34 Toys, Hobbies and Pastimes That Wouldn’t Fly Today

The toys and games that have offended — and just straight up ended — people for decades
34 Toys, Hobbies and Pastimes That Wouldn’t Fly Today

After gathering this list of highly offensive and dangerous toys, hobbies and pastimes, we wondered how anyone thought they’d be fun in the first place. That’s the reason they were conceived, wasn’t it? For fun! 

Well, they’ve given a few people a decent time, but overall, they caused a lot more misery than they initially intended.

Stripper Pole

CRACKED.COM IT'S A STRIPPER POLE! FOR PRETEENS! peekabo Pole Date This toy stripper pole, complete with a garter and money to stuff into it, could be found in 2006 in the British grocery store chain Tesco. They denied the pole was marketed to children, despite the fact that it was exhibited in the toy section and advertised boo I i I as suitable for 11-year-olds.

Oreo Barbie

CRACKED.COM OREO BARBIE DIDN'T LAST LONG ON THE SHELVES. Oreo Barbie, born in 1997 from a cross-promotional partnership between Mattel and Nabisco, came in both white and black versions. You can tell every person involved was white because nobody knew that MA Oreo is a derogatory OREO term in the African American community for a black person who is ORE white on the inside.

Plagues of Egypt

HUB nerfu DON'T DENY IT. 20 Fahr zun CRACKED COM elen YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO PLAY WITH THE PLAGUES OF EGYPT. on PLAGUES und Berfin Todes fb befohl áuger ment, de borgen anben If anything is ripe to be captured in soft, cuddly animal form, it's surely the Lord's mighty wrath being visited upon Pharaoh and his people. Now your child can enjoy locusts, boils, dead firstborns, and other such fun!

G.I. Joe

CRACKED COM SPIRIT WAS A JUMBLE OF STEREOTYPES IN THE SHAPE OF AN ACTION FIGURE. Everything about G.I. Joe figure Spirit was a Native American stereotype, starting with his name: Charlie Iron-Knife. His card file described him as a tracker, a shaman, and a mystic warrior. Не also had an American eagle, because we know every Native American is issued one of those.

Disney Trike

GRACKED.COM THIS TRICYCLE WAS THE MOST OBVIOUS RECALL EVER. The Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike brings a fantasy kingdom close to your children. So close, in fact, they risk getting it impaled in their little skulls. One sudden stop is all it takes. To no one's surprise, this murdercycle was recalled in 2011.

Quest for Oil

Quest For Oil RELEASED ON: WEB $2152K DRIFF BIT INTEGRO БАСЬ RPM Distance to oil 3893 2113m Afren - adidas TOTOL TEAC Limestone HARD Main GRACKED.COM You chose locations on the globe to plunder for resources, advised by the first result under brunette in business attire on your stock photo account of choice, for Maersk.

Mojo Master

Mojo Master RELEASED ON: PC SOU now no measures up Ice CRACKED.GOM Axe Body Spray leaned hard into the appeal to horned-up teenage boys marketing strategy with this seduction game that is just a glorified PG peep show.

Hooters Road Trip

Hooters Road Trip Spents RELEASED ON: PLAYSTATION NOT - - 02 FINISH boten CRACKED.COM Disappointingly, this titillating title is a rally racer that relegates the titular Hooters girls into being sparsely used, grainy .MOVs that compliment your driving prowess.

Lawn Darts

CRACKED.COM IT TOOK DEAD CHILDREN TO BAN LAWN DARTS. Contains 4 JAVELIN DARTS 2 TARGET CIRCLES HASBRO JAVELIN DARTS If you're going, What the hell were they thinking to sell huge flying metal spikes to play with, V you're not alone. The U.S. banned them for good in the late '80s-but only after they had caused thousands of injuries (and a few deaths) over three decades.

