31 News Items So Outlandish, Counterintuitive or Bleak That You’ll Want to Pack Your Bags and Move to Another Multiverse

That’s it. We’re out of here!
31 News Items So Outlandish, Counterintuitive or Bleak That You’ll Want to Pack Your Bags and Move to Another Multiverse
Add Cracked to Google

Enough is enough, you lunatics! Can we all agree to calm down and be okay with normal, much-less-dramatic lives? Like, why the need to spice things up to the point of newsworthy madness?

Sure, some of it’s funny as all hell, and gives us normies something to laugh at and feel better about ourselves, but some of this other nonsense… Yeesh. 

We’d gladly provide some laughs and ego boosts to calm some of this insanity down a notch. 

The Taliban and Bumper Cars

WEIRD WORLD One of the first things the Taliban did in Kabul was, uh ... ride bumper cars. (illustration) Soon after the Taliban took Kabul, videos appeared of them riding around in electric bumper cars (and play horses) in an amusement park. CRACKED.COM

Bean-Related Crimes

WEIRD WORLD Police in a UK town are on the lookout for people committing bean-related crimes. In Wonersh, somebody has been pouring beans (and other food) onto people's front doors and cars overnight, and cops are trying to get to the bottom of it. CRACKED.COM

Drone-Causing Rain

WEIRD WORLD Dubai is creating rain with drones that literally shoot lasers into clouds. BRISTO PRINTOL ORISTO When the laser hits the cloud, the cloud gets charged with electricity, and that charge forces water particles together to form raindrops. CRACKED.COM

‘Buy A House’ for Rent Relief

WEIRD WORLD The Australian Prime Minister said renters should buy a house if they want rent relief. PM Scott Morrison suggested Australians looking for rent relief should instead look to buying a home as rents in regional areas rose 18 percent higher than they were prior to the Covid-19 pandemic. CRACKED.COM

King Sparta’s Escape

WEIRD WORLD In a North Carolina petting zoo, a pig somehow helped a serval cat escape. (illustration) The cat, named King Sparta, was filmed on a nearby road, and the owner of the zoo confirmed that a pig helped it get out. King Sparta was soon recaptured. CRACKED.COM

Life-Saving Meows

WEIRD WORLD A cat's meowing saved the life of her 83-year-old owner in Cornwall, England. (illustration) The woman fell into a ravine, and people went searching for her - and they found her because someone heard a cat loudly meowing near where she fell. CRACKED.COM

Supermarket Snake

WEIRD WORLD A massive snake showed up in a supermarket in Sydney, Australia. (illustration) Luckily, one of the people around was a former snake catcher, and she took the gigantic python to the bushland near the store. CRACKED.COM

Pickleball Felon

WEIRD WORLD A man faces a felony charge after making his own unsanctioned pickleball court. 71-year-old Arslan Guney is in hot pickle juice after Denver officials said he made a pickleball court without permission. Three days after Guney marked a faded basketball court with sharpie to play pickle, an arrest warrant was issued for felony criminal mischief. URACKED.COM

Michael Bay

WEIRD WORLD Spielberg told Michael Bay to stop making Transformers movies. Bay admitted that Transformers executive producer Steven Spielberg originally told him to walk away once a trilogy was complete. Bay said he'd stop, but the studio kept asking for another, which inevitably did well, and like an addict he just couldn't walk away. CRACKED.COM

Philly Woman’s ‘Suicide’

WEIRD WORLD A Philly woman's death by 20 stab wounds was ruled a suicide. A b P Ellen Greenberg, a 27-year-old first grade teacher, was found by her fiance locked in their apartment with a knife in her chest. After discovering 20 stab wounds, the pathologist ruled her death a homicide, but then changed it to a suicide weeks later with no explanation. COM

Living in the Airport

WEIRD WORLD A Chinese man chose to live in an airport instead of giving up drinking and smoking for his family. SHEE Wei Jianguo has been living in the Beijing Capital International Airport for 14 years because he refuses to give up his vices at home. Jianguo earns a small pension and spends it all on his favorite things: booze, cigs, and noodles. CRACKED.COM

Stolen Cars

WEIRD WORLD A woman showed up to her car theft court hearing in a stolen car. A woman was scheduled to make a court appearance after being arrested for stealing a car. When she arrived at the Dublin, CA courthouse, authorities determined she was driving a stolen Jail-less vehicle. She was taken back to Santa Rita than mile a

The Maple Syrup Heist

WEIRD WORLD The ringleader of Canada's notorious maple syrup heist must pay more than $9 million in fines. SELECT QUALITY CROWN MAPLE SYRUP' HUDSON VALLEY TOWN Richard Vallières was found guilty of fraud, trafficking and theft of 9,500 barrels of maple syrup worth about $18 million from a warehouse in the Quebec City region. CRACKED.COM

Pinky Promise

WEIRD WORLD A robbery victim told police that the robber made him pinky promise that he wouldn't call authorities. The victim was robbed at a gas station by a man in a ski mask brandishing a pocket knife. The robber took about $80 from him before making him pinky promise that he wouldn't call the cops, before fleeing on his bicycle. CRACKED.COM

