Cracked Archive - History
5 Historical Events That Happened Out of Order
We were this close to seeing a woolly mammoth building the Great Pyramid
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- By Eli Yudin
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13
13 Actually, Neanderthals Were Quite Bougie
A new study reveals that their diets leaned much more modern foodie than barbaric
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- By Lauren Vinopal
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- 3
The Fears and Phobias of Five Historical Tough Guys
Nothing could consistently knock out Muhammad Ali quite like airplanes
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- By Amanda Mannen
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- 7
5 Misunderstandings We Got Thanks to Explorers Being Dumbasses
Hey, maybe ask a couple quick follow-ups about the place. That can clear a lot up
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- By Ryan Menezes
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- 12
5 Disgusting Relics the Catholic Church Could Probably Chill Out With
Being a saint seems pretty cool except that it almost always means they’re putting your foot in a jar when you die
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 17
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The Search for Dr. Condom, Birth-Control Pioneer
The word ‘condom’ doesn’t really linguistically mean anything or make any sense. One theory is that Charles II had a physician, Dr. Condom, who prescribed him cloth models when he couldn’t stop having illegitimate children. But that story is probably fake. Dr. Condom, where are you?
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- By Mike Rampton
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The Long, Bloody Reach of ‘Catcher in the Rye’
For a book with very little violence, it sure has been caught up in a lot of murder and mayhem
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- By Amanda Mannen
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- 10
The Exclusive World of 19th-Century Upper-Class ‘Fat Men’s Clubs’
In a pre-Peloton world, the mark of true power and prosperity was a very hefty waist size
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- By Amanda Mannen
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3 Small, Random Decisions That Shaped America in Insane Ways
Lincoln did some good things, but he’s also the reason we can’t ride elephants
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 4
5 Unlikely Bits of Contraband People Smuggled Past Authorities
If you had to do it, how would you smuggle a missile?
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- By Ryan Menezes
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- 4
The 4 Most Absurd Assassination Attempts on World Leaders
Hey, does this toothpaste taste like dengue to anyone else?
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 11
5 Tales of Friendship Between Enemies During War
War, huh, yeah. What is it good for? Absolutely friendship
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- By Ryan Menezes
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- 9
When Men Thought Bicycles Would Make Women Ugly and Slutty
To all the stuffy, awful dudes of the Victorian era, bikes were less a means of transportation and more a proto vibrator that would render women so horny they had no choice but to emancipate themselves
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- By Amanda Mannen
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- 5
4 of the Biggest Losers in History, Statistically Speaking
It’s a rough job, but somebody’s got to do it
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 13
Magicians Who Used Their Powers to Fight Wars
Here’s the news that the CIA declassified after several decades
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- By Ryan Menezes
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