Roasting 12 Billionaires That Don’t Think About Me at All

What is it about Mark Zuckerberg that makes him look like he’s always running out of oxygen in an airlock?

Jeff Bezos is walking, talking proof that there’s no cure for baldness on the horizon.

Guy’s got one of those heads where it feels like you know exactly what their skull looks like.

I appreciate the philanthropy, even if it’s more than likely motivated by tax-loss harvesting. But he still looks like the pastor at a church for turtles.

Every time they show this guy courtside at a Los Angeles Clippers game, I regret the invention of HDTVs. It’s like watching a single testicle sweating out a salvia trip.

Did he make his fortune spinning straw into gold? Will his estate go to whoever can answer his riddles three? This is the kind of face you see laughing at you as the cellar door closes.

Apparently, this guy is a fashion mogul. Could have fooled me. He owns Zara, a company that makes doll clothes for full-sized humans.

There’s nothing I hate more than a leather jacket that’s never seen more friction than the back of an office chair. All that horsehide help you with taking hard spills off your Herman Miller Aeron, easy rider?

He looks like an effigy of a rich guy made to be burned at some sort of labor rally. Like if the Macy’s Day Parade had a float dedicated to “money.”

One of the richest men on Earth, but famous for living a frugal lifestyle. Some call that humble, I call it a waste of everyone’s time. That’s the behavior of a dragon, minus all the cool parts.

Real people aren’t supposed to look this much like a character from the board game Clue. Does his facial hair naturally grow into the pattern of a rich playboy with unusual tastes?

Do I really need to expound on why a 53-year-old man who self-describes as a “memelord” sucks?