25 Funny Things People Stole While They Were Drunk

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25 Funny Things People Stole While They Were Drunk

It’s said that a drunk mind speaks a sober heart, and in the cases of the people below, their sober hearts told them to steal. Unlike the sober mind, being drunk can release your inhibitions and let those sticky fingers do their worst without considering the repercussions. Even if the theft is just taking a glass from a restaurant or swiping a welcome mat from a bar, the low value of the item doesn’t make the high stakes of the act any less thrilling. 

Here are some of the strangest things Redditors have stolen while drunk. But if you’re expecting them to know how they acquired the items, well, good luck with that…

Nomsfud . 7y A goat ... 8

DimiGoodLad . 7y My friends and i were in Greece on vacation, and we got pretty drunk. We found bakery with this giraffe statue standing outside. In the morning cleaning lady found out this staute in our room, she recognized it but didnt ask anything (beacuse its a small place in Greece called Parga and news spread fast) we didnt know how we managed to steal and hide it beacuse its like 55 inches long. We returned it 2 days later. ... 9

TimeTravelMishap . 7 7y New cat. To this day I have no clue where he came from. Most drunks wake up with a random person in their bed. I woke up with a strange cat on my legs. ... 26

ImaKiwiBro . 7y Woke up with a piñata on my chest and my bed covered with uncooked 2 minute noodles. ... 15

BrightFocus . 7y Half a toilet seat lid. Still don't know how I got it.

Fiasco87 7y Me and a buddy got pretty wasted one night, woke up in his apartment with 11 street cones and he had a broken hand. Neither of us know what happened. ... 116

Cloudy_mood 7y Woke up one morning, went and visited my buddy in his dorm room. And his new Taco Bell doormat. ... 81

moogyboobles. 7y Condom machine. I installed it in my Mum's bathroom and she had to get my Uncle over to get rid of it. I think I found it in a pub's skip. ... 73

komajiro . 7y A fern. Not the pot, just the plant and some attached dirt. ... 54

quarter_to_four . . 7y I woke up next to a life-sized cardboard cut out of a Rastafarian. It was from an ad campaign for a popular iced tea drink at the time (Australia, early 90s). My flat mate and I had no idea how he ended up in bed with me. We named him Mon and kept him against the lounge room window which faced the street. ... 37

ufamizm . 7у 3 speed bumps, an exit sign, and a traffic cone. ... 1

BlackfrostBirdy . 7 7y My friend woke up on a new mattress in the morning after being told that there were no spare beds avalible ... 1

Callahandy . 7 7y Woke up next to a Detour street sign in my bed once. That was...odd. ... 1

ipastone . 7y A bunch of vape batteries in my pocket. All I remember was everyone looking for them and I was looking as well. ... 0

nilikon . 7y I woke up to find a giant KFC lobby rug in my dorm room (divided double, the rug took up pretty much the entire floor space). Nobody would or could tell me the story of its capture. ... 1

AnOtherk . 7y A phone booth phone- not just the receiver, the bulky metal thing that I managed to rip out and carry home with me. I have no idea how I did it but I woke up with scratches and bruises all over my arms and one of my nails was partially ripped off. It's still in my room ... 8

por_que_tacos . . 7y Friend and I were drunk at New Years. The next day I woke up to a bunch of fireworks in the kitchen. At first I was like shiiiiitttt I must've spent alot on them but I checked my balance and my wallet. Nothing. Asked my friend if he spent money. Nada. I still wonder how the hell we got them ... 6

lloveyarnz . 7 7y Woke up with a roll of toilet paper in my coat pocket once. No clue when or why that happened. ... 5

Shannigan23 . 7y I woke up in my college freshman dorm room to find a bathroom stall door half under my couch... ... 5

TrouserDumplings . 7y Friends and I awoke in the garage (hang out place) with the table/seats combo from in front of our favorite donut joint. No memory of taking it and it was one of those one piece steel frame jobs that are embedded in the sidewalk. ... 3

NOVA612321X . 7y I got drunk one night and decided I needed a gameboy. This was back when they were first coming out with the different colors, and I really wanted blue. My dumb drunk brain made me call a cab, stumble into a store, and ask for one. They said they had red and green, no blue. I had a fit and told them to show me, and when they did, I grabbed a red gameboy and got the hell outta dodge. Fun night. ... 3

RoachWrestles . 7y I once woke up underneath a bed, beside an electric heater, cuddling with a screen door. Nobody at the party had any clue where it came from. I do not drink vodka any more. ... 2

VonPursey . 7 7y An entire stop sign. Post, concrete base, everything. It was really heavy, must have been almost 10ft long and took up my entire dorm room. ... 2

Dr_Identity . 7y I've brought a lot of random items home whilst drunk, but I usually remember how I got them. Among the items I've brought home are a pint glass, a toaster, and a parking meter. ... 2

TheeAJPowell . 7y I woke up with a broken pirate sword stuck down the back of my pants & my previously intact shirt torn in half & tied like a blouse. Oh, and loads of people had written their names on said shirt. It was a weird night to say the least. ... 1
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