge which exploded and picked up by the whole fleet which made them scramble thinking it was German U-boat
Stickstickly11 . 8y ago Edited 8y ago Supposedly at some point Liechtenstein went to war with 80 men, but returned home with 81. Edit: Also one of my favorites is The War of the Oaken Bucket. Two Italian city states went to war over a stolen bucket from a well.
cementturtle . 8y ago Martin Luther had major gastrointestinal problems and did much of his work on the toilet.
-eDgAR- . 8y ago Edited 8y ago One of my favorites is in 1956, for a bet and while drunk, a man named Tommy Fitzpatrick stole a small plane from New Jersey and then landed it perfectly on the narrow street in front of the bar he had been drinking at in NYC. Then, two years later, he did it again after someone didn't believe he had done it the first time.
Solanin1990 8y ago How about the Sacred Chickens of Rome? See before a battle in the ancient era you used various divination techniques to see how the battle was going to turn out or whom the gods favored etc. Well one of those techniques the Romans used were Chickens, they would throw out some seed and if the Sacred Chickens ate then its time to fight, if they wouldn't eat then its time to flee. Well during the war with Carthage a Roman admiral uses the Sacred Chickens before a battle and they wouldn't eat. So he says maybe they
The_Indricotherist . 8y ago Liechtenstein changed their flag after the 1936 Olympics after the government realised they had the exact same flag as Haiti.

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