False Litter Box Claims

WEIRD WORLD A Nebraska lawmaker said schools place litter boxes in bathrooms for children that identify as cats. Sen. Bruce Bostelman, a conservative Republican, repeated the false claim during a public, televised debate. Hours after his remarks, Bostelman backtracked and acknowledged that the story wasn't true. CRACKED.COM

Fake Weed

WEIRD WORLD An Indonesian man went to police after he was sold fake marijuana. The taxi driver felt he had been scammed when he bought the leaves, wrapped in newspaper, for 50,000 PAK ($270 USD). The police found, to no one's surprise, the man was mentally unwell. CRACKED.COM

Rocket Launchers in the Trash

WEIRD WORLD Rocket launchers were found in a trash can near a California school. adid W MRO 11 C4930 - TA 64km y 100 МБЛИК ass A 199302 Two rocket launchers and a practice grenade were found in a trash can at a residence near a California school. The sheriff's department says, This incident was not an unusual occurrence, as we routinely find and seize inert military ordnance. CRACKED.COM

Jack Schitt

WEIRD WORLD Stickers mimicking memorial plaques for Jack Schitt were stuck onto benches in Vancouver. Jack imagined one day if enough people realized they knew Jack Schitt there would be less judging on the planet and less assholes. A spokesperson for the Vancouver Park Board confirmed that this memorial is not sanctioned by the city. CRACKED.COM

Culling Manatees

WEIRD WORLD One commissioner's solution to the plight of Florida's hungry manatees: Kill 'em. The manatee's main food source, sea grass, is becoming more scarce. County Commissioner Curt Smith floated an unconventional solution during last week's commission meeting, thinning the herd through a cull, like an overpopulation of deer. CRACKED.COM

Teaching Witching

WEIRD WORLD The National Forensic Academy is teaching future police witching. 62-year-old Arpad Vass teaches his students witching, a centuries-old practice in which a person walks a straight line holding two bent pieces of metal until they signal the presence of whatever is being sought underground. In this case, human remains. CRACKED.COM

Peeling Gold Medal

WEIRD WORLD Chinese Olympian Zhu Xueying found out that her gold meal is peeling off. (illustration) She saw a mark that looked like dirt, so she tried rubbing it to remove it, but it didn't work-then she picked at it, which made the mark bigger. CRACKED.COM

All Out of Milkshakes

WEIRD WORLD Somehow, McDonald's ran out of milkshakes throughout an entire country. McCafé It was in the UK, and it happened due to several reasons including a shortage of truck drivers - they had no choice but to take some items off its restaurants' menus. CRACKED.COM

Horny Sea Snakes

WEIRD WORLD Researchers think sea snakes approaching scuba divers might be horny. Australian researchers determined that olive sea snakes swimming towards divers do the same things they do during courtship rituals. CRACKED.COM

Banning the Word ‘Racism’

WEIRD WORLD The word racism was banned in the Texas state house during a debate. The debate was about the voting rights bill, and Dade Phelan (R) banned the word to prevent anyone from being accused of being racist. CRACKED.COM

Wild Cows in Corsica

WEIRD WORLD In Corsica, the beaches are being reclaimed by roaming herds of wild cows. 401719 There are over 15,000 cows on the island and, during the lockdown, they started roaming the beaches freely - so much so, they're now aggressive about it. CRACKED.COM

Stripping Down at School

WEIRD WORLD In Texas, a guy took off his pants as a way to protest the mask mandate. Не was a parent at a school board meeting, and he stripped to his underwear to demonstrate that he hates wearing clothes he's forced to wear. CRACKED.COM

The Concert at Four Seasons Total Landscaping

WEIRD WORLD The concert at Four Seasons Total Landscaping was apparently a big hit. There were 200 attendees, and the staff of Total Landscaping were kind of bemused, considering they used to be known for, well, landscaping. CRACKED.COM

The One-Person Protest

WEIRD WORLD There was an (unsuccessful) one-person protest in New Zealand. It was being planned on social media -- but just one person showed up to the anti-lockdown protest, and police encouraged them to leave, which they did. CRACKED.COM

My Pet Bumblebee

WEIRD WORLD A 13-year-old from the UK rescued a bumblebee and now says it's her pet. She found it on the road and scooped it up, then tried putting it somewhere safe - but it wouldn't leave, and now follows her around pretty much everywhere. CRACKED.COM

The Oklahoma Woman in Afghanistan

WEIRD WORLD A lawyer had to ask an Oklahoma woman to stop claiming she's a rescuer. KABUL AIRPORT صيدا هوائى كابل ESSE The woman apparently overstated her help in the Afghan girls' robotics team's escape from Kabul, and their organization's lawyer had to step in. CRACKED.COM

The Lost Toddler

WEIRD WORLD A Russian toddler who got lost in the woods promised not to run away again. (illustration) The 22-month-old girl was in the forest for a total of four days and, once she was found, told her mom that she'd never disappear again. CRACKED.COM

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?