30 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of October 16, 2023

That is deeply Seinfeldian
30 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of October 16, 2023

It’s been quite the week. The revolving door at the top of the House of Representatives continues to spin. After Kevin McCarthy was ousted as Speaker of the House by his own party, North Carolina Representative Patrick McHenry has been serving in the role on an interim basis. In the meantime, his fellow Republican lawmakers have been on the hunt for a full-time replacement. One man who won’t have to worry about assuming that position? Ohio’s Jim Jordan. Third time was not the charm for Jordan as he lost a secret ballot to remain nominee, forcing an already chaotic group of Republicans to regroup and figure out how to pivot once more. 

Another person who did a lot of speaking this week was pop star and Instagram knife dancer Britney Spears. The singer, who was finally released from the shackles of a controversial 13-year conservatorship in 2021, has a memoir due out next week, and the bits and pieces that have reached the internet make it seem all but destined to be a New York Times best-seller. From Justin Timberlake’s allegedly underwhelming penis to a tryst with Ireland’s most ran-through actor, Spears is ready to share the woman in her. 

The timeline made sure to have its say this week, too, and the tweets were as funny as ever — the best being those about a loudmouth fruit, a woman with worse luck than Elaine Benes and the Alphabet Mafia.

nolan @anxiousdeluxe-1d ... fabulous. GUARDS! NME NME @NME.1d J.K. Rowling says she would happily do prison time for her transgender views bit.ly/3S6NcJV 18 4,583 43.9K del 1.7M
The tumboy @TheTumboy 1d ... private account now, but I remembered this again and couldn't not share it 1/28/22 ... i was watching Heat on a plane and the guy next to me pointed at the screen and gave a thumbs up. i asked him if he was a Heat fan and he said no, he was a truck driver and there was a big rig on screen 20 585 4,785 31 2,182 23.7K 574K
DELAHOMS - Oklahoma Department of W... 1d ... WILDLIFE CONSERVATION Your house is not haunted, there's a raccoon in your attic. And that is much, much worse. 562 6,017 48.4K du 1.9M
Ichigo Niggasake @SomaKaz....1d ... What the hell is it Pop Base @PopBase.2d Billie Eilish reveals new back tattoo. 736 2,377 82.5K 7.4M
Elizabeth Goodspeed @dome... 19h ... Someone asked to share my table at a coffee shop and then asked me to leave the table because they have a meeting??? Am I in an episode of Seinfeld?? 253 2,778 77K 2.3M
R @ihyric . 1d ... Someone: you pick me: 146 20K 77.4K del 3.3M
@evadentz.17h Our Food Speaks For Itself Hello 15 668 6,760 226K
Pablo Sexcobar @NMJMRedux 14h ... Got a magical nephew you hate? Damien Scott SCIENTES @MadSc... .14h Need Suggestions, What would you do with this space? 139 7,566 42.2K 1.7M
MR$ DA$ANI @kaimooodz. 17h ... Girl this broke bum ex of mine, called the airport while i was working there & told them he was gone blow the place up if they aint make me come outside to talk to him. Baby they fired me ON THE SPOT Pretty Baby @Jaday... 17h What's the craziest thing that happened to you while at work? 557 5,546 41.3K 3M
evil jessica (usako.bsky.so... 17h ... i have forgotten and will forget many more things in my life, but never this one thrift store i went to that presumably decided it wasn't worth the cost to paint the walls when they moved in IC ROGE - - - I Traumatic Brain Injury P 6 181 902 25.9K
Josh Gondelman @joshgondel... . 4h ... Saw a guy at a restaurant try to order a glass (???) of matzoh ball soup yesterday, and it was a beautiful reminder that Judaism doesn't have to look any one particular way. 27 22 599 40.2K
