15 Badass Institutions and Mysterious Orders That Really Fell Off a Cliff

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15 Badass Institutions and Mysterious Orders That Really Fell Off a Cliff

The past involves a lot of secretive organizations doing badass shit. There’s something inherently cool about secrecy, and people banding together to make changes under the radar just feels exciting and anarchic. 

But now, there’s something about the idea of secret societies that feels a bit passé. The exclusivity involved in a lot of them feels a bit shitty, and scratching the surface of a lot of interesting-seeming historical fraternal organizations leads pretty quickly to more “Rule 6: No Jews” type regulations than anyone can really deal with. 

Or, they just turn out to be pretty dull. A lot of secret societies and brotherhoods were pretty much ways of organizing group insurance while wearing funny hats and drinking beer. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s a lot less exciting than it could be.

Plenty still exist, of course. But, in this modern world, is a bunch of dudes wearing silly robes and talking in code even slightly intriguingly mysterious any more? Once upon a time it might have seemed like the way to enact change was to gather a bunch of brainy guys together for hushed conversations in darkened rooms — that shit can be done on WhatsApp now. Women are even allowed.

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Skull and Bones: A Fancy Lads’ Fancy Club

The Yale secret society that has been the subject of untold conspiracy theories is in all likelihood just a group of fancy lads hanging out. A symbol and a hefty annual fee can make anything feel important. CRACKED

Source / Yale 

The Knights Templar: No Longer a Thing

+ The Knights Templar were hella badass back in the Middle Ages, an elite fighting unit of actual knights. Modern incarnations are just fans of the name, usually using it for fairly unexciting, swordfight-less causes like temperance. CRACKED

Source 

The Bullingdon Club: Privileged Assholes Being Shitty

Oxford University's Bullingdon Club is, officially, an elite dining society. However, as numerous incidents of asshole behavior have shown, it's just an excuse for a bunch of old-money dicks to treat people like shit wearing expensive suits. Fuck them. CRACKED

Source / BBC 

Sons of Temperance: Left High and Dry by Other Developments

The Sons of Temperance formed in 1842 to campaign against alcoholism in a secretive, fraternal way. They worked to keep one another sober and help anyone left bereft due to drink. Insurance, AA and so on eventually rendered them unnecessary. CRACKED

Source 

The Beggar’s Benison: One Hundred Years of Jerking Off

Scottish secret society The Beggar's Benison lasted 104 years, which is pretty impressive for a club largely based around a bunch of landownsers sharing pornography and having collective masturbation sessions. CRACKED

Source / Salon 

The Horseman’s Word: Replaced by, er, Literacy

The Horseman's Word was a 17th-century secret society for Scottish horsemen, functioning like a trade union while also sharing tricks of the trade with members. Oh, and sharing secrets on how to make women more docile. That's not cool, guys. CRACKED

Source 

The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn: Became Too Magickal

A super fascinating organization, marrying Freemasonry, the occult and philosophy, the Hermetic Order splintered in 1903 after its founders fell out over issues concerning Aleister Crowley. Four subsequent magic organizations were set up, mainly involving a lot of sex stuff. CRACKED

Source 

Order of Knight-Masons Elect Priests of the Universe: Cool Name, Nothing Else

The most badass-named Christian order ever was centered on one man, Martinez de Pasqually. When he left France for the Dominican Republic in 1772, dying there two years later, nobody took up the mantle so it just fizzled out. CRACKED

Source 

Ancient Order of United Workmen: Lives on in the Form of Insurance

NOLAN While the Ancient Order is no more, it paved the way for unionized insurance and modern labor organizations. That's obviously great, but Ancient Order sounds so much more badass than did some clever math stuff. CRACKED

Source / Wikipedia 

Great Enlightened Society of Oculists: Secret Eye Doctors on a Mission

for Yellow rid or behrth In crulipen lapon fair as Only Is Due to the discovery and painstaking decoding of some ancient documents in 2012, what was thought to be a long-forgotten group of German ophthalmologists turned out to actually be a long-forgotten group of badass, system-smashing ophthalmologists. CRACKED

Source 

Fraternities, in General: From Hubs of Debate to Dens of Depravity

Fraternities were set up for the purposes of fostering intellectual debate, sharing academic knowledge and general self-improvement. Somehow this became Animal House, brutal initiation rituals that sometimes lead to death and a horrible amount of sexual assaults. Disgraceful. CRACKED

Source / Medium 

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