29 Silly Excerpts From Your Science and History Textbooks

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29 Silly Excerpts From Your Science and History Textbooks
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It’s no secret that science and history can be pretty stuffy. We were just at a dinner party with them, and their cocky, hoity-toity ramblings about their latest discoveries almost made us gag. We thought we’d liven up the party by telling everybody about their wild college days. 

See, we’re old pals of theirs, so they can act all high and mighty all they want, but we’ve seen their immaturity at its finest. And would you look at that? We even have some pictures to prove it!

Death By Beard

CRACKED A GUY WITH A FAMOUSLY LONG BEARD ALSO DIED FROM IT. In 16th century Austria, a politician was famous for his long beard - until a house fire broke out one night, and he tripped over the beard and broke his neck trying to get out.

The Origins of the Word Gym

The words gymnasium and gymnastics come from the Greek for nude. CRACKED.COM The Ancient Greeks commonly exercised naked, and athletes in the ancient Olympic Games would partici- pate in the nude.

Super Soakers

A former NASA scientist who helped develop stealth bombers invented the Super Soaker. NERF Super TM Sooker CRACKED.COM Lonnie G.Johnson eventu- ally licensed his design to Larami Corporation, later acquired by Hasbro. Не made so much money that he was able to fund his own research and develop- ment company.

Coffee Sniffers

Jobs that no longer exist Coffee Sniffers The Kaffeeriecher were a group of 400 people hired in 18th-century Prussia by King Friedrich II to literally sniff out coffee smugglers, like human sniffer dogs. CRACKED

Urine-Fueled Laundromats

Ancient Rome CRACKED COM In ancient Rome, laundromats pretty much ran on urine. The practice continued even after the invention of soap, as many Europeans preferred the all-natural goodness of bladder water. And long before toothpaste, 9 out 10 Romans agreed that gargling urine was the best way to keep your teeth clean and sparkly.

Chameleon Tongues

A chameleon's tongue is twice as long as its body. CRACKED.COM For a human, this would be like having a tongue that measured 10 to 12 feet long. The chameleon's tongue isn't just long, it's also the fastest in the ani- mal kingdom.

The Berlin Wall

The Berlin Wall came down because a bureaucrat misspoke. In 1989, East German politician Gunter Schabowski held a press conference explaining some minor revisions to the travel code. His speech mistakenly implied that travel restrictions were being completely removed. Hearing this, a reporter asked when the changes would take effect. Schabowski shrugged and said, immediately, right away. The press ran with the story, and travelers swarmed the border and demanded passage. Rather than deal with a full-on riot, authorities let the wall come down. CRACKED.COM http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/30/AR2009103001846.html

Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin was inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame. CRACKED.COM Franklin began swim- ming as a child in Bos- ton, which led to one of his first inventions: oval palettes worn on the hands so he could swim faster.

Constantinople

Constantinople was defeated because of an unlocked gate. In the Middle Ages, the city of Constantinople was the citadel to the Eastern Roman Empire. It survived 1,000 years' worth of sieges. In 1453, Sultan Mehmed II of the Ottoman Empire attacked. A couple of months into the siege, somebody forgot to lock Constantinople's Kerkoporta gate. That was all Mehmed's army needed to pillage the city and enslave its people. CRACKED.COM Georgios Phrantzés, Marios Philippides, 1908 The fall of the Byzantine Empire: a Chronicle.

Mandatory Adultery

A printing error made adultery mandatory in 1631. Printers Robert nour thy father Barker and Martin may bee long vpon hy God giueth thee. Lucas accidentally Thou fhalt not kill. left the not out of the seventh Thou fhant commit adultery Thou fhalt no. ficale. commandment in Thou thalt not beare falfe their printing of the eighbour. King James Bible, Thou that not conet thy giving a big thumbs- It not couet thy neighb up to adultery. nnrr his maid-f hiwo اله When King Charles I found out, he stripped the printers un of - No Reduce does PSALMO KING AN

Normandy

The Germans' loss at Normandy may have been because of a birthday party. Field Marshall Erwin Rommel US was in charge of defending Europe from Allied invasion, in 1944. Rommel took the weekend of June 6 off to celebrate his wife's birthday. It was that day that the Allies landed at Normandy, leading to the largest German defeat of World War II. You might know it better as D-Day. http://www.historynet.com/ield-marshall-erwin- CRACKED.COM rommels-defense-of-normandy-during-world-war-ii.htm

Slinkys

CRACKED.COM SLINKYS WERE INTENDED TO STABILIZE NAVAL INSTRUMENTS. In 1943, engineer Richard James was developing springs to keep sensitive instruments on battleships safe and stable. That didn't pan out, but he accidentally found the springs had this funny way of moving around when dropped, so he sold them as a toy.

