12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

The air should be a privilege, not a right
12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

Birds can be majestic creatures. Key words in that sentence: “can be.” They can also be horrific, stalking monsters of the sky that make you understand just how much dinosaur blood is in them.

Here are 12 birds in particular that look simply, awful…

Andean Condor

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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I dont know what made multiple birds evolutionary lines think that “tumor on head” was somehow going to be a crucial feature for the future, but theyve pushed a lot of chips onto that square.

Shoebill Stork

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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I understand that this bird has a bit of a cult following, but Id argue that theyre the beneficiary of only very specific angles being chosen for Instagram. In too many pictures, they still look like a snapshot from the last 10 seconds of a curse that turns a man into a bird.

Tawny Frogmouth

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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They look like theyd be an owls annoying, weird little lackey. As if when the owls ripping apart a mouse, this guy's there saying, “Yeah! Get em!”

Marabou Stork

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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I imagine that this birds appearance is a defense mechanism so that predators see it and immediately think, “Well, I dont want whatever he has.”

Vulturine Guineafowl

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Im torn here. Its so close to looking genuinely awesome. Then, that head. Its far too small. Its like a medieval drawing of a regular bird, back before they understood proportion.

Helmeted Guineafowl

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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The brother of the last bird that got all the recessive genes.

Jacobin Pigeon

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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This guy looks like a straight up asshole. Private-school-ass bird.

Long-Wattled Umbrellabird

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Okay, thats enough of that. We cant let this sort of stuff happen. A bird that looks like a rockabilly penis? No dice.

Helmeted Hornbill

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Hey guys! You forgot to tell me what bar you were going to next! Lucky I found you!

Greater Sage-Grouse

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Im expecting some real salt-of-the-earth game bird. Instead Im presented with a bird that looks like it would sentence me to death if it could? It looks like a king that would die in a coup.

Greater Prairie-Chicken

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Okay, this is clearly a Pokemon. Dont piss on my head and tell me that its raining.

Red-Headed Vulture

12 Awful Birds That Don’t Deserve the Power of Flight

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Look, I didnt want to include the classic vulture in here, because it felt too easy. At the same time, credit has to be given to the O.G. ugly birds. Horrible head, horrible feet, and even worse, their head is that ugly so that its easier to stick into rotting animal carcasses. 0/10, see me after class.

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