46 European Flags, Reviewed

This is some classic flag shit. A crown? Some laurels? A weird little picture? Some Latin word that means freedom? No box unchecked.

There are obviously a lot of color bars in this post. That’s the choice Romania made, too, and it’s always a boring one. Couple that with just picking the three primary colors? Try something, for god’s sakes. It reminds me of a pack of Sculpey.

The shield count on this thing is absolutely out-of-control. I’m a fan. Plus, you’ve got a weird, freehand little ribbon action behind? Finally, some visual bravery here.

When your population has a stereotype of being simple, don’t do this. The jokes write themselves. Case in point: “They had three colors, but the citizens found it too confusing.”

Nobody’s mad at it, but no one’s impressed, either. Perfect for Norway!

You see a flag like this, you think twice about war, because you know dudes with a flag like this are going bananas on the battlefield.

Hell yes, dude. A double-headed eagle clutching cool shit, wearing a crown and a lion for good measure? It’s like they knew it would have to look good as a tattoo eventually.

Should be a checkered flag. Missed opportunity.

This color combination remains awful. I’m sure it represents blood from some revolution or whatever, but bleh. Points for getting a bird in there, with a cross clutched in its beak. Thing can probably cast spells.

Good, but a little intense. Even if you don’t know anything about the country, you’d probably be like, “I think religious violence probably happened here.”

Color block flags may be boring, but I’ll give them their due when necessary. Delightful to look at, like a summery France. Feels like the flag of a country whose official food is the Popsicle.

Yuck. Was the color wheel not around yet? Was it inspired by the stain from a dropped hot dog?

A little simple, but that crown gives it some oomph. Very classy. Like an oxford shirt with a monogram on the cuff to let you know they’re rich.

I mean, sure, Latvia. This is a flag. You’ve got to have a national animal, right? This flag is screaming for that fella.

I like all the parts here, and always love a lion, but it feels a little too much like an emblem you’d make for a custom FIFA team.

Unfuckwithable. There’s a reason Italians hang this off every structure they own.

I like it. Orange, not a big flag color, a little cheeky. Feels right for Ireland.

Again, does this fulfill the assignment? Yes. But have a little backbone.

Sorry, Hungary, through no fault of your own, this flag will forever be “Italy, no wait…”

Fine enough, I suppose, but it looks a little too much like someone made it out of construction paper.

We love a borderline optical illusion. It feels like I’m supposed to stare at it without blinking for 30 seconds and then it’ll turn green.

Yikes, dude. Another one that fits, to the level where even if you didn’t know Germany’s history you would immediately know they are not chill. You can’t make your flag the colors of fire and then be like, “We love just hanging out!”

Again, a classic that’s hard to criticize, but I’d love to see like, one funky color in there. Feels like they took the first suggestion and broke for lunch.

God, this area of Europe is just aggressively mid on their flags. The flag equivalent of trying to rack up points in skeeball by always going for the 40. Sure, it’s probably safe, but huck one at the 100 in the corner!

Way ahead of its time, to be honest. This is some CB2, modern minimalist shit. Props, Estonia.

Jesus! Why even have a flag at all! You might as well fly a piece of paper that says “DENMARK :)”

Including the actual outline of your country on your flag is kinda meta and weird, in a good way. “Yup, that’s us, bitch.”

Not a big fan of checkerboard patterns, because it makes me worried someone wants to talk about ska, but pretty decent. Plus, you’ve got some cool little cameos arcing over the main bit like little secrets. It’s the kinda flag that would be good to look at while waiting in a dentist’s office.

Thanks, Bulgaria. Very cool.

Okay, they went a little abstract with it, I can respect it. Cutting off stars? That’s a middle finger to flag norms. Kinda punk, to be honest.

“Stop running! We’re not German!”

Damn, this rips. Putting some trompe l'oeil embroidery on the side? It’s kinda cozy and badass at the same time.

What are you, the hood of a sports car? Are you trying to make it look like your flag’s moving really fast? Grow up.

God, this color combo won’t die. Throw it in the pile of “so close to great” next to Moldova.

Oh hell fucking yeah. This is sick. Some shit you’d see on a space trooper. Go off, Albania.

Look, I know they’re going through it, so I’ll give them a pass.

It’s a cool flag, even if I and the rest of the world kind of wish it wasn’t. There’s a reason they put it on Mini Coopers and jeans and stuff.

Red, white and blue is getting a little crowded, Netherlands. I think you guys gotta switch.

YES! YES! YES! YES! Whatever the hell is going on here, I love it. “What’s up, we’re the Isle of Man, take a look at this Boschian nightmare.”

You realize other countries already took all the red, white and blue stripes and panicked? “TRIANGLE!”

You can’t really beat this. Also, a plus sign is sort of perfect for Switzerland, given their foreign policy. WORLD: “Were at war!” SWITZERLAND: “We’re also here!”

Out of all the colorways that the Scandinavian flags seem to come in, at least this one’s a little interesting.

Yes! Great vibes. A big crown, a shield, some ribbons and just overall it feels spicy.

See how easy it is to set yourself apart from the sea of red, white and blue? Just pop any piece of visual interest on top. Thank you for breaking the streak, Slovenia.

Slovakia too! Why aren’t these other countries taking notes? Put yourself out there, it’s not that hard!

Oh, mama. This is good stuff. Feels like a direct fuck you to the countries that hit the red, white and blue button and stopped. That crown by itself is cooler than half the flags on this list.