Bacon on the Moon

Bacon was the first meal on the moon Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin had a meal (or rather, a loose collection of random food) after Neil took his first steps, including bacon squares, sugar cookie cubes, pineapple grapefruit drink, peaches, and coffee. CRACKED NOW YOU KNOW

Cats in Space

The first and only cat to successfully be sent to space survived Félicette was launched into space in 1963 as part of the French space program. Her mission lasted 13 minutes. CRACKED.COM

Benjamin Franklin’s Farting Essay

In 1781, Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farting. CRACKED.COM Franklin wanted to make the odor of farts smell good so that farting in public will become socially acceptable. Не wanted flatulence to be as agree- able as perfumes.

Trees

Fire resistant pine trees scatter their needles to make it easier for fires to burn the other trees. CRACKED.COM This niche construc- tion is the process by which an organism al- ters its own (or anoth- er species') local envi- ronment, helping its own survival.

Nose Hairs

YOU GROW NOSE HAIRS LONGER THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON'S HEIGHT. A nose hair growing from a single follicle can grow up to six feet in a person's lifetime. Enough for a whole new you, roughly. CRACKED

Belly Buttons

AN ENTIRE ECOSYSTEM LIVES IN YOUR BELLY BUTTON. The average belly button hosts 50 or so species. Each person's belly button bacteria differentiates to such a degree even scientists are confused as to how. CRACKED COM

Pee-Tasting Kidneys

Your kidneys are tasting your pee for toxins. You actually have taste and smell receptors in your kidneys, heart, and red blood cells. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

The Barreleye Fish

The barreleye can look through its own head. The top of this deep-water fish's head is see-through. The fish can rotate its eyes and look at the world through it. CRACKED.COM

Parakeet Crowding

WEIRD WORLD After a parakeet breeding plan went wrong, parakeets crowded an animal shelter. A guy left some parakeets at the shelter in Michigan - he said he'd drop off a few, but there were 497 parakeets. Apparently, his son wanted to breed just a few of them, but had no idea how quickly birds would breed. CRACKED.COM

Sexsomnia

People with sexsomnia perform sexual acts while asleep. It's like sleepwalking but, well, horny. People who suffer from it might, say, masturbate or thrust their hips during sleep - and in the morning, they'll have no idea they did that. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Lincoln’s Voice

Abraham Lincoln had a surprisingly high voice. It wasn't exactly squeaky, but it was a bit more shrill than you'd expect. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

The Cream-Colored Woodpecker

In the Amazon rainforest, there's a bird that looks like Pikachu. The cream-colored Woodpecker is black and yellow, with red circles on its cheeks. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

The Oldest Known Joke

The oldest known joke is about farts. It's a 3,900-year-old Sumerian joke that goes Something which has never occurred since time immemorial - a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Strange Mating Rituals

TASTE TEST GRACKED.COM A male giraffe finds out if a female is ready to mate by drinking her urine. Once he knows she is ready, he may need to fight off competition by swinging his long neck at other suitors.

Smuggling Corned Beef Into Space

Someone smuggled a corned beef sandwich into space. The astronaut got in trouble, but the sandwich is now in a museum. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

Seagulls Fed Contraceptives

The plan to feed contraceptive pills to seagulls has been called problematic. CRACKED.COM Politicians in Ireland have suggested leaving pill-laced pellets for aggressive gulls that attack people for their food, but some of the birds are protected species and the laced food may affect other animals.

Brain Freeze

Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the medical term for brain freeze. CRACKED COM The pain response to the cold sensation in your mouth is thanks to sensory neurons that ping the brain after a change in temperature.

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