rosie @feelingsstores 20h babysitting a 3yr old he asked what my favorite song is so i asked him the same question and he said maybe rockabye baby or maybe happy birthday 10 61 1,229 22.5K
Ron Iver @ronnui_ 21h ... I just know that if I had this tiny truck it would fix absolutely everything in my life SUZUKI 89 1,350 10K 1.2M
michaela okland @MichaelaOkla. 21h Me trying so hard to not tell someone they have the same name as my dead dog 38 3,194 51.1K 1.7M
Paul Muad'Dib @trygraptor 23h ... me when the Dune trailer still says November 3 9 588 11.1K 377K
yasmin @ycsm1n 11h rhinoplasty, lip filler, cheek implants, chin implant, face lift, jaw shave, brow bone reduction, buccal fat removal, botox, eye lift, 109 1,980 24.8K 688K
good reddit @GoodReddit . 9h ... 18 NSFW Anyone else get 'topped off' at Buffalo Wild Wings? I Ate I went there, was chill and cool, and got topped off after the meal. Anyone else come across this? Apparently you can't discuss this on their subreddit anymore, for what reason idk. 0 Share 45 thamfgoat69 9h Are you saying you got your dick sucked at b dubs? ... Reply 112 28 812 25.5K 997K
bailey moon @baileymoon96.5h ... getting ready to play on my phone for 30 minutes after sending one email 23.3K 8 1,459 698K
luke? @werner_bertzog 14h ... he fr busted out the yoinky sploinky ET Entertainment Tonight @etnow 21h Martin Scorsese is photographed in Los Angeles, California THE DEPARTED ALT ALT 13 755 12.1K 732K
jackson @placed_onto 1d ... just saw a pair of Twins wearing the exact same Clothes, same Haircut too , would Love to be included as well buti guess that's just Their thing 1 333 3,775 del 96.1K
iya! @czechwun 16h they disappear after a bus goes by them Jae @Real_jaeflex - 6d What is a subtle sign someone isn't a good person? 55 2,567 16K du 613K
Kevin Bluesky Handleson @KBAndersonYo - 1d ... okay THIS is the woke mob they've all been talking about METRO NEWS Mafia opens door to gay people after mob boss finds out his son is a drag queen 86 3,451 23.1K del 1M
ML @weekend3warrior id ... The Little Mermaid: lkg for feet Online now 11 332 2,593 158K
I'm 6'7 @taylorprobably· 1d My car just be making Lights up now MP This mf telling me to Go to court W 1 142 1,778 55.9K
rob @OkButStill 1d a gift for my friend who just moved into a 550sq. ft apartment LE CREUSE 28 857 26.2K 764K
horse dentist @equine_dentist - 23h big natural disaster WLKYO TRACKING THE POLAR VORTEX L L Edmonton Calgary Winnipeg Quebec Seattle Montreal Portland Billngs Poston Minneapolis Boise Rapid City New York Chicago Omaha San Francisco Washington Indianapolis Denve Richmond Louisville Wichita 48 1,185 13.2K 595K
iconic moments @image_origins. dd ? r/AskReddit u/Shoggy- 25d 1 S 8 5 7 1 18 NSFW what are some fucked up animal facts? Share 14k 6630 + TOP COMMENTS  25d S 37 Awards my hamster bites me eventhough I am so nice to him Reply 14.2k 2,309 48.6K 46 1.3M
@BrendanDaGawd. dd ... She don't ever got to look at the bill when she out with me I read it out loud... Damn this mf $135 dollars 2 960 8,215 400K
no context memes @weirddalle 2d r/Costco 1 day ago Join ... by decyphier_ I lose all self control when my wife buys chocolate chip cookies I eat like 2 or 3 a day, it's insane. KIRILLAND COOKIE GOURMET 14 CHOCOLATE COUNT CHUNK #37229 TM CMIN PACK OKIA Jun 08, 23 Jun-00-22 $9.99 $4.44/lb : KIRKLAND SAFE HANDLING 151 1,791 37.8K 1.3M
aiyana @aiyanajadee 2d Tbt Grant ... Chat Profile Yesterday, 1:5b PM So sexy Today, 4:39 PM Thank you thank you I try 4:39 PM I'd love to make you moo for me I'm gonna be honest grant truly don't know how to respond to that Sent Send a message
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