Breaking Bad

PARENTS RECENTLY PETITIONED TOYS R US TO PULL THE BREAKING BAD ACTION FIGURES FROM THEIR SHELVES. A WARNING: Ages CHOKING HAZARD The Walter White 15+ BEW - figure comes with a 35 gun, a bag of cash, and Br eaking 56 a baggie full of meth*. Bad TOY FAIR NY 14 EXCLUSIVE 100 Not actual meth. an actual gun or actual cash Walter White Figura Toys R Us no longer sells them. CRACKED.COM

Nimbus 2000

THIS IS THE HARRY POTTER NIMBUS 2000 VIBRATING BROOM. Sadly, they're no longer sold. It's a dick- shaped toy that vibrates when children stick it between their legs. (actual photo from Amazon) Actual Amazon review: When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really

Battlestar Galactica

THE MISSILES LAUNCHED BY THIS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TOY ACTUALLY PROVED DEADLY TO KIDS. The launcher caused ripped intestines, eye injuries, and one death when a missile lodged in a child's esophagus. They were recalled in 1979. SCARAB CRACKED.COM http://resources.lawinfo.com/personal-injury/products-liability/

Jar Jar Binks

THIS CANDY TREAT LETS YOU FRENCH-KISS JAR JAR BINKS. doo I CANDY Binks JOY ARE FOR COMM I I PISODE WARS STAR - We're assuming it tastes like thinly-veiled racism. CRACKED.COM

Dune

YOU CAN COLOR IN BARON HARKONNEN'S WEEPING PUSTULES IN THIS DUNE-THEMED ACTIVITY BOOK FOR KIDS. DUNE ACTIVITY BOOK - - Salary - - - Dune was a trippy sci-fi drama about space drugs, complicated galactic political intrigues and Sting in his underwear. CRACKED.COM http://oihouse.net/2011/03/franchised-goodies-for-the-children-of-dune/

Buzz Lightyear

GO TO THIRD BASE AND BEYOND. WITH THIS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR FUNTIME TUMBLeR! Commine . ao OR BPA INC HOOD - - The version that's currently available for sale has the straw on the other side, but reviewers confirm that with a firm twist, you can enjoy Buzz as pictured. GRACKED.COM http //www amazon.com/Zak-Designs-Lightyear-Funtime-Tumbler/dp/B004B5B26G

Batman

1. REMOVE THE PLUG FROM BATMAN'S BUTT. 2. FILL WITH WATER. 3. PUMP HIS TRIGGER. 4. SQUIRT YOUR FRIENDS! GRAGKED.COM http://herocomplex latimes com/uncategorized/ top-10-vintage-batman-toys-for-your-inner-boy-wonder/

Midge Doll

Product Recalls Midge doll In 2002, Walmart stopped selling the Mattel Happy Family set, which had a pregnant Midge doll wearing a it's a girlf pink skirt and a removable stomach with a baby inside. Mom loves newbo baby ppy famil Mom & Baby CRACKED

Aqua Dots

Product Recalls Aqua Dots/ Bindeez Beads A toy called Aqua Dots in the U.S. and Bindeez Beads in Australia was recalled after it was found to be contaminated with a chemical that can turn into a dangerous drug. Three children in Australia had to be hospitalized. THEMED THEMEO NE CHEMED AHEMED THEMED FIRST POLI QUA OOTS OUA OOTS AQUA OOTS AQUA OOTS AQUA OOTS COUESTO POOT PAIS GING adidas YESMAH CCEAN adidas I I I MADICADA AMICIAL ECTE HIS WITH FOOD WATE MARITALTY MADE POLICE FRAX I Edite KIN WITH I - MISTARY Class CITY DESIGNED com Or - MAN |

Sky Dancers

Product Recalls Sky Dancers In 2000, Galoob Toys Inc. recalled 8.9 million Sky Dancers flying dolls due to reports of 150 injuries, including eye injuries, broken teeth, a mild concussion, a broken rib, and facial lacerations. CRACKED

CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit

Product Recalls CSI Fingerprint Examination Toy Kit The Asbestos Disease Awareness Organization did a study in 2007 and found out that the hit had asbestos in it. That's not something you want anywhere, let alone in a toy for kids, so the kit was recalled. AGES 10+ CSI: ADULT SUPERVISION RECOMMENDED WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD Jomal parts Mot for - - 3 years CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION WARNING: FINGERPRINT - - - - granos EXAMINATION KIT i E - USE FINDERPRINT BRUSH COLLECT TO BUST EXAMINE, REAL PRINTS D RECORD FINDERPRINTS WITH DRISSONS CSI TEAM CSI: un nar Done F 3 HANG CRIME

Pinky Lee Medicine Chest

PINKY LEE MEDICINE CHEST BAND-10 - - IVORY Free Pinky Lee TOY medicine CHORIGNED.COM THE GOOD HABIT TOY Learn Pinky Lee's secret shames, then refill all the good prescriptions.

Krimson Terror

KRIMSON TERROR the CONDERG ling CRACKED.COM KRIMSON TORROR PLANNIC MONSTER CONSTRUCTION KIT The make-your-own monster with the three-handed crotch.

Butcher Playset

BUTCHER PLAYSET GRACKED.COM The trouble started when Jeffrey asked if we could pretend to disembowl a hog.

Atomic Energy Lab

ATOMIC ENERGY LAB GILBERT musle or physics - ... ATOMIC ENERGY LAB - - - CROTHIC EXPERIMENTO - بيد - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . available - - - - Emiting! Safe! - SILBERT RALL OF SCIENCE - ... Where CRACKED.COM SILBERT CLOUD CHAMPER Did the Atomic Energy Lab come with actual uranium? Why, yes. Yes, it did.

Action Park

CRACKED ACTION PARK Action Park in Vernon, NJ, was one of the first modern water parks in the US. It was known for its risky attractions, like the Tidal Wave Pool, nicknamed The Grave Pool because it needed 30 rescues a day. Just imagine that kind of thing today. K A O on P

Bear-Baiting

CRACKED BEAR-BAITING In 16th and 17th century England, people used to have a cruel game called bear-baiting. They would, as the name implies, tie a bear to a stake and then let a pack of dogs attack it. Yes, it's as dumb and cruel as it sounds.

Dwarf Tossing

CRACKED DWARF TOSSING In the 1980s, people with dwarfism were sometimes paid to be thrown at a wall with a target on it. They wore special padding and the wall was covered in Velcro but, damn, still.

Sheep Fighting

CRACKED SHEEP FIGHTING Sheep fighting is still popular among the younger generation in Algeria, even though it's technically illegal. It's like cockfighting, but a bit more sedate, and authorities usually turn a blind eye to it.

Daggering

CRACKED DAGGERING Daggering is a dance popular in Jamaica. It looks like rhythmic dry-humping, and daggering music has been banned from broadcast because of how explicit it is. It's caused a lot of serious injuries, including (don't laugh) broken penises.

Octopus Wrestling

CRACKED WRESTLING OCTOPUSES In the past, people used to wrestle octopuses as a sport in the US from 1949 to the mid-1960s, but now it's against the law in many places. Thankfully.

Dueling with Wax Bullets

CRACKED DUELING WITH WAX BULLETS In the early 1900s, people used to settle disputes by having a duel with wax bullets - a safe way to protect their pride. Nowadays, though, this kind of dueling is extremely against the law.

Fox Tossing

CRACKED FOX TOSSING Back in the 18th century, German aristocrats had a really weird sport called Fox Tossing. Basically, they'd let foxes, badgers, and wildcats into an arena, then fling them by pulling a cloth tight and releasing it.

Goose Pulling

CRACKED GOOSE PULLING People in the Netherlands, Belgium, and Germany used to enjoy this cruel sport that involved a tied-up goose and humans trying to yank its head. It was popular from the 1700s to the 1800s, but would - mercifully - be illegal now.

Nuke-Watching Picnics

CRACKED NUKE-WATCHING PICNICS In the 1950s, people in Nevada used to go on trips to places near ground zero of atomic explosions. They'd bring atomic box lunches and have picnics (although Uncle Sam wouldn't let them get too close).

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