12 Insanely Dripped-Out Skeletons

When burying someone, it’s only natural to put them in their finest duds. But even the sharpest suit has nothing on the treatment the decorated skeletons of Christian martyrs around Europe receive. These dead fellows are dressed for more than a funeral. They’re ready for a full on Met Gala.
Saint Birgitta, Gnadenburg

Some might say a veil and a crown are a little much. This skeleton disagrees.
Maria Himmelfahrt Church, Hirschau

A skeleton glorious enough to stop tourists from making jokes about your Church having “fart” in the name.
Saint Johann Baptist, Oberviechtach

This is going in my will now. “I want you to stick so much gold and jewels into my head that I look like the melted Terminator.”
Biberbach Church, Bavaria

He might be bejeweled, but he ain’t no bitch. He looks like he could hop up and decapitate a foe right now if needed.
Saint Silvester, Hiltenfingen

Forget the outfit, which is wild in its own right. How about that pose? Pop a bearskin rug under this, and it’s straight out of posthumous Playgirl.
Saint Laurentius, Zell am Main

I know they’re all skeletons, but this one looks twice as dead as the others. Am I wrong? They spent a month on the bedazzling and 30 seconds on the pose.
Saint Jakobus, Hahnbach

Look at him. Like a beautiful, glinting, dead hedgehog.
Basilika Saint Lorenz, Kempten

Okay, new baseline rule for doing this: You’re not allowed to make it look like their eyes are open. Do not enjoy.
Ottobeuren Basilika

He’s zooted off a level of high-grade Hell opium that would kill any human that smelled it.
Crypt, Furstenfeldbruck

That face when you wake up from a drinking blackout to find that you apparently died and were subsequently covered in gold and valuable gemstones.
Irsee Abbey, Germany

I feel like if you walk away from this skeleton without leaving some sort of offering, you’ve got a week left, tops.
Waldsassen Stiftsbasilika

This should be album art yesterday. Forget that, this should be the art on all albums, past, present and future.